
Class _tLH 
Book___JL55_ 

CopyriglilN'? 

COfVRIGIIT DEPOSfn 



X 



AROUND THE CAPITAL 



WITH UNCLE HANK s 



RECORDED TOGETHER 
IVITH {M^NY TICTURES 



BY 



THOMAS FLEMING 

t/futhor of "Ground the 'Tati,' " etc., etc. 



1902 

PUBLISHED BY 



The Nutshell Publishinof Co., New York 



r ,-, 



f£ 



THE LIBRARY OF 

CONGRESS, 
x>w> CriPiw Reccived 

OCT. 14 1902 

Cl-ASS CL/ XXa No. 

^i i. ^ -1 
COPY 8. 



Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 1903, by 

THE NUTSHELL PUBLISHING CO., 
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 



Registered at Stationers' Hall, London, England. 






CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

PAGE 

A Characterization 1 

CHAPTER II. 

Uncle Hank 11 

CHAPTER HI. 

The House of Representatives 19 

CHAPTER IV. 

The House Restaurant 37 

CHAPTER V. 

The Senate 45 

CHAPTER VI. 

An Interview 61 

CHAPTER VII. 

A Bit of the Capitol 71 

CHAPTER VIII. 

The Dome 91 

CHAPTER IX. 

An Adventure in the Supreme Court 101 

CHAPTER X. 

The Humorous Side of the Capitol Ill 

CHAPTER XI. 

A Talk with Uncle Sam 123 

CHAPTER XII. 

The Library of Congress 1 33 

CHAPTER XIII. 

A Walk Up Pennsylvania Avenue 163 

CHAPTER XIV. 
Inauguration Day 18^ 



vi CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER XV. „,„„ 

PAGE 

Uncle Hank Gets Shaved in the Senate Barber Shop 191 

CHAPTER XVI. 

The Pension Building 301 

CHAPTER XVII. 

Invention's Home - 209 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

Uncle Sam's Money Factory 225 

CHAPTER XIX. 

The Treasury Building 235 

CHAPTER XX. 

State, War and Navy 247 

CHAPTER XXI. 

The White House 257 

CHAPTER XXII. 

A Strenuous Walk 270 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

A Climb of Nine Hundred Steps 279 

CHAPTER XXIV. 

The World in Glass Cases 291 

CHAPTER XXV. 

The Curbstone Market Place 303 

CHAPTER XXVI. 

A Peep at the Hotels 309 

CHAPTER XXVII. 

A Visit to the Postal Cemetery 822 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 

Sculptures and Paintings 328 

CHAPTER XXIX. 

The Statues 335 

CHAPTER XXX. 

The Navy Yard 339 

CHAPTER XXXI. 
Adieu 345 



FOREWORD. 



"FEAME YOUE MIND TO MIETH AND MEEEI- 
MENT, WHICH BAES A THOUSAND HAEMS AND 
LENGTHENS LIFE/' THUS SPOKE THE BAED 
OF AVON WITH THAT EAEE INSIGHT INTO HU- 
MAN NATUEE THAT SEEMED TO BOEDEE ON 
THE MIEACULOUS. IF THIS VOLUME— LAEGE- 
LY PLAYING, AS IT DOES, UPON THE FOIBLES 
AND VAGAEIES OF PUBLIC LIFE IN WASHING- 
TON—SHOULD AWAKEN LATENT IIUMOE IN 
THE PUBLIC MEN OF TO-DAY, THEEEBY SHOW- 
ING A NEW AND BETTEE SIDE TO THEIE NA- 
TUEES, THEN IT WILL HAVE EENDEEED AN 
ADDITIONAL SEEVICE TO THAT FOE WHICH IT 
WAS INTENDED— A POETEAYAL OF THE HU- 
MOEOUS SIDE OF LIFE AT THE CAPITAL. 

THE AUTHOE. 













' -^ fi^rM^'/f ■■■••■— "•"■•■ ' 




THE INAUGURATION OF A PRESIDENT. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL 

WITH UNCLE HANK. 



CHAPTER I. 



A CHARACTERIZATION. 



Wouldst thou he cured, thou silly, moping elf, 

Laugh at her follies — laugh e'en at thyself; 

To sum up all, be merry, I advise, 

And as we're merry, may ive still he zvise! — Burns. 

€VERY true American should have a pride in the 
beautiful city of Washington. All that counts for 
the glory of the only true republic on earth is cen- 
tered in this historic capital. 
Replete with reminiscence, it affords numberless oppor- 
tunities for exuberant patriotism, and the American citizen 
who is not thrilled with patriotic fervor on first viewing its 
beautiful avenues and magnificent buildings is certainly de- 
void of that sense of pride of country supposed to exist in 
the heart of every true citizen of this great latter-day re- 
public. 

She is most feminine, this queen of cities — fickle, capri- 
cious and coquettish. 




^O^Ji^^-^'gy^^&^/t^Y^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^^/(Ce^-^^— - 




'^••^•'^OON./^.C 



TILH^' 



Bejeweled with architectural gems, she is vain of her 
attractions. 

Courted by all who have gifts to bestow, favored like a 
spoiled child, she has become proud, haughty and arrogant. 
You'll like her, nevertheless. 

You should know her — this gay, high-colored, aristocratic 
city, possessing many of the attributes of her monarchical 
sisters of the Old World, rivaling the Rome of the Caesars in 
her magnificent entertainments. 

Yet, withal, there is a certain democratic atmosphere 
about her that dispels this imperialistic tendency. 

She is thoroughly feminine in her contradictions ; while 
her social leaders are most exclusive in their entertainments, 
her most distinguished citizen, the President, can be ap- 
proached by the most humble. 

In the matter of adornment, she shows the most pro- 
nounced inconsistencies, some of her public statues being 
of the highest artistic excellence, while others are so de- 
ficient in merit as to almost border on the ridiculous. 

She has the feminine characteristic of changing her mind 
with each incoming Administration — smiling coquettishly 
wath the party in power to-day ; to-morrow ardently flirting 
with its successors. ~*i- 

"Thou art not false, hut thou art fickle." — ByronT* 

Washington was named after the immortal "George,'* 
who had considerable of a reputation for probity, and the 

2 




l.ffr- !.■ 



MRS. SENATOR GILT-MILLION occupies a very large place in Washington society. Being 
a lady of considerable avoirdupois, it was predicted tliat when she started to climb the 
social ladder, it was doubtful if it would withstand the strain; but the Senator's 
experience with large corporations enab'ed him to succeed in pushing her up to the high 
position she now occupies in society at the Capital. 

3 




/y IND. /f MC. 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

new Capital, with its "magnificent buildings and spacious 
avenues, is surely a worthy and enduring monument to the 
immortal George, who could not tell a lie. 

There are those who assert that were George Washington 
living to-day he would be considered decidedly a back num- 
ber, for, say they, the twentieth-century statesmen are surely 
consummate masters of the dissembling art, in which he was 
so conspicuously deficient. But always there are those who 
howl calamity from the housetops and who refuse to believe 
in the integrity of the present. 

Modern methods, though less ostentatious of righteous- 
ness, are doubtless no less honest than was the old-fashioned 
probity of the founders. In no age are all men virtuous ; in 
no generation are they all degenerate. Humanity preserves 
its own equilibrium. This is the law of the progress which 
is its purpose. If there is more corruption now than in the 
early days of the republic, there is also more honesty. The 
proportion is the same. 

To-day, in the full glare of the publicity of the modern 
newspaper, few things can be hidden ; every public matter is 
laid bare before the judgment of an argus-eyed investiga- 
tion. Wrong is and must be, but, in the words of Garfield, 
"God reigns and the Government at Washington still lives." 
Still it is well for the visitor to keep an eye on his Congress- 
man, so as to be sure that you will get all "that is a-comin' 
to you." 

Often, however, the demands upon the time and money of 
our national representatives are so great that they exclaim in 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

despair: "But where do I come in?" For theirs is no easy 
life, and the pay is not at all commensurate with the worrv. 

Being a Mecca for ofifice-seeking politicians and log-roll- 
ing lobbyists, Washington attracts hosts of eccentric charac- 
ters whose adventures in search of the spoils of office often 
result in very ludicrous situations. 

It differs from all other cities in many essentials, having a 
large "floating" population. The statistics of the liquor 
trade will bear out the truth of this statement. 

If one wishes to see how much fun there is in certain lines 
of Washington life, the newly elected Congressman, when 
he first arrives at the capital, will fill the bill. He is usually 
ittired after the manner of statesmen, with closely buttoned 
xrock coat, highly polished boots, and, if from the West, a 
wide-brim, slouch hat. 

If he hails from an Eastern constituency his head is likely 
surmounted with a bright, tall, silk hat. 

He struts along Pennsylvania Avenue with head and 
shoulders thrown well back, clearly conscious of his new- 
found importance, and woe betide the old-time friends who, 
would dare to address him familiarly. All are held at arm's 
length. This state usually lasts about a month. Then, as he 
becomes familiarized with his high station, he gradually 
unbends until at the end of the second month of his term he 
is most likely to be seen accepting an invitation to the "bar" 
of the House at the expense of some visiting constituent. 

The atmosphere of the Capital has a peculiar effect on 
^ local reputations when they are first brought within its in- 

5 




'^■^r'^^ "'■ 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




W. CADAMJ-ON.M-C. 




IND 



fluence. Many a budding statesman, who at home could 
blow a mighty trumpet blast, has found that he made no 
more noise than a jew's-harp in a brass band when he 
reached the Capitol. 

A man must, indeed, be great to show above the crowd 
where many eminent men abound. One cannot go about the 
streets without running into a Supreme Court Justice, an 
admiral, a general, a Pullman-car porter or some one equally 
great ; and it is not at all safe to address a stranger on the 
street as colonel lest he should prove to be a general. 

It is certainly disconcerting, when, after having been 
seated next to a gentleman in a theatre, and having gone 
out with him a couple of times between the acts for refresh- 
ments, or fresh air, and after having become quite familiar 
with him, to have some one come up and address him as 
"General." This is apt to take some of the conceit out of 
one, especially if one should happen to be — merely a colonel. 

A glance at the occupants of a Washington trolley car will 
usually show them to be statesmen with massive brows and 
all the appearances of overpowering intellect. 

But these are merely surface indications. If one should 
take the trouble to follow them to their destinations it 
might be discovered that they were merely department 
clerks. 

Everything in the city of Washington savors of states- 
manship. The people walk the streets like Roman Senators, 
with stately tread and with an air of tremendous importance. 

The letter-carrier, who in other cities goes his rounds with 

6 




REAR ADMIRAL ROBLEY D. EVAXS, P. B. (Fighting Bob) has a great 
reputation as a fighter, having no fear whatever of danger in any form, 
be it in the shape of Cannon balls, Fish balls or Inauguration balls. 
Wears Cannon balls for buttons on his uniform and is never seen with- 
out a chip on his shoulder. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




MASS. I^^r 







the heavy step of a hard-working man, in Washington hands 
you your mail with all the aplomb of an ambassador deliver- 
ing a message of State ; and your newsboy salutes you like 
an aide-de-camp when you hand him a nickel. 

It's in the air, and you can no more escape it than you can 
the grippe when influenza abounds. 

Washington is often referred to as the city of magnificent 
distances. Whether this is a compliment or a stigma has 
never been fully determined. One thing is certain — there is 
a magnificent distance between the United States Senator 
and the common citizen — in the estimation of the former. 

This magnificent distance, however, does not exist between 
the President and the sovereign people. It is erroneously 
believed by many that he is elected to occupy a position 
somewhat resembling that of the ruler of a great nation. 
This is palpably a misconception. His ostensible position is 
that of Chief Executive, but his real vocation is that of chief 
handshaker at the White House. 

To see the President standing in the East Room at the 
Executive Mansion shaking hands with a long line of vis- 
itors from every section of our great and glorious republic, 
comprising specimens of all grades of humanity, is a sight 
never to be forgotten, and the way they beam on him with 
a certain proprietary sort of air (as if to say, "My vote 
helped to put you where you are") is replete with humor. 

It was related of a great poet of the last century that "he 
dearly loved a lord." It can truthfully be said of the great 
American public that it dearly loves a President whose hand 




PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT. 
A sketch from life, in the White House. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




> kY. '^^ 



it can shake. Shaking and squeezing his hand is one of the 
ways it has of showing its patriotism, and Washington ians 
are particularly patriotic. Flags are flown from the win- 
dows on the slightest provocation. 

Periods of time are here reckoned by Administrations. 
Washingtonians wishing to recall the date of some past 
event always refer to it as having occurred during some 
Administration, Anno Domini being completely ignored. 

Washington is an American city — no city in the country 
is more American — without the one characteristic that is 
supposed to be most American. It has no business. There 
is no commerce nor trade in the city at all commensurate 
with its importance and population, and although the Capi- 
tal of a nation of people who love the theatre, is, in the 
slang of the profession, only a "one-week stand." 

These little incongruities show what an incongruous city 
it is. However, with all its inconsistencies, the National 
Capital is a gem of the first water — a jewel in Columbia's 
crown of cities, of which every American should feel proud. 



10 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER H. 



UNCLE HANK 



SENRY SLOCUM was as fine a specimen of Yankee 
manhood as it was possible to find. His kindly 
intelligent face beamed with good nature and 
seemed incapable of a frown. Although his gait 
was somewhat ungainly and his make-up savored of the 
cornfield and potato patch, no one, who really knew him, 
would think of underestimating his abilities. But occasion- 
ally some one would size up the old gentleman as an ordi- 
nary countryman and endeavor to measure wits with him, 
and would find to his astonishment that he was no match 
for the astute New Englander. 

Uncle Hank, as he was familiarly known, possessed all 
the traits of character peculiar to his race. Keenly alive to 
the humorous aspects of every situation, he was nevertheless 
a philosopher as well, and many a witticism was accom- 
panied by some sage allusion that rendered the humorous 
observation more than ordinarily effective. 

He had long wished for an opportunity to visit the Na- 
tional Capital, of which he had heard and read so much in 
his span of threescore and ten of existence. 

His life had been spent largely on a typical New England 

11 




•^ ^. ^.^^^.c. 



/At. 





'^ILCOKtA.C-'^^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

farm about a dozen miles from Medford, Mass. Save for 
a couple of trips to Boston he had never left home for an 
extended visit until he had made a journey to the Pan-Amer- 
ican Exposition, and that experience just put his sight- 
seeing proclivities on edge and, as he expressed it to Salem 
Sodgett, his neighbor, "He'd read so tarnal much abaout thet 
Washington thet he guessed he'd hev tew go thar an' see 
th' place thet th' noospapers hed so much tew say abaout." 

As he stood one bright morning in midwinter with his 
"grip" in one hand and a bulky umbrella under his arm 
while he carefully adjusted his spectacles to more accurately 
survey the imposing structure known as the Capitol Build- 
ing, he suddenly burst out with an ejaculation of surprise 
and merriment. 

"Frum th' sublime tew th' ridickulus — 'tis but a step ! — 
Jest look at th' monkeyfied ackshuns of thet feller? I'll bet 
he's a new Congressman hevin' his pictur took tew send 
hum tew his constitooents tew show 'em he's th' only 
statesman tew be seen on th' Capitol steps, an' he's got up 
early tew do et." 

Uncle Hank's sarcastic remarks were evoked by the 
ridiculous spectacle afforded by the theatrical postures of 
a presumably new member who had taken advantage of the 
early hour of the day to get a photographer to take his 
majestic figure standing on the steps of the Capitol. In 
posing to get the best eft'ect he had assumed every position 
known to posturing statesmen, besides many which are not 
known off the Comic Opera stage. It was the ridiculous 

1'^ 




tiflliiriilfiii 




'A WISE DOG NEVER KILLS SHEEP NEAR TEW HUM— SUM OV TH' CONGRISSMEN 
EN WASHINGTON EZ A THOUSAND MILES FRUM HUM."— UNCLE HANK. 

13 





*'Oi-£MAN. Wk-^- 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

appearance created by some of these postures that called 
forth the amused ejaculation from the plain matter-of-fact 
farmer who also had gotten up early to see the sights. 
He had, in fact, just completed a jaunt around the stately 
structure and was waxing enthusiastic in its praise when the 
humorous spectacle of the "new member" posing for a 
photograph caught his eye. It was too much for the risi- 
bilities of the witty Yankee — 

"Shades ov Dan'l Webster! Ef thet's a sample ov a 
Congressman I don't think much ov Congress — but I won- 
der ef et's like ez Salem Sodgett (who's a good bit ov a 
politicianer up aour way) sez 'they ain't sendin' no good 
men tew Congress naow'days — all th' brainy men ez 
hired by th' Trusts.' An' ef th' one I see this mornin' be 
a true sample ov th' lot I calkilate he's abaout right, by 
ginger !" 

As he ascended the Capitol steps he resolved to hunt 
up his nephew, Harry Slocum, who was a newspaper corre- 
spondent at Washington and who, he rightly judged, could 
aid him materially in seeing the sights at the Capital. 

As he walked along the corridor towards the south wing 
he stopped a page who was hurrying to his station in the 
"House." 

"Sonny," exclaimed he, "kin ye tell me whar I kin find 
Harry Slocum?" 

"Has he got anything to do with the pages?" inquired 
the boy. 



14 




ADJ. -GENERAL HENRY CLARK CORBIN has a fine record in the war office: having se- 
cured it by walking rough shod over Miles (of red tape). In military circles is known 
as the autocrat of Washington D. C. (District of Corbin). 

15 




OH >«/ 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Pages ! Why, sonny, he knocks aout page after page 
fer them Noo-England papers." 

"He must be a scrapper," exclaimed the youth in amaze- 
ment. 

"I reckon he is, ef thet's what ye call them fellers thet 
ketches every scrap ov noos thet's tew be ketched," replied 
the old man. 

"Oh, you mean he's a correspondent," exclaimed the 
youth, with a smile. "I guess you'll find your friend in 
the press gallery," and the young man pointed the way to 
the stairs, up which Uncle Hank lost no time in making his 
way. 

Just as he was about to enter the exclusive gallery 
reserved for the newspaper fraternity, he was accosted by 
a dapper young man who grasped him familiarly by the 
hand. 

"Why, Uncle, Pve been looking for you all the morning,^ 
he exclaimed. "Mother wrote me you were coming and 
told me to be on the lookout for you, and to show you all 
there was to be shown." 

"Wall, ye see, Harry, I hed hearn so much abaout Wash- 
ington an' th' big men tew be seen hereabaouts thet I jest 
thot I'd look an' see fer myself ef they waz ez big an' ez 
great ez they sed they waz." 

"Well, Uncle, I trust your expectations will be realized," 
remarked Harry with a smile. 

"Ez th' poet sez — 'Distance lends inchantment tew th' 
view' — an' I reckon some ov them great men shrink con- 

16 




M. JULES CAMBON, Ambassador from France has all the characteristic politeness of man» 
ner peculiar to his race. His motto is "In Washington do as they do in Paris — Be Polite." 

17 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

siderbal when ye git 'em et short range," and the old gen- 
tleman's face broadened into a smile as he recalled the 
amusing spectacle he had witnessed as he ascended the 
Capitol steps that morning. 

''Now, Uncle," exclaimed Harry, "I'll have to introduce 
you as a journalist, as the press gallery is supposed to be 
for newspaper men exclusively, and I'll trust to your 
ready wit to answer all requirements." And with this the 
pair entered the enclosure allotted to the press. 



n Cj. 



18 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER HI. 

THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES. 

• J hS Uncle Hank took his seat in the press gallery with 
■iA his nephew at his elbow to point out the celebrities 
m I on the floor and to explain the various methods 
of parliamentary procedure, he noticed that the 
Speaker's desk was directly beneath him and his first whis- 
pered question to his mentor was in reference to this 
personage. 

"Ye call him th' Speaker?" he inquired. "Why, he 
hain't doin' no speakin' ez I kin see; et's them fellers on th' 
floor thet's doin' all th' speakin'," and the old gentleman's 
face bore a peculiar expression which his nephew was un- 
able to define as indicative of inquiry or mirth. 

"They don't seem tew be payin' much attenshun tew thet 
chap thet's speakin' over thar?" continued he. 

"He's a new member. Uncle ; they don't pay much atten- 
tion to new members." 

A new member had secured the floor to divest himself of 
his maiden speech, and he had fondly imagined that he was 
the cynosure of all eyes. Had he not been so fully en- 
grossed in his subject he would have noticed that after a 
few minutes' attention from his fellow members (due in a 

19 









nw.^^cT^^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

great measure to curiosity and a desire to "size up" a new 
aspirant for Congressional honors) he was speaking to 
empty chairs as far as the House was concerned. As 
soon as he began to warm up to his subject the older mem- 
bers proceeded to settle back in their seats immersed in 
newspapers, or began to chat with one another m so free a 
manner that soon the Hall was filled with the hum of con- 
versation which was only partly subdued by the sharp 
rapping of the Speaker's gavel. 

Finally he began to realize that he was not bemg listened 
to and he proceeded to raise his voice to a higher key. 
This only served to raise the pitch of the conversation about 
him until, in sheer desperation, he appealed to the "Chair" 
for attention on the part of the "House." 

Then the Speaker rapped loudly and persistently for 
order, and the new member proceeded with his address with 
a little better attention from a few members in his immedi- 
ate vicinity, while the rest of the members, being perfectly 
indifferent as to what an unknown might have to say, 
quietly, one by one, stepped out to the cloak rooms to 
resume their story telling or taking advantage of a lull In 
the proceedings (as they considered the new member's 
allotment of time), adjourned to the House Restaurant to 
allay a newly discovered hunger — or thirst. 

Just as he was becoming used to the situation and was 
beginning to believe that he was delivering an oratorical 
masterpiece he was rudely brought to a sudden stop by the 
pounding of the Speaker's gavel and, pausing to learn the 

20 











THE NEW MEMBER. 

21 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




OHIO M.C 




'^- Of\si\% ^ 



cause, was coldly informed that his allotment of time was 
exhausted. Then mopping- the perspiration from his 
fevered brow he resumed his seat, a sorely disappointed 
and disillusioned man. 

Uncle Hank's attention was now called to several mem- 
bers jumping to their feet and frantically waving their 
arms, trying to get recognition from the Speaker, who 
finally designated the "Gentleman from New York" as 
being entitled to the floor. 

"That is Sereno Payne, the leader of the majority," ex- 
plained Harry. "You see the Democrats are on the right 
and the Republicans left." 

"Republicans left — an" in th' majority? I reckon yer 
wrong abaout thet, Harry," retorted the old gentleman, 
poking him in the ribs to emphasize his little joke. 

"Et's wonderful haow th' Speaker kin recollect th' State 
each member comes frum th' moment he hops up," con- 
tinued Uncle Hank. 

"Yes, it is wonderful," replied Harry. "Speaker Hen- 
derson is an adept in that line. That white-haired member 
sitting about the center of the left is Galusha Grow, of 
Pennsylvania, the Patriarch of the House. He was 
Speaker before the Civil War. The tall, thin looking man 
who is speaking to him is Joseph G. Cannon of Illinois, 
the Chairman of the Committee on Appropriations — a 
most important committee, as it practically has charge of 
Uncle Sam's purse strings." 

"Who's thet chap with th' round shoulders, talkin' tew 

22 




SPEAKER HENDERSON IN ACTION. 

23 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 





TENT*. n.c 



th' little fat feller?" inquired Uncle Hank, indicating a 
couple of members directly beneath them. 

"That is Spencer Blackburn of North Carolina talking to 
George B. McClellan of New York, the son of 'Little Mac,' 
the famous Union General of the Civil War," replied 
Harry, "and the two members coming down the aisle are 
General Grosvenor of Ohio and General Harry Bingham of 
Pennsylvania, and that distinguished looking man they've 
stopped to talk to is Champ Clark of Missouri, one of the 
best speakers on the Democratic side." 

"Champ, did ye say, Harry?" inquired the old gentleman, 
in a quizzical tone. "Ez thet short fer Champeen?" 

"No, Uncle, but the name fits him — he's the champion 
debater on the minority's side. Some of the member's 
names are quite suggestive of their dispositions ; for in- 
stance, there is William Sulzer, whom the members have 
nicknamed 'Seltzer,' on account of his tendency to pop 
up at unexpected times ; and then there is R. R. Hitt, who 
hit the railroads pretty hard on several occasions. Some 
of the names, however, are not quite so appropriate — 
Moody of North Carolina is not at all moody or morose, 
and no one would think of intimating that H. C. Loudens- 
lager was addicted to 'lager.' " 

"T see ye've got them names down purty fine, Harry," re- 
marked the old man when he had concluded his description. 
"Naow, what might be th' name ov thet tall bean-pole 
over yonder?" 

"That is the tallest member of the House — Cyrus A. 

24 



GALUSHA GROW, M. C, from 
Pa. Original discoverer of 
Congress, the date of his dis- 
covery is not definitely 
known, being far beyond the 
memory of the present gen- 
eration. Was elected speaker 
in 1861, but managed to grow 
out of it. 




25 








WIS- 



M.C. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

Sulloway, and the little fellow he is shaking hands with 
is the new member who beat Perry Belmont after a red 
hot fight in New York — Montague Lessler, who has 
already made himself very popular with his fellow mem- 
bers." 

"Wall, they look like a free an' easy lot, half th' time they 
pay no attenshun tew th' speeches." 

"Well, you see, Uncle, they do most of their work in 
the committee rooms, and it is rarely that a bill is passed 
on the strength of the speeches made in its favor on the 
floor." 

"Whar's th' logs, Harry?" inquired Uncle Hank, after 
a searching glance over the "House.'' 

"The logs — what logs? I don't quite vmderstand." 

"Why, them logs th' logrollers use." 

"Oh, I see !" ejaculated Harry, with a smile. "I think 
you'll be apt to find them in the lobby — among the lobby- 
ists." 

"Ez thet cloak room, whar they go tew cloak ther 
crooked work — er ez et th' room ther female friends hang 
up ther cloaks when they call on ther members?" 

"Well, Uncle," responded Harry, "the cloak room is 
rather out of date — you see the name was adopted at the 
time when it was the fashion for members to wear long 
cloaks. Now, Uncle, I propose we go down to the 'floor,' 
as there is little likelihood of anything of an interesting 
character happening as long as that member has the floor," 
]x:>inting to a member in the rear of the chamber, who was 

2G 




MONTAGUE LESSLER, M. C, from New York: notable as the man who beat Perry Belmont 
in a race for Congress. Mr. Belmont thinks more ot Less-ler now. 

27 






AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




// W. VA. / 



l^^^^-^ 




^ T.knAfRO^''^ 



droning out what seemed like an interminable discourse 
on the legal phase of a certain bill before the House. 

As they passed along the corridors, Harry chanced to 
meet one of the members who had just been elected to 
represent the most aristocratic district in New York City, 
and in introducing him to his uncle had mentioned the 
fact that he was a "tenderfoot." This seemed to grate 
rather harshly on the sensibilities of the new member, who 
retorted with some asperity : 

'T say," said he, addressing his remarks to Harry, "there 
is something about the way you newspaper-men have of 
referring to men like myself as 'new' and 'tender' when 
they first appear in Congress that goes against the grain. 
My father was in Congress, and I have been imbibing 
principles of statecraft ever since I wore knickerbockers. 
When I first entered politics they called me a 'silk stock- 
ing.' and sneered openly because I changed my shirt once 
or twice a day. although I can't see what the texture of a 
man's hosiery or the frequency with which he changes his 
linen has to do with his political convictions. As a matter 
of fact, I prefer lisle thread to silk for hosiery. 

"One thing I found out rather quickly in Congressional 
life," he continued, "is that gentility is not a geographical 
question. It is as apt to come from one section of the 
country as from another, and there are many ways of 
defining a gentleman. There is a friend of mine in the 
House who is so Southern in fibre that when he talks I 
am strongly reminded of the famous hero of F. Hopkinson 

28 




JOSEPH G. CANNON, M. C, from Illinois, is chairman of the Committee on Appropria- 
tions. In this capacity his aim is to successfully pierce the steel armor of the United 
States Treasury. The Democrats (economically inclined when out of office) threaten to 
fire Cannon when they get control of Congress again. 

29 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




/CAL. 




'-''^AHAn.M,C.P£Mf^- 



Smith's novel, 'Colonel Carter, of Cartersville/ He is a 
gentleman to the core ; in fact, a thoroughgoing aristocrat. 
Yet, he thinks I'm 'the limit' of Northern aristocracy, but 
concedes that I 'mean well.' " 

"Well, you must admit that is a saving clause in his 
estimate of you," retorted Harry, with a snnle, "and in 
regard to this stigma of newness, as you seem to view it, it 
doesn't last long — next session you'll be a veteran." 

"Thet reminds me ov a story," interposed Uncle Hank, 
who had been listening intently to the remarks of the 
New Yorker. "Daown en Bostin a tipsy Irishman got 
onto a street car. an ez he sot daown he happened tew 
run up again a dood who muttered somethin' abaout 
'drunken fool.' Th' Irishman fastened his onsteady gaze 
on th' dood, ez he retorted, 'C)i may be d'hrunk an' all thet 
— Oi'll git over thet — but you're a dood ! an' you'll never 
get over thot !' " 

"It isn't the a'spersion of 'newness' that I object to," ex- 
claimed the New Yorker, laughingly, when Uncle Hank 
had concluded his story, "it's this confounded patronizing 
air assumed by the old members that I can't stand." 

"Wall, jest rub et in on th' next batch ov new Con- 
gressmen thet's elected," rejoined Uncle Hank, with a good 
natured grin. 

The party had now reached the main entrance to the 
House, around which was congregated a number of people 
patiently waiting to see the members lo whom they had 
sent in their names. Presently a member would appear 

30 




C. H. GROSVENOR. M. C, from Ohio, is all wool and a yard wide. His touching appeal in 
behalf of the Anti-Shoddy Bill brought tears from all of the wool growers and many 
of the clothing manufacturers of the country. The tears of the latter were caused by 
the apprehension that they might be compelled to manufacture clothing from real wool 
hereafter. 

31 




^ KAN. M.C 




<iv/.CrTEELE .n.c. 

USD. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

at the door holding a card in his hand, then spying some 
one in the crowd he would move over to an obscure corner 
with his visitor to engage in an earnest conversation. If 
the member spoke in loud, strident tones, rest assured his 
caller's mission was merely in relation to some trivial claim 
for damages to a haystack, or the loss of a mule during 
the war. But if the consultation was carried on in whispers, 
accompanied by furtive glances around, the chances were 
that a lobbyist was pursuing some deep laid scheme that 
would not stand too close a scrutiny. 

The crowd that surrounded the door well repaid study. 
There was the man of business, clearly a bank president or 
manager of some large corporation — if that rotund figure 
and florid complexion counted for anything. Then there 
was the inevitable politician, with his shiny silk hat and 
loud clothes, and a deep bass voice that can only be acquired 
by years of experience at Congressional conventions, or 
boisterous primary meetings. Here and there in the throng 
could be discerned anxious faces, eager with expectancy. 
Their frayed, well worn garments telling eloquently of 
days of patient waiting for positions in the departments, that 
were so hard to obtain. 

Some of the people about the door, however, were un- 
mistakably curiositv seekers, waiting to get a glimpse of 
some well known member. Harry told Uncle Hank that 
they were known as "Congressional rubbernecks." 

"Et's a free show, Harrv. an' ve can't blame 'em, fer et's 



32 



JOHN J. FEELY, M. C, from 
Illinois, being the youngest 
member is called the baby of 
the house, but he is consoled 
by the older members with 
the assurance that he will 
soon grow out of it. His 
speeches are printed in the 
Congressional Record as 
"Baby Talk." 




33 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



^^^^Jisf^^ 



1 



N.Y. Mx:. 



ez good ez a circus tew watch some ov them Congress- 
men strut abaout hke turkey gobblers in a barnyard." 

After strolHng about the corridors for some time, the ■ 
old gentleman proposed that they had better get some- 
thing to eat, "ez thet gnawin' sensashun in his stummick 
waz gittin' altogether too annoyin'." 

"The restaurant is right below," replied Harry, making 
his way to the stone stairway leading to the famous 
refectory, followed closely by the hungry farmer, who was 
used to getting his noonday repast promptly on the stroke 
of the noon hour. 



34 




"WILLIAM SULZER and H. M. GOLDFOGLE, members of Congress from New York, are 
close friends. When Congressman Sulzer bursts forth in eloquence on the floor ex- 
Judge Goldfogle is usually an appreciative listener. Mr. Sulzer fondly imagines that Henry 
Clay looked like William Sulzer. Some of his friends have sought to consoie him by 
assuring h'.m that he would eventually grow out of it. 

35 




HON. JAMES M. MOODY and HON. THEODORE F. KLUTZ, Tar-Heel Congressmen from the 
famous State noted for once possessing a Governor who propounded a query of a bibu- 
lous nature to the Governor of his adjoining State. Mr. Moody is said to be the best 
natured man in Congress and his co'league is not far behind him in point of popu- 
larity. In fact they are said to be both "tarred with the same stick." 

3G 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER IV. 



THE HOUSE RESTAURANT. 



"Upon zvhat meat doth this our Cccsar feed, that he is 
grozcn so great f" 

CHUS spoke the great Shakespeare many years ago, 
before the advent of the ]\Ieat Trust. In these 
latter clavs of variegated foods it is not wholly a 
matter of meat that concerns the modern man. 
When Marie Antoinette was told that the people of Paris 
were clamoring for bread, she innocently inquired why 
could they not be supplied with cake? When the stranger 
takes his first meal in the House Restaurant, he scans the 
menu card carefully, and then — orders pie. 

Large quantities of pie are consumed hourly while the 
session lasts — indeed, pie comes very near being the national 
dish if one were to judge by the enormous quantities de- 
voured in the "National" restaurant. 

The House of Representatives is usually referred to as 
the popular branch of Congress. Certainly the most popular 
part of this popular branch is the House Restaurant. 

This can be readily determined by a cursory examination 
of the different stairways leading from the floor of the 





AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



NY M.C. 




I 



^%d/i<^n-f Z'tJ 9zi/i<s^M^*~ 



'tn'i-r^ 



MICH. M.C 



House. It will be seen that the steps leading down to the 1 
restaurant are worn down to a much greater extent than 
those of any of the other stairways. 

"This is called the 'Lower House,' " explained Harry, with ^ 
a wink, as he led Uncle Hank down the stars to the restau- ^ 
rant. Entering through the swinging doors, the old gentle- 
man, after surveying the scene carefully, remarked: 

"Thar's a member before th' House, an' I reckon he'll 
soon hev th' floor, ef he don't look sharp, an' then I s'pose 
he'll be laid ontew th' table accordin' tew th' rules of th' 
haouse?" And he jerked his thumb over his shoulder 
towards a member who was drinking a glass of what looked 
suspiciously like whiskey, and this evidently not his first 
glass. 

Harry slapped his uncle on the back, and declared he 
was quite an expert parliamentarian. 

"However," he rejoined, "he might rise to a point of 
order — from the manager." 

"Thar's a feller makin' a p'int ov order naow !" exclaimed 
Uncle Hank, as he indicated a patron at one of the tables 
who was pointing his finger at a waiter to attract his 
attention. 

"Well, now you are before the bar of the house. 1 
move the previous question," remarked Harry, as they 
lined up before the sable bartender. "What'll it be?" 

"En answer tew that question, I nominate Hard Cider." 

"I'd like to make an amendment to that — as the House 



38 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

does not deal in cider. Strike out cider and insert Congres- 
sional Highball." 

'T object tew th' amendment. The last time I tried them 
tarnal 'high balls' I went rollin' hum in th' mornin" — if th' 
Haouse don't keep cider in stock, I'll nominate a bottle ov 
Sody." 

"Dat amendment passed, sah !" remarked the ebony-hued 
bartender, with an expansive grin, as he passed the bottle 
across the bar. 

As they proceeded to test the quality of the refreshment 
ordered, Harry remarked : "You will observe they do busi- 
ness on this floor very much the same as on the floor above — 
all bills are sent up to the chairman, and are placed by him 
on file." So saying, he picked up his bill and proceeded 
to the cashier's desk and liquidated his liquor bill. 

"Thet's a sort ov payin' th' price thet staggers humanity," 
remarked the old man, as he observed the operation. 

The pair now proceeded to one of the tables to order 
something more substantial in the way of refreshment. 
Soon they were waited on by a polite colored waiter, who 
deferentially inclined his head to take their order. 

"What does your appetite call for, Uncle?" inquired 
Harry. 

"Wall, my appetite calls for Boston baked beans an' 
brown bread, but I reckon thet when yer in Rome, ye'd 
better do ez Romans dew, an' I'll jest order sum ov thet 
'bullyun' soup, an' follow et up with th' rest ov them 
dishes named on that bill ov fare." 

39 




KAN, 




AROUXD THE CAPITAL. 




:^rrk^cu^ „^^. 



Ohio. 




HC 



As the polite waiter departed to fill their order, Harry 
called Uncle Hank's attention to the obsequiousness of the 
colored man. 

"You see, Uncle, that waiter is very polite ; you'd better 
tip him." 

"Wall, Harry, I like a jcke ez good ez anyone, but 
when a coon ez perlite tew me. I hain't got th' heart tew 
tip him up. especially when he's got a big lot ov dishes 
on his tray." 

Harry laughed outright at the old man's misconception 
of a "tip," but soon explained the matter to his satisfaction. 

It was not long l)efore they were busily engaged in 
satisfying the inner man. so busy, indeed, that they did not 
notice the occupants of the adjoining table. 

A quartette of sombre, dignified looking men were, 
seated at this table, in the center of which stood a small 
bowl of crackers, and in front of each gentleman stood a 
tea cup and saucer. Several times the waiter brought his 
tray to their table, but always with the same order — four 
cups of cold tea. It was not long before this caught Uncle 
Hank's eye. 

"Et seems tew me aour neighbors thar ez great tea 
drinkers," he whispered to Harry. 

"Yes. Uncle, that's Congressional tea — it looks like tea — 
but " 

"Et tastes like whiskey, eh ?" interposed Uncle Hank, with 
a significant wink. 

The restaurant had now filled up quite perceptibly, and 

40 




■CYRUS A. SULLOWAY, M. C, from New Hampshire, has been longer in Congress than any 
other member— about a foot longer. While not considered proud or haughty, it has 
been noticed that he has a habit of looking down on his fellow members, holding hia 
head very high on all occasions. 

41 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




IOWA M.C. 




^:^o^?fr..'-- 



INID. 



it presented a very animated scene ; Congressmen, in 
affluent circumstances, were entertaining friends in the most 
lavish manner, while the economically inclined contented 
themselves with more meagre lunches. Uncle Hank was 
not slow to perceive the marked difference between the 
member in moderate circumstances and the man of wealth. 

"I tell ye, Harry, them wealthy members spend so much 
time en dinin' on quail on toast that they hev no time tew 
think ov th' American Eagle." 

The restaurant was in full blast now ; all was life and 
activity. Groups of diners were formed in corners. Every- 
body knew everybody else. Everybody was laughing, 
talking, joking and having a good time; a more animated 
scene it would be difficult to conceive. Handsomely 
gowned, beautiful women were chatting pleasantly with 
stately, sombre-browed statesmen. Congressmen from aJl 
sections were hobnobbing with their constituents in unob- 
trusive corners — the long drawl of the Southerner mingling 
with the nasal intonations of the New Englander. As the 
crowd increased, the chatter of conversation grew louder 
and vied with the clatter of dishes for supremacy. 

The new Congressman was present with all his new- 
found importance, but failed to impress here, as on the floor 
above. Evidently nobody knew the new member — even that 
impressionable personage, the waiter, failed to be impressed ; 
it was sad. The new Congressman walked the length of the 
room and out again at the other door; he was no more than 
a button on the waiter's coat. In fact, all distinction of 

42 







SERENO PAYNE LECTURING THE DEMOCRATS. 

43 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

rank and station was blotted out in the Congressional 
restaurant. There was no haughty doortender to demand 
your card on admittance, and you didn't have to draw 
lots for seats. The only qualification required was the 
ability to pay your bill, and the only "pull" requisite — the 
pull you gave the coat tail of the waiter as he passed you 
by without taking vour order. 



44 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER V. 



THE SENATE. 



'Some of you nicely ken the laws, 
To round the period and pause, 
And zvi' rhetoric clause on clause 

To make harangues." — Burns. 



CHE chaplain had just conchided his invocation to 
the Almighty to graciously guide the "grave and 
reverend" Senators in their weighty deliberations 
when Uncle Hank and his nephew arrived at the 
door of the gallery reserved for "gentlemen." Here they 
found nearly all the seats occupied, and they were about 
to beat a hasty retreat when Harry discovered a couple 
vacant in an obscure corner. When they were seated they 
discovered that their neighbors were two burly citizens of 
African descent, who had arrived earlier and had secujed 
points of vantage. Uncle Hank was soon on familiar terms 
with his neighbor, and before long had him grinning from 
ear to ear at some of his comments on the scenes below. 
Placing his mouth close to the darky's ear he would whisper 
for a few seconds, and the African would guffaw with a 
burst of merriment that soon attracted the attention of 
the officer in charge, who lost no time in warning him 

45 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




,— > / Al.C. 




OA. no. 



that if he laughed like that again he would put him out 
of the gallery, as it was not a circus he was attending. 
The old gentleman waited until the ot^cer's back was 
turned and then, leaning over, whispered what must have 
been a particularly good joke, for the darky just laid 
back and roared. This brought the officer to his side at 
once, and, seizing hold of his arm, led him from the gallery, 
at the same time darting a suspicious glance at Uncle Hank, 
whose face betrayed not the slightest trace of merriment, 
but who at once took possession of the vacated seat with a 
grunt of supreme satisfaction, as it afiforded him an excel- 
lent opportunity to view the proceedings in the chamber 
below. 

Harry was both amazed and amused at his uncle's shrewd 
scheme to get a better seat. "That was a slick trick. Uncle,"' 
he whispered. 

" 'Twan't no trick, Harry," he answered, "et's only a new 
application ov th' doctrin' ov th' survival ov th' fittest," 
and the old man winked a very emphatic wink. 

The chamber was nov/ filling up very fast, and the 
Senators were nearly ali in their respective seats. 

Harry had procured descriptive cards with diagrams 
showing the location of each member's seat, which Uncle 
Hank was busily studying in an endeavor to locate the 
more prominent members. Senator Matthew Stanley Quay, 
who had been one of the first to reach his seat, sat stoop- 
shouldered, with his hands in his lap, looking disconsolately 
toward the "chair," apparently taking not the slightest 

46 




CONX>RESSMAN JACOB RUPPERT of New York, would resent the imputation of being ••fast"— yet 
he is frequently seen in the streets of Washington in an automobile that is anything but slow. 

47 








iht'vi.^0 S ( 



LiJcJ^A^Iv-iX- 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

interest in the proceedings. A few seats to the right sat 
Senator Chauncey M. Depew opening his mail, stopping 
frequently to nod and speak to members who chanced to 
pass his desk, and always with a smile — Senator Depew is 
urbanity personified. 

A stout gentleman enters limping, and leaning on a 
stout cane, and making his way to his seat a little in the 
rear, is at once surrounded by a bevy of Senators. This 
is Senator Mark Hanna, who has never been known to sit 
five minutes alone. He is apparently the busiest man in 
the Senate. 

Senator Frye, the President pro tem. of the Senate, has 
taken advantage of an opportunity aft'orded by the delivery 
of a long, dry speech by one of the Senators, to vacate his 
chair, and placing his gavel in charge of Senator John 
Kean, is hobnobbing with the diflferent members over their 
desks. He is evidently on very familiar terms with Senator 
Allison, as they laugh and chat like a couple of schoolboy 
chums. Senator Spooner is nearby with his face deeply 
lined with a severe frown — which seems habitual with him 
— conversing in the most earnest manner with Senator 
Beveridge, the youthful looking Senator from Indiana. 

"Mr. President," calls out Senator Tillman in a high- 
keyed voice. 

Senator Frye instantly rushes for his chair, knowing 
well that when Senators of the "pitchfork" variety want 
the floor it is not safe to trust the gavel to any but experi- 
enced hands. 

48 




BENJAMIN R. TILLMAN, ot South Carolina, Senator, Parmer and Knight of the Pitchfork. Having 
but one eye, finds great difficulty in seeing both sides of a question. The above sketch shows him 
in the act of delivering one of his masterpiece? of vituperation, with Senators Stewart and Teller 
as amused and interested '.isteners. 

49 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 








<i-«^. jaylor-'^ 



Senator Tillman wishes to ask a few questions of the 
gentleman who has the floor; will the gentleman yield? 
Certainly; senatorial courtesy could not permit less. The 
debate is on the vexatious Philippine question, and the 
South Carolina Senator has challenged a statement made 
by the honorable gentleman from Dakota. This brings a 
retort from Senator Beveridge, who has been to the Phil- 
ippine Islands, and considers himself an authority on all 
matters affecting the Filipinos. Soon the Senate is in an 
uproar and the sharp, shrill voice of the South Carolinian is 
heard declaring that ^'if the gentleman from Indiana would 
only not jump around like a grasshopper we could tell 
where to find him !" 

This brings a laugh from the people in the galleries, who, 
having come to be amused, are very grateful to Senator Till- 
man for having afforded them such an excellent opportunity 
for merriment. 

At this juncture in stalks Senator Thomas C. Piatt, i 
grown very sedate and cpite stoopshouldered, with never aj 
smile on his deeply lined face. He proceeds at once to his 
desk, where he is soon busied with his mail. Presently a 
page approaches and hands him a card, which the Senator 
glances at and, quietly laying down, continues the exami-j 
nation of his letters. 

A tall, dignified looking old gentleman with bald head] 
and long, flowing white beard — (a typical "Father Time' 
or Santa Claus) — enters from one of the cloak rooms and,! 
standing stock still in the aisle, looks over the chamber — as aj 

50 






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iffi^H^^d^H 


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liK 



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-^c^^fJ.MfCombfT. Mr?s.M.A.Ha.nn9.. rnm<>. <j,.n-.bon. F?ep. O.K .P.Belmont. W«^. a«»]n, oo K 



A FAMILIAR SCENE IN THE SENATE GALLERY. 

51 




f' {£> <r-y*o^ijtZc 







AROUXD THE CAPITAL. 

country schoolmaster would look over his country school- 
room when he first came in in the morning, to see whether 
his scholars had all arrived and were properly in their seats. 
This is the venerable Senator Stewart, the silver Senator 
from Nevada. 

'T can't understand et, Harry !" whispered Uncle Hank to 
his nephew. 

"Can't undersand what?" 

"Why, they say thet seat daown thar cost th' Senitor 
twenty-five thousand dollars, an' I'll vow ye kin git a better 
one in Bostin fer ten dollars," and the old man nudged 
Harry with his elbow to emphasize his little joke. 

"You must remember that this is called the 'Millionaires 
Club.' They've made the seats expensive, and it is said 
that it is easier for the proverbial camel to go through the 
eye of a needle than it is for a poor man to enter the Sen- 
ate nowadays." 

"Wall, them Southern Senitors don't look like millyun- 
airs !'' exclaimed the old man. 

"No, the Southern members are, as a rule, men in very 
moderate circumstances. Morgan, Pettus, Blackburn, 
Pritchard, Tillman, Barry, Simmons and Carmack would 
hardly be termed w^ealthy men, but what they lack in wealth 
they make up in aggressiveness " 

"Tillman, fer instance!" ejaculated Uncle Hank, remem- 
bering the passage at arms on the Senate floor a short time 
previous, in which the South Carolinian had figured quite 
prominently. 

62 



1 




SENATOR WM. A. CLARK, of Butte. Montana, a town noted chiefly for having produced 
the greatest genius of the day — Mary MacLane, the author of "I am it." The Sena- 
tor is also a great author; his works consisting principally of small rectangular slips 
printed on one side and signed in autograph by the author. These writings are coH' 
sidered by their possessors, the most valuable ever issued from the Senate Chamber. 

53 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 








^.y(J 



"Who's thet smart lookin' chap thet's jest takin' his seat 
thar?" he inquired of Harry, at the same time pointing his 
finger towards a neat, dapper Httle man in a closely buttoned 
frock coat. 

''That is Senator Clark, the multi-millionaire copper 
king of Montana. He is said to have the largest income 
of any man in the Senate." 

"All them copper kings make money, Harry. Ther's 
Devery in Noo York ; when he waz king ov th' 'coppers' he 
waz reported tew hev made lots ov money. Naow thar's a 
fine-lookin' Senitor!" he continued, designating an exceed- 
ingly well-built man, broad shouldered and straight as an 
Indian, with clear-cut features. 

"That's Senator Bailey, the young Texan, who, if hel 
could control his temper, would make his mark in the 
Senate some of these days," replied Harry, in the easy going j 
vernacular of the newspaper man. 

The young Texan Senator is one of the few men in thej 
Senate who are personally popular with the correspondents^ 
He is frequently seen in the corridors of the Capitol telling 
some funny story or imparting some choice bit of news tc 
the eager correspondent of some out-of-town paper. Ir 
debate he is the match of any man in Congress. On one 
occasion, in championing the ri?"hts of the State of Soutl 
Carolina, he was interrupted by Senator Hoar with a fewj 
legal questions. Suavely he replied : 

"Of course when the venerable Senator from Massa- 
chusetts asks about the law, the question answers itselfj 

54 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



The venerable Senator from Massachusetts is so dis- 
tinguished a lawyer that even if I thought him wrong I 
should hesitate to say so." 

The Senator from Massachusetts flushed until his white 
hair looked much whiter by contrast. 

Then Senator Foraker tried to measure wits with the 
youthful Texan. 

"That may be the law in Texas," he said, "but it is not 
in any other State I ever heard of." 

"There is a great deal of law the Senator from Ohio has 
not heard of," retorted Senator Bailey in the blandest tone 
imaginable. 

But the Ohioan was rash. He came back again : 

"Undoubtedly, and especially in Texas, from what the 
Senator has said." 

The Texan played with him. 

*T had the misfortune once to try a case in Ohio, and I 
learned some remarkable law there." said he. 

"I have no doubt you learned something before you got 
through with it," retorted Foraker, with some heat. 

The Republicans laughed. 

"Yes," replied Bailey, in his peculiar drawl, "if there is 
so much to be learned there I commend the Senator from 
Ohio to stay there as much as his Senatorial duties will 
allow." 

And the Senator from Ohio took his seat amid the 
laufrhter that followed. 

As Uncle Hank became better acquainted with the Sen- 

55 




fM£R ' M.C 




M£.OLM5TED.M.C 



/. 




^^w^ 




^na ^<^^^-^^ 



AROUND THE CAPTTAL. 

ators he became more interested in their speeches and, as 
was usual with him, his comments often took a humorous 
turn. A Senator from the West in the course of his speech 
orated : ''No man can say this hand ever took any money," 
and holding his right hand aloft, looked proudly over the 
Chamber. 

"Haow abaout th' left hand?" inquiringly asked the old 
man of his nephew, with a wink. 

"Uncle, it is a wise provision of nature that provides pol- 
iticians with two hands," responded Harry. 

Rap ! rap ! rap ! went the presiding officer's gavel. The 
Senator who had been addressing the Senate stopped in 
the midst of his peroration. 

"A message from the President of the United States !" ex- 
claimed a tall, dignified official in dramatic tones, holding 
aloft a monster envelope bearing a huge red seal which was 
promptly passed up to the clerk of the Senate. 

There is no question about the Senate being a very digni- 
fied body. Every Senator looks as though he was sus- 
taining a very great load, and as a result the majority of 
them are exceedingly round-shouldered. Whether this is 
due to the strain of bearing weighty legislative problems 
or the efifect of carrying obstreperous legislatures is hard 
to surmise. Harry told his uncle that he thought it was due 
to the constant "Alphonse and Gaston" genuflections of 
courtesy that prevailed in this august body. Once in a 
while, however, "senatorial courtesy" gets a rude shock, 



66 




J-^' 



SENATOR WILLIAM PIERCE FRTE of Maine. President Pro-Tern, of the Senate, is no small- 
fry statesman. He is busily engaged in studying new rules for the Senate, which were 
invented by one. Marquis of Queensberry. 

57 




M<« 



<tJLU4 M.<. 




N.J. 



M.C. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

as it did a short time ago when Senator TiHman handed 
Senator McLaurin a neat right hand swing on the jaw, 
which that gentleman countered with a short arm jolt on 
the proboscis of his adversary according to the most ap- 
proved rules of the Marquis of Oueensberry — a very foolish 
proceeding in itself, as there had been no provision made 
for "gate money." Such a contest, had it been properly 
advertised, would have filled the galleries at twenty dollars 
a head, and the moving picture privilege could have been 
sold for thousands of dollars. 

The word DIGNITY is a very portentous word in the 
Senate wing of the Capitol. It permeates every action and 
every sentiment of every Senator. Woe unto him who 
would cause any infraction of the Senate's dignity — his 
punishment is sure to be swift and severe. 

No writing or sketching can be done in the galleries — not 
even an entry in a diary, without calling down the wrath of 
the officers in charge ; and to be caught taking a snap shot 
with a camera is a little short of a capital crime. Amateur 
photographers with cameras concealed about their persons 
are looked upon in the same light as anarchists with bombs 
and similar malefactors. 

In the House it is not unusual to hear a burst of ap- 
plause at some telling point in debate, but in the Senate — 
never. Senators are far too dignified to allow such ebulli- 
tions of feeling to disturb their deliberations. "Laugh and 
grow fat" is an aphorism that has no place in Senatorial 



58 




SENATOR JOSEPH W. BAILEY of Texas, the strong man of the South. A fine orator Of the 
Roman school— also wrestler of the Greco-Roman school. In his flights of oratory is 
most expert in the use of the hands as an aid to oratorical effect. HaL a strong aversioa 
to "Beverages" of all sorts. 

69 





AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

economy. There are very few fat Senators in consequence. 
Julius C'jesar knew his business when he exclaimed : 

"Let iiic have men about me who are fat!" 

Uncle Hank now concluded that he had spent as much 
time as he cared to in the gallery, and, as his nephew had 
promised to introduce him to some of the more important 
Senators, he intimated that they had better take their de- 
parture. To this Harry at once assented. In passing along 
the corridor the old gentleman noticed the different en- 
trances to the galleries. 

"Harry !" exclaimed he, "I notice thar's th' Executive, 
Diplarmatic Members', an' Gentlemen's Galleries, but I 
don't see no People's Gallery." 

"You're mistaken, Uncle," replied his nephew, "the Peo- 
ple have the finest and most exclusive gallery. It is 
called the Press Gallery — where the Argus-eyed repre- 
sentatives of the people's watchdogs — the newspapers — 
are installed and zealously note and report every proceed- 
ing to their masters — the People." 

"An' ef th' Senitors don't behave themselves?" 

"It costs them twice as much to get re-elected," replied 
Harrv with a laugh. 



o>nc 



60 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER VI. 



AN INTERVIEW. 



CHE corridors surrounding the Senate Chamber are 
always tlironged with visitors who are ever on the 
alert to discover some celebrity — some prominent 
man whom they have frequently seen pictured in 
the magazines and newspapers. 

The vestibules are well worth the attention they attract, 
being very elaborately decorated. Entering from the east- 
ern portico through the Senate bronze doors, designed by 
Thomas Crawford, the famous sculptor, you find yourself 
at the Senate reception room, an apartment about sixty 
feet long, but divided by an arch, where Senators receive 
visitors upon business. It is gaudily decorated. The floor 
is of ]\Iinton tiles, and the walls are covered with rococo 
designs in stucco, in high relief and heavily gilded. The 
panels are embellished with allegorical paintings by the 
"wonderful" Brumidi — although the less said about them 
the better. 

In the Senate lobby, entering from the reception-room, 
the first door at the right opens into the Vice-President's 
room, where Henry Wilson died in 1875 

The next door admits to the Marble Room, so called be- 

61 




^Pn.TiJIman of 50- 




y, ^ . <Ji\ ouUiX, o^^JL^ m . c 




no. nC. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

cause every part of its interior is formed of variegated and 
sculptured marbles. Here the noble Senators hold con- 
sultations at ease, ^ or receive their more privileged guests. 
Luxurious sofas, soft chairs, warm rugs and lace curtains 
abound, and at night the room is fairly aglow with blazing 
lights. 

It was in this room that L'ncle Hank and his nephew 
found themselves after their cards had been taken to Sen- 
ator Mark Hanna, and word was returned by the page that 
the Senator would see them in the reception-room. They 
had hardly been seated when the familiar, rotund form of 
the Senator from Ohio appeared. Harry was on particu- 
larly intimate terms with Mr. Hanna, having, in his capac- 
ity of newspaper correspondent, rendered signal service 
to the Campaign Committee in the last campaign. In in- 
troducing his uncle to the Senator the old man also made 
use of a letter of introduction from an intimate friend. 
This served to put him on familiar terms with the good- 
natured magnate from Ohio. 

As he settled back in the large cushioned chair the urbane 
Senator looked the personification of Senatorial ease and 
contentment, and it could readily be perceived that he 
fitted his surroundings, or, rather, that his surroundings 
fitted him, for his ample body completely filled the com- 
modious chair. 

"I see by your letter of introduction, Mr. Slocum, that 
you are known to your friends as 'Uncle Hank' — any rela- 
tion to Uncle Sam?" inquired the Senator with a twinkle 

63 




UNCLE HANK INTERVIEWS SENATOR MARK HANNA. 

G3 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 








a,a. i2i^Jt^^ c. 



Md. 



of the eye that betokened a nature keenly alive to the 
humorous side of life. 

"Yas, I'm a great-grandson ov a god-father ov his'n," 
replied Uncle Hank without a sign of merriment. 

"Why, I never heard that he had such a relation before," 
remarked the Senator in a somewhat mystified manner. 

"Wall, ye see," related the old man in a dry, matter-of- 
fact tone, "my great-grandfather waz one ov th' signers 
ov th' Declarashun ov Inderpendence, an' ez Uncle Sam 
waz only a baby then, we daown-easters alius considered 
them signers th' true god-fathers et th' christenm' thet took 
place shortly after." 

"Quite good," laughingly rejoined the Senator, "and 
very well entitled, I should say they were, to the honor. 
Your Uncle Samuel has grown to be quite a good-sized chap 
since those days." 

''He's growed a heap sence them days, in fact he's kicked 
aout th' footboard ov his cradle ov liberty an' landed one 
foot clean acrost th' Pacific Ocean tew them Phillypene 
Islands," retorted the old man with a chuckle. 

"Well, do you approve of the operation?" slyly inquired 
the Senator with the view of ascertaining his visitor's sen- 
timents. 

"Wall, et's all right ef he don't git a cramp in his leg 
frum stretchin' so fer." 

"Wliich your Massachusetts Senator thinks quite likely." 

"Yas, some folks thinks thet ef ye dump yaller mud intew 



64 




SENATOR GEORGE FRISBIE HOAR ot Massachusetts, a kindly and 
venerable statesman who Is so deeply immersed in the ethics 
o{ Ideal statecraft th-it he is totally unconscious ot the chicaneries 
of his fellow Senators. A profound student ot early American 
history— deems George Washington to have been in some respects 
as great a man as Aguinaldo. 

65 



AROUXD THE CAPITAL. 





Mo. 



th' spring th' water's apt tew git riley," retorted Uncle 
Hank with a grin. 

The Senator soon perceived that he could make no im- 
pression on the old man on this line, so he turned the con- 
versation in another direction. 

"Have you been .to see the President yet?" he inquired 
in his blandest tone. 

''Not yit. Ye see th' Preserdint hez bin receivin' th' 
new ambassydor frum England, an' gittin' on sech friendly 
terms with them British, thet I waz afeard thet p'raps old- 
line citizens w'hose ancestors fit en ther Revolooshun 
mightn't be welcome." 

"Oh, don't let a little thing like that bother you. Why, if 
George Washington were living to-day he would most 
probably cross the Atlantic with Benjamin Franklin, Robert 
Morris and a few others and, after attending a court func- 
tion at Windsor Castle, would organize a Trust or two in the 
'tight little isle' before returning home," and the Senator 
laughed quite heartily at the picture he evolved. 

"Ef thet's th' view ye take ov George W^ashin'ton, then 
I disagree with ye, Senitor. I 'rote a song abaout what I 
thot th' father ov his coimtry would do ef he waz livin' 
tew-day. Ef ye don't mind Ell read et tew ye," slowly 
drawled the old man with a twinkle in his eye. 

"Go ahead. Uncle," quickly replied the Senator. "I am 
very fend of verse — of the homely sort." 

With this encouragement the old man produced his 
manuscript and commenced to read : 

6G 




SENATOR SHEtBY M. CTJLLOM. of Illinois. Before his hair and beard turned e;ray he bore a striking resemblance 
to Abraham Lincoln. Seems to have a mortgage on liis seat in the Senate, being very popular at home. 

07 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

EF GEORGE JV ASH IN' TON JVAZ LIVIN' 

Ef George IVashinton waa livin tezv-day 

An' he sazu them politicians 

Oz' all parties an' conditions 

Makin barter ov positions — 

Naozu zvhat dezu yezv s'pose he'd sayt 








^'*^.&Z^ n.c. 



JLL. 



Ef George JJ'ashin'ton zva:: livin' tezv-day 
An' he sazv them millynn-aires 
Struttin' a-round zvith lofty airs 
Buy in' tip them Senate chairs — 
Naozv zsuhat dezv yezv s'pose he'd say^ 

Ef George IVashinton zvaz lizdn tezv-day 
An' sJiud see a monster Trust 
All th' little merchants bust 
To poor Uncle Sam's disgust — 
Naozv zvhat dczv yezv s'pose he'd say? 

Ef George IVashinton zvaz livin tezv-day 

He'd read th' Dec-lara-shiin 

Ov In-der-pen-dcnce tezv th' nation 

Without any hes-i-ta-shun — 

An' I reckon he'd hev som'tJiin' tezv say. 



"That's a very clever poem, but it's only fancy. You 
must remember that Washington was an aristocrat in his 
day — a very wealthy man ; and if living to-day would most 

68 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

probably be identified with many of the big corporations 
known as Trusts." 

"Senitor," replied Uncle Hank, holding up his finger to 
emphasize his remarks, "th' man who jeopardized his large 
estates ez well ez his neck fer a cause thet looked ez forlorn 
ez a sinkin' ship et sea en a storm, waz not th' sort o' man 
thet greedy, monopolizin' Trust magnates ez made ov." 

"The spirit of '76 is still alive," replied the Senator, smil- 
ing at the old man's earnestness. 

"I see ye've won yer fight on th' Pannyma Canal," ob- 
served the old man. 

"Yes, and now we'll dig that vexatious 'ditch.' " 
"Wall, ef ye don't,'' retorted the old man quietly, "Uncle 
Sam's likely tew land ye en th' ditch." 

But the Senator was not easily ruffled, in fact, he was 
keenly studying the shrewd old Yankee and put questions 
to him mainly for the purpose of drawing him out. 

"When you get back to Massachusetts, Uncle, you might 
tell some of those ardent Filipino sympathizers that Ad- 
miral Dewey doesn't think much of their hero, Aguinaldo," 
said he in a tone that savored slightly of sarcasm. 

"Wall, Dewey hez made mistakes before," retorted Uncle 
Hank doggedly. 

"But he made no mistakes at Manila," snapped the Sen- 
ator. 

After a slight pause occasioned by the receipt of a card 

by the Senator from another visitor. Uncle Hank resumed : 

"I see th' Demycrats air tryin' tew git together fer next 

69 




URS JOHN HAI 







mass! 



M.C. 




-SENOfiA MEROU 
Wife of ministir 

of 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

'lection, but Bryan refooses tew shake Cleveland's hand an' 
make up," observed Uncle Hank. 

"Bryan is like the Irishman's snake," replied the Senator. 
"It is said that a snake's tail will wiggle hours after it is 
killed. Well, an Irishman walking along a country road 
found a dead snake by the roadside, and on touching it with 
his stick the tail wiggled as if alive. Says the Irishman, 
'Sure it's dead, but doesn't know it !' " The Senator w^as so 
pleased with the point he had made that when he arose to say 
good-bye to the old man his face was wreathed in smiles. 



70 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER Vn. 



A BIT OF THE CAPITOL. 



CHE majestic Capitol Building is a never ending 
source of delight to thousands of tourists who 
annually visit Washington. Superbly placed on 
a commanding eminence it is easily the gem of 
the Capital's many architectural jewels. 

The corner-stone was laid on September i8, 1793, by 
General George Washington, who was the Past Grand 
Master of Alexandria Lodge of Free Masons. 

The building was completed in 1827. It was partly 
burned by the British when they invaded the city in 18 14. 
On July 4, 185 1, President Millard Fillmore laid the corner- 
stone of the new wings of the Capitol. Daniel Webster 
delivered the oration on this occasion. The first building 
was constructed of Virginia brownstone which was painted 
white. The later additions to the Capitol were built of 
Massachusetts granite. The difference is quite perceptible. 
The Capitol Building measures seven hundred and fifty- 
one feet in length and three hundred and fifty feet in 
width and covers nearly four acres of ground. 

The massive dome is three hundred and seven and a half 
feet in height and was completed in 1865. It is made of 

ri 








^■^■^KltLLf^^.V^-^-'"'^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

iron plates so arranged that they slide smoothly one upon 
the other with the contraction and expansion due to the 
varying temperatures, folding and unfolding like a gigantic 
coat of mail. The weight of this enormous mass of iron is 
eight million nine hundred and nine thousand and two 
hundred pounds, exclusive of the statue of armed Liberty, 
designed by Thomas Crawford, by which it is surmounted. 
This statue is nineteen feet six inches in height and weighs 
fourteen thousand nine hundred and eighty-five pounds, 
and was set in place in 1863. 

From the central portico of the east front of the Capitol 
the President of the United States delivers his inaugural 
address, after having taken the oath of office administered 
by the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. 

It was on one of those bright mornings for which Wash- 
ington is justly famous, that LTncle Hank stood on this 
portico, silently contemplating the beautiful scene beyond, 
his thoughtful features radiant with good nature. Sud- 
denly he broke out with a low chuckle of merriment. 

"Thar's whar Gineral Coxey's army marched up tew th' 
Capitol, an' waz told tew 'keep off th' grass' by th' perlice, 
so Harry sez. An' over thar ez thet statoo ov George 
Washin'ton in summer dress holdin' up his ban' tew ketch 
th' ball Columbus ez goin' tew throw tew him. I don't 
know ez thet ez what th' sculpter intended, but thet's th' 
way et looks tew me." 

At this moment a Capitol guide approached leading a 
crowd of tourists and in a loud and sonorous voice de- 

72 




•THAR'S WHAR GINERAL COXEY'S ARMY STOOD WHEN TH' PERLICE TOLD 'EM TEW 
■KEEP OFF TH- GRASS!' " 



AROUND THE CAPITAL, 








.N:4. In- 



scribed the Washington statue, with hand uplifted, as 
having been executed by Greenough, and Coknnbus, with 
the globe in his hand, by Persico. And Uncle Hank, after- 
listening intently to the florid description by the guide, 
turned around to the crowd and gave his version, describing 
with great minuteness the evident intention of the statues 
to play into each other's hands. This created a loud 
laugh from the tourists to the great disgust of their guide. 

"Wouldn't you like to join the party?" sarcastically in- 
quired the guide in an unguarded moment, not dreaming 
that such a know-it-all countryman would give up a fee for 
being shown about. But he miscalculated. Uncle Hank 
saw a good chance to have considerable fun at his ex- 
pense, and to the astonishment of the guide produced the 
fee and followed the sight-seeing retinue. 

The party now entered the rotunda, where the guide pro- 
ceeded to deliver his set description in a low monotone 
devoid of any emphasis or inflection. Said he, "Note the 
magnificent marble corridors and stairways of the extension 
to this beautiful rotunda, which is ninety-seven feet in 
diameter and rising clear from floor to inner shell of dome, 
one hundred and eighty feet above. These eight oil paint- 
ings" (waving his hand towards the panels surrounding the 
rotunda) "have for their subjects memorable scenes in the 
history of the Continent and of the United States. First, 
we come to 'The Landing of Columbus on San Salvador, 
October 12, 1492,' by John Vanderlyn. Then here is The 



74 




Rep. Dick, of Ohio. 
IN STATUARY HALL. 

75 



Abner McKinley. 




-^^^^ ^^StXl^MC. 



C9NN. 




^■M-H- 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

Discovery of the Mississippi by De Soto in 1541/ by W. 
H. Powell." 

A would-be wag in the party w^anted to know if this was 
the man who invented soda crackers. He was promptly 
squelched by the guide, who was of a very serious turn of 
mind, and then proceeded with his party to the next pic- 
ture to wdiich he directed their attention. 

"This is 'The Baptism of Pocahontas at Jamestown, Vir- 
ginia, 1613,' by Chapman." Uncle Hank wanted to know 
if Chapman was the Baptist minister shown in the painting, 
and intimated that a water-color painting would have better 
suited a baptismal scene. The non-humorous guide took 
no notice of these remarks, but proceeded to the next scene. 

"This fine painting depicts 'The Embarkation of the Pil- 
grims from Delft-Haven in 1620,' painted by R. W. Weir. 
We now come to the finest painting of the lot, Trumbull's 
'Declaration of Independence at Philadelphia, July 4., 
1776.' " 

Uncle Hank's comments on the pictures attracted more 
attention from the party than did the guide's prosaic de- 
scription, 

"Thet looks like a crowd ov Washington's — all plain- 
faced an' be-wigged ; them days must hev bin fine fer bar- 
ber shops." remarked the old gentleman in a low tone, 
inaudible to the guide, but which caused a titter from those 
in his immediate vicinity. 

'"This is 'The Surrender of Burgoyne,' " continued the 
guide, "and this the fourth of the Trumbull series, 'The 

70 



lata 

oo IIU4 out aat»f 







SENATOR WILLIAM B. ALLISON of Iowa, a Senator since 1S73. So {amlliar with the rules 
that he frequently exhibits that contempt of them which is usually the result of familiar- 
ity. Is very comfortable In his seat in the Senate Chamber and has concluded to spend 
the remainder of his life there, having just been re-elected with the understanding that 
he can have the job indefinitely. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 





uvoi^^fsr^ 



Resignation of General Washington.' These pictures are 
very vakiable from an historical standpoint, being the 
result of thirty years of preparation by the soldier-artist, 
Colonel John Trumbull, who was an aide-de-camp ot Gen- 
eral Washington, and who was familiar with all the men 
depicted in these priceless portrayals of the Fathers of the 
Republic." 

The attention of the party was now directed to the statues 
surrounding the rotunda. 

"This statue of Thomas Jefferson was made by a French 
sculptor, David D'Angers, and presented to Congress, who 
first rejected and then finally accepted it. The statue of 
Alexander Hamilton is by Stone." "A good name fer a 
sculptor," interjected Uncle Hank, but the guide ignored 
him, as he continued : "The next pedestal supports the 
statue of Colonel Baker, the Oregon Senator and soldier, 
and adjoining is the artistic statue of General U. S. Grant, 
presented by the G. A. R. We now come to the much dis- 
cussed statue by Vinnie Ream Hoxie, of Abraham Lincoln, 
for which Congress paid fifteen thousand dollars in 1870, 
after a long debate, in which Senator Sumner made an 
able speech on 'Art as Applied to the Capitol.' " 

The party showed signs of tiring with the prosaic 
speeches of the guide, and every witty allusion made by 
Uncle Hank was greeted with hearty laughter. Standing 
before the Lincoln statue, looking into its thoughtful face, 
he produced a folded paper from an inside pocket, and as 
the party gathered around he proceeded to read a poem 

78 




A CONTRAST OF CONGRESSMEX. 
OLIVER HAZARD PERRY BELMONT, M. C, from New York, is a wealthy man who re- 
quires four words to express his full name: but. it is said, it requires double as many 
figures to indicate his fortune. CHAMP CLARK, the Missouri Congressman,' Is also a 
wealthy man — in his mind — inasmuch as his mind is a perfect mine of oratorical wealth. 
His first name is not an abbreviation for Champion, although he is an acknow'edged 
chamrion of debate on the Democratic side of the House. 



79 





AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

which, he explained to his hearers, was suggested by his 
contemplation of the statue the day before. 
Striking a dramatic attitude, he read as follows : 

Wisdom kill never be tauglit — 
Ability r^ seldom inherited — 
Knozvledge ec rarely bought, 
'Cepiii' ivhar experience merited. 

Th' times air unjinted. Oh, Lord, 
Th' millyunair's son's a rake; 
Extravagance eats up th' hoard 
TJiet took a hull life time teiv make. 

Th' ballot e:: losin' et's pozver. 
An money ez rulin' th' land; — 
Th' Trusts make Uncle Sam eozver — 
He's beginnin' tezv understand. 

Soon he'll azvake an' open his eyes 
Some tine day onexpected ; 
Greed an' corrupshun'll git a surprise 
When another Abe Linkin's elected. 

When Uncle Hank finished reading his poem he was 
warmly congratulated by the party, foremost among whom 
was the guide, who exclaimed as he grasped the old man's 
hand, "There's a deal of truth in your lines. I wish I had 
vou with me every day to arouse the enthusiasm of my 
parties when I show 'em statues of patriots." 

80 




STEPHEN BENTON ELKINS, Senator 
from West Virginia, is an astute lawyer 
who has studied Coke and Blackstone so 
asaiduouoly that he has naturaly drifted 
into coal mining. A broad-gauged 
statesman who is noted for his broad 
smile, which extends from one end of 
the Senate Chamber to the other. Ex- 
Territorial Attorney General, Ex-U. S. 
District Attorney, Ex-Congressman and 
Ex-Secretary of War.— Now wants to 
ann-?x Cuba. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 








S-DA. 



"Wall, ye see, et jest comes natchrel tew me tew drop 
intew poetry when I run agin a statoo ov old Abe, thet 
great, long-legged, awkward, homely old rail-splitter. 
Thet simple, sincere patriot thet riz out cv th' ground an' 
towered above his contemperaries until his head reached 
above th' clouds ov darkness thet enveloped th' counery 
durin' aour civil strife — I tell ye they can't put old Abe on 
tew high a pedestal tew suit yer Uncle Hank." 

The party now proceeded to view the attractions of Stat- 
uary Hall. 

Passing through the southern door and a circular vesti- 
bule, they emerged into a semi-circular hall, the group stood 
in the center of this chamber and the guide resumed his 
technical description : 

"This was formerly the Hall of Representatives of the 
original Capitol," he explained. "The House of Repre- 
sentatives used this hall from 1808 until 1814 and then 
from 1817 to 1857. Here Clay, Webster, Adams, Calhoun, 
Randolph, Cass, Corwin, Wise and Weight won reputa- 
tion for statesmanship and made the walls echo with 
eloquence." 

Then pointing to a star set in the tiled floor he continued : 
"There Ex-President John Ouincy Adams, then a Repre- 
sentative for ]\Iassachusetts, was prostrated at his desk on 
February 21, 1848, by paralysis, resulting in his death two 
days later." 

"He died in plain harness — th' harness ov a representa- 
tive," commented Uncle Hank. "Th' Commander-in-Chief 

82 




SENATOR JOHN PERCIVAL JONES and SENATOR WILLIAM MORRIS SIEWART. of 
Nevada, are bound with a common bond— a silver bond. Senator Jones has lately found 
a new solace in life— his declining years being sweetened by the sugar beet. Senator 
btewart, believing in the old axiom that "Speech is Silver," and being an ardent 
s;lvente, is a frequent speaker. 

83 





^rrj. /)y^.^J^^'**^t^y\.c 



jM.Y. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

took his place in th' ranks tew keep up th' fight fer his coun- 
try. Not a bad idee fer some ov aour ex-Presidents tew fol- 
low naowdays." 

The guides about the Capitol have a sing-song way of 
describing the interesting features to be seen, suggesting 
very strongly the idea that they have committed to memory 
the long rigmarole they recite to their parties of sight- 
seers ; and this guide was no exception to his class. 

"In 1864 Congress invited each State," he continued, "to 
send marble or bronze statues of two of her most illustrious 
sons for permanent preservation." 

Then followed a detailed description of the statues that 
surrounded the chamber. This afforded Uncle Hank an 
excellent opportunity to ventilate his unique views of the 
various "works of art" as they appealed to his matter-of- 
fact mind. 

"Dan'el Webster," he exclaimed, "looks ez ef he'd slept 
in his clothes a week afore he waz sculpted. I hain't much 
ov a jedge ov art, but et seems tew me thet when a sculpter 
undertakes tew sculpt a figger he hed ought tew make th' 
clothes fit. Naow them pants thet Dan'el Webstei's got 
on, looks ez ef they waz made fer a heap sight bigger man. 
An' thet figger ov Senitor Kenna hez a head thet looks ez 
ef th' Senitor hed bin on a lark th' night afore he waz 
sculpted — th' head looks so swelled up." 

"You don't seem to be much impressed by some of these 
great men who look down upon you from their pedestals," 
remarked the guide. 

84 




3ENAT0R JOHN C. SPOONER, of Wisconsin, the "Badger State," Is never so happy as when 
badgering Senator Tillman and his associates on the Democratic side of the Senate Cham- 
ber. The habitual frown he wears upon his classic features is only "make believe," as 
he is personally considered very good-natured. 

85 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




;^A»*t^ Hi^^-"-- 



I'WA 




"Wall, et hain't th' great men I find fault with — et's th' 
counterfeit representashuns thet I object tew — an' they air 
counterfeits, tew. Naow thet statoo ov Tom Benton looks 
ez ef he waz jest abaout tew walk off his base. An' thar's 
pore George Washin'ton jest back ov him — he looks like 
a high private in th' rear rank," and Uncle Hank pointed 
his finger at the beautiful Houdon statue of Washington, 
which, by being badly placed among larger figures, lost 
much of its impressive beauty. 

''Well, Uncle, what do you think of that figure of Ethan 
Allen?" inquired one of the party from Vermont, who en- 
joyed the old man's comments more than he did the guide's 
rendition of dry description. 

"Ethan Allen's all right, but — don't ye see Roger Sher- 
man an' old Jonathan Trumbull ez p'intin' th' finger ov scorn 
et him." As he made this observation his features relaxed 
into a broad grin at the sight of the two statues apparently 
lecturing one of their fellows. 

"Xaow, right here, I'd like tew make a suggestion tew 
Uncle Sam tew remove them statoos tew some graveyard 
whar they belong an' turn this place intew a real Chamber 
ov Horrors." 

"Well, what do you suggest. Uncle?" inquired the guide, 
with some curiosity to know what the old man had to 
propose. 

"Ye see, this monimcnt idee ez a good one. When a 
man spends his hull life doin' good fer his feller-man, et'z 
right an' proper tew put up a moniment tew him tew 

86 




THE HONORABLE MICHAEL HEXRY HERBERT, British Ambassador to America, is par- 
ticularly well equipped for his mission, having a bright American wife and a level head. 
This latter quality is said to be largely due to the fact that he parts his hair in the raiddls, 

87 




^r^^-^r^W^ifVuJ/ytc^ 




NY 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

inspire th' young an' ambishus tew do likewise an' git ther 
reward fer virtue, an' so forth. Wall, we hain't got no 
place whar we kin put up statoos tew remember th' 
national villains thet ought tew be held up ez horrible ex- 
amples tew all. We should hev a great Chamber ov Hor- 
rors containin' statoos ov all th' national scamps from Bene- 
dict Arnold daown tew th' fellers thet steal railroads an' 
organize combines in food, ez well ez th' corrupt politicians 
thet rob th' people !" and the old man looked around into the 
faces of the surrounding party to see how they liked his 
suggestion. 

"Your idea is a good one," observed the man from 
Vermont. "Perhaps some of these big scoundrels that the 
country is infested with would give up their nefarious 
practices if they realized that examination of their deeds 
after death by an unbribable jury would condemn them 
to a resting place in a National Chamber of Horrors !" 

"Thar's ghosts in this chamber ! Don't ye hear them 

statoos speakin'?" exclaimed Uncle Hank, turning around 
with an inquiring look at the party. 

"That's the echo," explained the guide. "Now, if you 
will step over to the base of that statue of Benton and 
turn your back to the party, every word spoken can be 
heard distinctly, although only uttered in a low voice." 
And placing his hand on Uncle Hank's arm designated the 
spot on which he was to stand to try the experiment. 

"Naow keep yer ears open fer th' ekko," dryly remarked 



88 




TRYING THE ECHO IN STATUARY HALL. UNCLE HANK— "WILL YE HEV A HIGH BALL?' 

89 




'^^^<A^'^^^^■<- 



Nd 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

the old man, winking his eye as he strode over to the 
designated spot to try the effect of his voice. 

"Kin ye hear me over thar?" he exclaimed as he turned 
around to note the effect. Affirmative nods encouraged 
him to proceed. Then, dropping his voice to a stage whis- 
per, he inquired, "Will ye hev a high ball?" A shout of 
laughter assured him that the experiment was a decided 
success. When he returned to the party the Vermonter 
remarked that, but for the fact that they were all total 
abstainers, that last question would have cost him dearly. 

'AVall, temperance er no temperance, et's astonishin' 
haow fer a' invitashun tew hev a drink kin be heard," dryly 
retorted the old man. 

Some of the party now wished to ascend the dome and 
Uncle Hank concluded to accompany them, as he found their 
company congenial and they in turn were highly appreciative 
of the old man's wit. 



90 



AROUND THE CAPiTAi^. 



CHAPTER Vni. 



THE DOME. 



€ LIMBING to the top of the Capitol dome is a most 
elevating pastime — in fact, it is three hundred and 
seventy-six times as elevating as is standing on the 
ground-floor and undertaking to view its beauties 
with the aid of an opera-glass and a rubber neck. 

It is no small achievement to climb those three hundred 
and seventy-six steps and many are the incjuiries for the 
elevator from the numerous visitors who daily throng the 
Capitol. As yet the only elevator available is the one fa- 
miliarly known as "Shank's Mare." 

But the sight wnthin the great dome, with its wonderful 
skeleton of iron rising tier upon tier ; its great encircling ribs 
supporting upwards of four thousand tons of metal, resem- 
bling a huge inverted basket of iron, is well worth the 
exertion. 

"I never see sech a mass ov iron en all my born days !" 
exclaimed Uncle Hank, as he stopped about half way up 
to the top to get his breath. "Thar must hev bin a Steel 
Trust en them days, tew." And he stroked his whiskers 
meditatively as he contemplated the huge structure. 

After resting awhile the party of sight-seers, led by Uncle 

91 




»t Jrto. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




p**^ n.c. 
III. 




PA 



Hank, continued to climb until they reached the gallery at the 
top where their eyes were greeted with the most exquisite 
panorama conceivable. The beautiful public buildings of the 
city were readily recognized notwithstanding the great height 
at which the onlookers were placed. Stretching away to the 
north could be discerned in the distance Arlington Heights, 
with its multitude of monuments glittering white in the sun- 
light, while the winding Potomac river made an effective 
background for the tall, majestic Washington monument, to 
the right of which stood an imposing group of buildings — 
the White House, the Treasury building, the Army and 
Navy building and the Corcoran Art Gallery. 

"Thar's Pennsylvanny Avenoo leadin' tew th' White 
Haouse !"' exclaimed Uncle Hank, pointing his finger at the 
well-known thoroughfare. "Til tell Kernel Bryan abaout 
et th' next time I see him." 

"He's not the only one looking for an avenue to the White 
House," replied a member of the party. 

"An' thet's not th' only road tew et — Roosevelt got thar by 
way ov San Joo-an Hill," retorted the Yankee farmer. 

After making a tour of the gallery, from which they got 
an excellent view of the city, the party turned its attention to 
the beautiful Congressional Library building, which ap- 
peared to lie at their feet. 

This naturally led to the query as to the reason for building 
the Capitol with its face to the east. Uncle Hank volun- 
teered the desired information. Said he: 

"Et waz a case ov 'Biter got bitten.' Th' speculators 

92 




THAR'S PENNSYLVANNY AVENOO LEADIN' TEW TH' WHITE HOUSE! I'LL TELL KERNEL 
BRYAN ABAOUT ET TH' NEX' TIME I SEE HIM." 

93 








7h 't, rfjayt'^^.^VlC 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

bought up all th' land tew th' east when they thought th' 
city waz goin' tew grow an' when th' builders ov th" Cap- 
itol faced th' buildin' thet way they jest rigged up a com- 
bine an' put th' prices ov real estate so tarnal high thet people 
jest bed tew buy en th' rear when they wanted tew build. 
So it soon got tew be th' fashion tew build in th' west, an' 
th' speculators got left, ez they usually dew when they git so 
all-fired greedy an' overreach themselves." 

"Is it true, Uncle, that George Washington was interested 
in one of those land syndicates ?" inquired the Vermonter. 

"Thet's what th' report sez, an' I reckon et's true, fer 
George bed a repootation ov bein' somewhat ov an* "ristocrat, 
an' waz let in on th' ground floor ov all th' good things 
goin' them days," replied Uncle Hank, elevating his eye- 
brows in a manner that implied more than his words ex- 
pressed. 

"Why, you don't mean to say that the Father of His Coun- 
try was ever engaged in any dishonest scheme?'' demanded 
the man from Vermont, indignant at the idea of any dis- 
honest imputation being directed at the Immortal George. 

"I didn't say so," promptly responded Uncle Hank. "I 
hain't castin' no reflections on G. W., who bed sense enuf 
tew see thar waz nothin' incompatibel with bein' a patriot 
an' a bizness man et th' same time. George Washin'ton waz 
no demagogue." 

It was now proposed by a young lady in the party that 
they visit the inside gallery to view the Brumidi frescoes. 
Uncle Hank saw at a glance that she was a young bride, for 

94 



JLL. 




SENATOR MARCUS ALONZO HANNA. known as the American Warwick, who Is seeking to 
turn his talents to his own benefit. A stanch friend of labor-so it is said. UP"" b;'°K 
shown a list of possible Republican candidates for the next Presidency, and asked to 
designate the most likely choice of the party, without hesitation proceeded to mark 
Hanna. 

95 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




'• K'^-^j^t**^ n 



va. 




■^■HfKOCji-f* 



never once did she release the arm of the shy young man who 
was constantly at her side, and true to his jovial nature he 
mentally resolved to have some fun at her expense. He had 
been told of the wonderful acoustic properties of this gallery 
by his nephew. Although sixty-five feet across, two per- 
sons standing on opposite sides may distinctly hear one an- 
other speaking in whispers. The old man so arranged mat- 
ters that the young couple was left on one side of the gallery 
while he deftly led the rest of the party to view a section of 
the fresco on the other. Enjoining silence by letting them 
into the ^^ecret, they were soon amused by distinctly hearing 
the endearing terms addressed to one another by the unsus- 
pecting pair opposite. 

"Do you still love me ?" came over in a tremulous female 
voice. 

"Can you doubt me ?" in a deep baritone. 

"If I should fall over here to the pavement below, what 
would you do?" 

"If you fell over a dozen times I'd follow you, dearie," 
replied the man's voice in the reckless manner usual to 
those deep in love. 

This was too much for Uncle Hank, who exclaimed in a 
loud voice : 

"Thar's only one way tew fall thet distance mor'n once — 
thet's with th' aid ov a par-a-shoot." 

This let loose the suppressed merriment under which the 
party was laboring, and the burst of laughter that followed 



9C 




SENATOR WM. B. BATE of Tennessee. A warrior bold of long standing: having served 
as a private soldier all through the Mexican War. This, however, did not a-bate his 
martial spirit, for he entered the Confederate Army as private and emerged as Major 
General. Owing to throe dangerous wounds he is never seen without his cane; of which 
the pages are in no dread, as he is very popular with them. 



97 








r\ ric. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

caused the youthful couple to blush in the most violent 
fashion. 

Uncle Hank now directed his attention to the frescoes on 
the canopy above. Pointing his finger at the central group 
in the painting which depicts George Washington seated on 
a rainbow with Liberty on one side and Peace on the other, 
.surrounded by thirteen more or less beautiful maidens, rep- 
resenting the thirteen original States, he said : 

"Jest look et th' angelic caountenances ov them figgers 
representin' th' States — ye wouldn't think thet they could 
hev hed sech a hair pullin' match in 1861," and the old man 
nudged the Vermonter to emphasize his remark. 

A member of the Capitol police force is stationed in this 
gallery, presumably to prevent visitors from walking ofif 
with the dome, piecemeal. Tourists in Washington, being 
no dififerent from those in other places, have a strong pen- 
chant for carrying ofif anything that is not fastened down. 

This policeman's business being to watch visitors, pursued 
his avocation with assiduity, keeping his eye on the Yankee 
farmer as if apprehensive of damage to the frescoes from the 
bulky umbrella which he continually poked at the painting 
while elucidating some vague meaning hidden therein. But 
the Yankee ignored the scrutiny, if he noticed it. Ap- 
proaching the officer he inquired in the blandest tone : 

"Ez thet Columby with th' sword in her hand chasin' 
Filipinos?" 

The policeman at first did not see the humor of the ques- 
tion and was inclined to resent the fancied affront to his 

98 




SENATOR MATTHEW STANLEY QUAY, 
the Czar of Pennsylvania, who rules by 
a divine right which has never been 
questioned by anyone but John Wana- 
maker of Philadelphia. Is the only man 
in the Keystone State who does not trade 
at "Wanamakers." It is rumored, and 
generally believed, that the Senator car- 
ries the destinies of the State of Pennsyl- 
vania concealed in his coat-tail pocket. 

L.cFC. 



09 




nu'-. RUTH nAsoN 

,il6HT£» Of S,EN.r^AiOM 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

dignity, but the laughter of the crowd reassured him and he 
joined in the merriment, and furthermore, being a good- 
natured sort of policeman, he volunteered a lot of infor- 
mation respecting the allegorical representations. 

"This canopy," said he, "is sixty-five feet in diameter and 
was painted by Constantino Brumidi, an Italian artist, who 
spent several years in painting the fresco. It cost Uncle 
Sam fifty thousand dollars. It is entitled 'The Apotheosis 
of Washington.' " 

"Ye say et cost fifty thousand dollars?" inquired Uncle 
Hank. "Purty high !" 

"Yes — it is — one hundred and eighty feet above the ro- 
tunda floor," replied the officer, with a knowing wink. He 
had evened up with the witty Yankee. 

After inspecting the painting a little more in detail, the 
party concluded to descend to the rotunda floor again in 
search of further adventure. 



100 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER IX. 

AN ADVENTURE IN THE SUPREME COURT. 

CHE Supreme Court of the United States is probably 
the most dignified body in the world — at least that 
is the impression made upon nine out of ten who 
visit its august abiding place in the Capitol. 
If there is any one place in this Republic where a sem- 
blance of royalty is maintained, it is within the chamber de- 
voted to the deliberations of that very eminent body of 
jurists. 

To look upon that row of dignified legal luminaries for 
the first time and not become awe-stricken is simply incon- 
ceivable. 

Gowned in sombre robes, each and every face wearing an 
habitual frown, never for a moment relaxing to a smile; 
taking a most serious view of every phase of life ; guarding 
with the utmost vigilance every prerogative tending to up- 
hold their dignity; the very air of this Chamber seems sur- 
charged with oppressiveness, making one feel as though 
convicted of some very serious crime and awaiting some 
awful sentence in expiation thereof. 

This was the feeling that possessed Uncle Hank the first 
time he stumbled into the Chamber, Probably his experi- 

101 




)ec.of Asr-.cJtor^ 




^Vt. 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

ence can best be told in his own words, as he afterward 
related it to his nephew. 

"Wall, ye see," said he, "ez I waz comin' 'long th' cor- 
ridor I happened tew look up an' then I see a sign over a 
door thet made me stand stock still. Crackee ! sez I, after 
readin' th' enscription — Th' Soup-reme Court — so I jest 
slowly pushed open th' swingin' doors an' cautiously peeked 
in, an' Great Hickory ! thar sot th' hull Soup-reme Court ov 
th' U-nited Staits en ther gowns, lookin' ez solemn ez owls, 
an' th' Chamber waz empty with th' excepshun ov a long, 
lean, hungry lookin' lawyer who was 'leckturin' 'em on some 
p'int ov law. An' they looked ez ef they waz bein' 'leck- 
tured, tew, fur they never said a word back. 

"So I pushed my way in ez quiet ez I could, but my tarnal 
boots creaked so thet th' lawyer turned 'raound tew see who 
waz creatin' all th' disturbance, an' this made me more keer- 
ful than ever, an' in my anxiety tew git tew a seat without 
bein' discovered, I stumbled over a low step I didn't see, an' 
went ker-sprawlin' over th' floor, my umbrelly flew out ov 
my hand, my bag rolled under th' seat an' my hat landed on 
tother side ov th' rale. Wall, I jest lay thar a mmnit, I waz 
thet 'fraid tew git up. Vishuns ov sentences ov death an' 
th' like cum before me — I waz clearly en contempt ov court 
— an' th' Soup-reme Court et thet. Bimeby I got up an' 
then — th' look thet Soup-reme Court giv' me I'll never fergit 
till my dyin' day. 

"The Court jest looked et me ez one man, with one eye. en 
thet one eye expressin' th' utmost contempt. I tell ye. et 

103 




JUSTICE PECKHAM OVERWHELMS UNCLE HANK. 

103 




/fdJ^y^-^ci/l^lA.c.. 



ILL. 




HOOKE.R >^^- 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

made me feel thet small an' contemptibel thet I jest sot thar 
an' meditated an' meditated, thinkin' haow thankful I had 
ought tew feel thet I wazn't hauled up before them j edges 
an' git sentenced fer life fer contempt ov court. 

"After a bit my ixcitement died out an' I begin tew size 
up th' jedges. En th' fust place I noticed they looked well 
fed — th' self-satisfied look on th' faces ov several ov th' fat 
ones waz good tew see ; but it looked like a sleepy job, settin' 
thar listenin' tew sleepy lawyers — probably thet's why they 
alius wear them black night-gownds. 

"But thar's one thing, Harry, I like abaout thet Soup- 
reme Court." 

"What's that, Uncle?" cried his nephew, who had just 
got over an immoderate fit of laughter at the ludicrous ad- 
venture of his uncle. 

"When they go intew 'Xecutive Session they retire tew a 
little room an' don't order everybody aout ov ther Chamber 
ez th' Senit does," replied the old man as he thoughtfully 
stroked his white whiskers. 

"Uncle, you'll find the Supreme Court a remarkable body, 
if you take the trouble to investigate," remarked Harry, 
whose newspaper training had made him remarkably well 
informed about the Capitol. 

"Thar waz one thing I couldn't find, Harry." exclaimed 
the old man, "an' I looked high an' low fer et." 

"What was that, Uncle?" 

"Thet bench I've hearn tell so tarnal much abaout; I 



]04 




SENATOR ALBERT JEREMIAH BEVERIDGE, of Indiana, wears the toga with all the grace 
of a Roman senator. Having personally visited the Philippine Islands, he is recog- 
nised authority on matters affecting the Filipinos. Has a line war record, having defeated 
the Texan Fire Eater, Joe Bailey, In a desperate encounter without removing his cigar 
from his mouth. 

105 








AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

couldn't see et nowhar, though I looked all over th' Chamber 
fer et." 

"Oh, you mean th 'Supreme Bench!'" laughed Harry. 
"That is merely a colloquialism — the bench now in use is a i 
row of large, well cushioned chairs. As I said before, the 
Supreme Court of the United States is invested with remark- 
able power. In no other country is there a Court that can 
set aside a law of the land. Congress may pass a law and 
the President may sign it, but it is null and void if the 
Supreme Court holds that the law is not in accordance with 
the Constitution." 

"Wall, I never thought ov thet, Harry ; th'ar some pump- 
kins arter all, be'ant they?" 

'"Every litigant," continued Harry, "no matter what his 
station in life may be, has the opinion of every one of the 
judges upon his case. After hearing the arguments each 
judge studies it individually and all discuss it together on 
conference day. The Chief Justice assigns to his associates 
the cases in which they are to write opinions and every Sat- 
urday night his special messenger visits the residences of his 
associate justices, delivering sealed envelopes containing the 
list of cases allotted to each. I merely relate this to yon. 
Uncle, to show you that their positions are far from 
being sinecures." 

"Who's th' small man thet sot in th' middle, Harry?" 

"That is Chief Justice Melville W. Fuller, who was ap- 
pointed by President Cleveland. He was a prominent mem- 
ber of the Chicago bar, and, it is said, gave up an income of 

106 




SENATOR JOHN H. MITCHELL of Oregon 
noted for his luxuriant whiskers which 
"Old Boreas" never tires of agitating. 
A little child in the Senate gallery one 
day asked its mother why the senator 
did not wear his whiskers on top of his 
head. This led to the discovery that he 
■was quite bald. 



107 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^^ )^^/>**^^M.C 




J % 



o^^'O^ M.C. 



forty thousand dollars a year to take a position with a salary 
of about one-fourth that amount." 

"But four times th' honor, Harry." 

"The seat on the right of the Chief Justice is always occu- 
pied by the Associate Justice longest in service, that on the 
left by the next in the order of seniority, and so on from right 
to left; thus you will always find the last appointed judges 
at the extreme ends of the bench — so called." 

"Mebbe thet's th' reason they adopted large arm-chairs en 
place ov a bench — so thet th' newcomers couldn't git pushed 
off. By the way, Harry, who's got th' right hand seat 
naow ?" 

"Justice John Marshall Harlan of Kentucky occupies that 
post of honor now. He is as fine a type of manhood as ever 
the blue grass State produced. During the Civil War he 
took a fearless stand for the Union cause at a time when 
patriotism counted for something in a State that wavered in 
its allegiance." 

"He is wonderfully eloquent. His vehement protest 
against the decision of the Court in the income tax cases 
several years ago are still fresh in the minds of those who 
were so fortunate as to hear it delivered." 

"I'm beginnin' tew git mighty interested en them jedges. 
Who was that jedge on th' left end?'' 

"The judge you refer to is Justice Oliver Wendell 
Holmes, who has just been appointed to the bench by 
President Roosevelt to succeed Justice Gray. He is 
noted as a perfect walking legal encyclopedia, a perfect 

108 




SENATOR STEWART, OF NEVADA, RISES TO ADDRESS THE SENATE, 
109 





A/^'^^^An^jJ^ 



NEB. 



MX. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

storehouse of legal information. But I am afraid I would 
tire you if I undertook to relate all the remarkable features 
of this mine of legal intellectuality." 

"Harry, ye can't tire aout a Yankee by givin' him informa- 
shun — ye know we Yanks ez noted fer aour inquisitiveness. 
Ef ye've got any more facts abaout thet Soup-reme Court, 
let's hev 'em." And the old man slapped Harry on the 
back in a way to express his satisfaction. 

"There is something of a distinguishing character to be 
said of every member of the Court," continued Harry. 
"Justice Shiras is also a 'six footer.' In repose his face is 
grave and sedate, but it masks a wit keen and original. His 
father was a cousin of James G. Blaine. Justice Edward D. 
White is a Roman Catholic, as is also Justice Joseph Mc- 
Kenna. If you should meet Justice Brown at a dinner you 
would wonder what his profession might be ; you would 
certainly never discover it from his conversation, so thor- 
oughly does he abjure 'talk of the shop.' He has the happy 
faculty of throwing aside business when business is done. 
Justice Brewer, one of the ablest men on the bench, is a 
nephew to those four famous brothers — David Dudley Field, 
Cyrus Field, Rev. Henry M. Field and Justice Stephen J. 
Field, and at one time a spectacle was witnessed that h?d 
never happened before — an uncle and nephew sat on the 
bench of the highest court in the land." 

"Blood will tell," thoughtfully soliloquized the old man. 



110 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER X. 



THE HUMOROUS SIDE OF THE CAPITOL. 



CHEY had just been married. You could see it in 
their every action. Her fond, Hmpid eyes never 
left his as she affectionately clung to his arm, and 
his tender gaze into her beautiful orbs told of an 
unutterable love that could never die. They had just been 
wedded — there was no mistaking it. The merest tyro in 
affairs of the heart could have seen it at a glance. 

Wandering aimlessly through the beautiful park surround- 
ing the Capitol, they were so engrossed in each other that 
they were perfectly oblivious of the attention they attracted 
from passers-by. 

If there had been no other indication, the bride s beautiful 
lavender costume would have told the story. (Why do 
brides always affect lavender tints in bridal tour costumes?) 
The Government clerks were just returning to their 
homes in droves, and as they passed this couple, they would 
squeeze each other's arms, and giggle — that is, if they hap- 
pened to be of the fair sex. There is a wondrous fellow 
feeling among womankind for a bride — all the world loves 
a lover — and all the daughters of Eve love a bride. 

Washington surpasses Niagara Falls in its power to attract 

111 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 





C-Coof^es-*^ 



the newly-wedded, for at least half of the bridal parties 
of the land make the beautiful National Capital the objective 
point of their long cherished and eagerly looked forward 
to tours. 

And this couple was no different from the average bride 
and groom. They always imagine that being miles from 
home they are free from observation, and that their lan- 
guishing looks, encircling arms and other manifestations 
of undying love are free from the gaze of that part of the 
world which is cold and unappreciative. 

The Park was radiant in its spring-like beauty. The 
birds were singing tunefully, and the air was fragrant with 
the delicate perfume of the blossoms that come only with the 
awakening of spring — in fact, it was perfect "bridal tour 
weather." 

And the bride was happy — probably happier than she will 
ever be again — for she did not know (poor, confiding girl) 
that over in that low, brick building — just discernible 
through the trees, called the Census Building — there are 
cruel statistics that show that Dakota and Oklahoma di- 
vorce courts play havoc with love's young dream now-a- 
days. 

"Does oo lub oo wifey?" cooed the innocent young wife 
for the eleven hundred and sixty-seventh time. 

"Ess me do, sweety," replied her mate for the eight 
hundred and forty-third time. 

This apparent discrepancy in regard to the small number 
of answers received, is due to the fact that the other three 

113 




CHAUNCEY MITCHELL DEPEW, New York's junior Senator, is an acknowledged wit. 
His most famous witticism was the joke he playtd on Cupid In getting married when 
it was supposed he had passed the marriageable age. When he tackies Senator Nelson 
W. Aldrich o£ Rhode Island, however, his witticisms fall on unsympathetic ears, for the 
New England Senator is usually too deeply immersed in statecraft to indulge in humor. 

113 




Mc 




^•'^■f^lCKEY.rA.C-l''^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

hundred and twenty-four times the answer was an im- 
passioned kiss. 

This had been going on for some time, when an old 
gentleman with a particularly kindly-looking countenance 
came down the walk towards them wath an easy stride that 
seemed to indicate that the individual was on good terms 
with himself and all the world as well. 

The reader will hardly fail to recognize in this descrip- 
tion the ubiquitous Uncle Hank Slocum, who was on his 
way to the Capitol to spend another day among the law- 
makers and legislators. 

As he approached the couple the bride whispered timidly 
to her newly acquired husband : 

"Dearie — ask him ?" 

The old gentleman observing the trepidation of the pair, 
politely asked if he could be of service to them? 

"Well, you see," explained the bride (the bridegroom 
was far too shy to ask questions so far away from home) 
"we're total strangers here in Washington " 

"An' ye want tew be directed?" replied Uncle Hank, 
taking in the situation at a glance. 

"Yes, that's it " answered the young wife, looking 

up into his face with her fawn-like eyes. 

"Any perticular place ye want tew go tew?" further in- 
quired he. 

"We thought, judging by your looks, you might be a 
member of the Government, and as such might direct 
us to the sights to be seen.'' 

114 




SENATOR CLARENCE DON CLARK, of Wyoming, is a strenuous advocate of the "Water 
Cure" for the arid regions of the great west, having spent the best years of his term in 
the Senate in making the opponents of his Irrigation Bill talie water. 



115 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




y. U. liuA^I^^ 



OHIO ''^ 




aWTlCE RUFUSW>E.CMMAM. 



When this Httle speech was deHvered, the bride shrank 
close to her husband's side and blushed like an American 
Beauty rose after a June shower. 

"Wall, I hain't bin hyar long, myself, but I reckon I 
kin show ye whar tew go," explained Uncle Hank, smiling 
at the thought of being taken for a member of the Govern- 
ment. 

"Ye go right along this walk," continued he, "till ye 
cum' tew th' bridal path — them ye follow et up till ye git 
tew th' Capitol ; go up th' steps till ye meet th' Dominie, 
an' he'll show you th' Dome — then when ye cum' daown, 
jest ask any ov th' guards tew show ye th' Soup-reme 
Courtin' Chamber — an ef ye want tew spoon, jest ask Sen- 
itor Spooner tew show ye th' Congreshnal restyrant fer 

spoons " 

But he never finished. With a haughty stamp of her 
little foot on the asphalt, the little bride dragged her husband 
away. While he, seeing through the joke at once, took 
it good-naturedly, regarding Uncle Hank in the same light 
as he would his father, had he perpetrated such a witticism. 
A broad grin suffused the old gentleman's countenance 
that never left it until he reached the Capitol steps. He 
was still chuckling to himself when his arm was lightly 
touched from behind, and looking around he beheld his 
nephew, Harry Slocum, standing at his elbow, 

"Harry, ye're jest th' lad I want tew see. I had an experi- 
ence en th' Senit yisterday arternoon, an' I want tew tell 
ye ov et." 

116 




When SENATOR JOSEPH SIMON of Oregon and ADDISON G. FOSTER of Washington shake 
hands In the Senate Chamber, the event is one of more than ordinary significance, as they 
have come almost four thousand miles to do so. The Washington Senator is known as 
an ardent Republican, having lent his best energies to foster the party in his State, 
while his senatorial neighbor from Oregon is equally well-known as the Simon pure 
article of Republicanism. 

117 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




O^.rKARMOND. n c 







N.H 



"Well, go ahead, Uncle," encouraged his nephew, always 
ready to listen to his elder relative's adventures, on account 
of their entertaining qualities. 

"Ye see, Harry, I wuz tired ov trampin' "raound th' 
Capitol yisterday. an' thinkin' tew rest up a leetle, I jest 
dropped intew th' Senit gallery tew watch th' perceedin's a 
bit. Ez soon ez I sot daown I begin tew feel drowsy an' 
sleepy like. One of the Senitors waz a-dronin' aout a 
long peramble abaout th' legal aspict ov th' Cubean Sugar 
Skedule, er somethin' like et. But et didn't interest me 
no-how. En fact, I jest felt ez ef I'd go tew sleep right 
then an' thar. 

"Ez I remember et naow, I sot a long time, en shortly 
r.fter I faound myself talkin' tew Senitor Frye en th' corridor. 
He waz glad tew see me, an' invited me intew th' Chamber 
tew see haow he conducted perceedin's. 

"Senitor Kean, ov New Jersey, waz occupyin' th' chair, ez 
thar waz nothin' doin' en th' Chamber. When he seed 
us comin' he vacated th' chair an' Senitor Frye invited me 
tew set 'longside ov him. Sez he, 'Things ez quiet naow, 
l:)ut sometimes et keeps me jumpin' tew keep 'em en order, 
specially wdien Tillman gits goin'.' 

" 'Seems tew me thet gavel hammer ov yourn ez tew 
small,' sez I. 'Naow, ef I was presidin' over this Chamber 
I'd hev one ez big ez a sledge hammer, an' ef they didn't 
behave I'd sling et et th' obstreprus breakers ov th' peace.' 

"He laffed, an' sed 'I waz tew strenuous for th' dignified 
position ov President ov th' Senit.' 

118 



'^2S«Assff<:JS:^1««s^^:»bsa'«. 





i 

I 



i 



SENATOR JOHN KEAN of New Jersey is considered one of its most eminent citizens, being 
known to every man, woman, child and mosquito in tlie State. In tlie Senate Cliamber 
is looked upon as baing the po'.itest member; being on good terms with everybody, includ- 
ing John Kean. 



119 




fi.A.NA<iAM 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Jest then th' sharp voice ov Senitor Tillman broke th' 
silence ov th' chamber. Th' member frum South Carliny 
wanted tew know some particulars which th' Senitor frum 
Wisconsin — (Senitor Spooner) refoosed tew giv' him. 

"When all ov a suddin up jumps Senitor Gallinger, th' 
shiny-bald-headed Senitor frum Noo Hamsher. He com- 
menced sassin' th' Senitors all abaout him. Sed Senitor 
Clay, from Georgy, thought he waz another Henry Clay — > 
but he wasn't — his name waz mud. An' th' Senitor frum 
North Dakoty waz a Socialist an' a Munisipel ownership 
crank. This ixcited th' other members, an' they jumped 
tew ther feet all over th' Chamber, wavin' ther hands et 
th' persidin' officer, who refoosed tew let 'em speak, but 
kep' rappin' fer order, an' soon he began tew git ixcited an' 
seizin' my umbrelly begin tew hammer his desk with et 
tew git order — an' en a few minutes my umbrelly waz a 
reck. But he jest kep' hammerin' till ther wasn't nothin' 
but th' ribs ov thet old umbrelly left. An' then they quieted 
daown a bit — but only fer a minnit — fer Senitor Lodge 
sneered thet th' Senitor frum Georgy (meanm' Senitor 
Bacon) waz ez bald ov facts ez his bed waz ov hair. 

"I soon see frum this thet they waz goin' tew be trouble, 
fer th' Southerners got ther beds together an' soon they 
charged en a body acrost th' Chamber, an' seized th' sassiest 
of th' crowd 'raound th' Massachoosits Senitor. This was 
Senitor Beverage, th' young Hoosier, who had bin makin' 
tauntin' remarks tew Tillman an' Bailey. 

"So they jest pulled him up tew th' President's chair an' 

120 



Akitli 




SENATOR JACOB H. GALLINGER ot N. 
H., was an eminent physician before he 
entered the Senate which accounts for 
his adroitness in the management of 
"Bi'.ls." Is a shining light in the Sen- 
ate Chamber; his polish, however, is not 
all due to his shiny pate. 



121 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 








while Tillman an' Clay held his arms, Senitor Bacon pulled 
out a seltzer bottle from under his coat an' squirted th' 
water full intew his mouth, which waz wide open shoutin' 
imprecations at th' tormentin' craowd. 

"Senitor Teller waz hoppin' araound like a wild injun, 
shoutin' 'Give him th' W'ater Cure! — Give et tew him!' 

"Chansey Depew jumped atop ov his desk an' begin 
chafifin' some ov th' Senitors. 

" 'Quay,' sed he^ 'this reminds me ov a Pennsilvany con- 

venshun en Phillydelphy ' but he got no further, fer 

Quay throo a big book et him thet landed on his stummick 
an' he toppled over tew th' floor. 

"Mark Hanna jest then throo his cane et th' craowd thet 
waz tormentin' Beverage, but et missed them an' struck 
me plum on th' top ov my hed. an' then — I woke up. 

"Th' officer waz standin' en front ov me, tappin' me gently 
on th' hed with his cane. Sed he, 'Mister, wake up! Th' 
Senit ez goin' intew executiv' seshun, an' th' galleries hez 
got tew be cleared.' " 

The look of incredulity that overspread Harry's counte- 
nance, as his uncle related his remarkable adventure, disap- 
peared when he realized that it was all a dream, and he 
laughed until the tears came to his eyes. As imcle and 
nephew walked arm in arm down the corridor, a burst of 
laughter could be heard from time to time from the pair 
as the old man uttered some new witticism in the ear of 
his appreciative nephew. 



122 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XI. 



A TALK WITH UNCLE SAM. 



BE was the cartoonist's Uncle Sam. There was no 
mistaking that long lean figure encased in hlue 
swallow-tail coat and red and white striped trous- 
ers, and that keen, intelligent face framed in white 
locks, which fell in a luxuriant mass to the neck, partly 
concealing a high standing collar of a long out-of-date style. 
Uncle Hank recognized him at once, and, as was his 
wont, proceeded to get on intimate terms with him. As 
could be seen by the flags flying on both wmgs of the 
Capitol, Congress was in session. 

"I see yer Law Factory ez en full blast," ventured Uncle 
Hank, by way of introduction. 

"Yes. they are hard at work, but they work very slow — 
too many speeches, I guess," replied Uncle Sam. 

"Wall, I reckon they'd hev tew talk er they'd bust. A 
speech ez en eruption ov words, an' Congriss ez full ov 
volcanoes liable tew go intew eruptions any time." 

"I was just thinking that since I have added considerably 

to my farm. Congress will have to talk less and act with 

more promptness, or mv affairs will get into a tangle. Now. 

■ there is that interoceanic ditch — I want to go right to work 

123 




oi 0*.;.. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 





ARK. 



and dig it, but they have got into a snarl about it in 
Congress, and my hands are tied. And, by ginger! some- 
thing's got to be done about those Trusts ; they are getting 
ahogether too powerful — why, they're beginning to take 
on the airs of feudal barons," and he dove both hands deep 
into his trousers' pockets as he glared sternly at the dome 
of the Capitol. 

"Mebbe yer interests'd be better looked after ef th' Sen- 
itors waz elected by th' people instid ov th' legislatoors?" 
suggested Uncle Hank. 

'T'm not so sure of that. Political bosses can manage 
conventions as well as they can handle legislatures." 

"But th' convenshuns don't ellect," argued Uncle Hank. 
"Ef th' state legislatoors voted by th' secret ballot system, I 
reckon ye'd git a better brand of Senitors then ye naow 
git." 

"By ginger! that's a good idea!" exclaimed Uncle Sam. 
"That's the next reform Fll have to have instituted." 

"Haow d'ye like Teddy, yer new President?" inquired 
Uncle Hank. 

"He's honest, and means well, but — he doesn't seem to 
get along with my General, and Admiral." 

"Miles an' Dewey dew seem tew stick en his craw. I 
s'pose th' Root ov th' difficulty ez en th' War Department," 
replied Uncle Hank, with a grin. 

"He also seems to have the knack of getting the South- 
erners angry," observed Uncle Sam, not noticing the com- 
ment made by his companion. "First, it was by dining a 

124 




SENATOR JOHN T. MORGAN, of Alabama, is so popular at home that he was elected to the 
Senate by the combined vote of the Democrats, Republicans and Populists. Was a Briga- 
dier-General during the Civil War and noted for his fighting qualities, which he still re- 
tains; having repeatedly expressed his willingness to go to war with John Bull should the 
latter attempt to interfere in any way with his pet scheme— The Inter-Oceanic Canal. 

125 




Tim. M^^ 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

black man in the White House ; then he made a speech that 
fired them up again on the lynching question. If he don't 
look out, Mark Hanna will catch all those Southern delegates 
again." 

"An' Teddy wants another engagement," interposed 
Uncle Hank. 

"Theodore's got some good qualities," continued Uncle 
Sam. "He's a good fighter, and I need good fighters now. 
I have another San Juan Hill to storm — a fortified hill, with 
its artillery trained on my most valued mstitutions — Trust- 
Monopoly Hill, with its intrenchments of money bags, will 
be harder to subdue than a score of San Juans — and if 
Presideiit Roosevelt wishes to cover himself with laurel, 
he'll organize another troop of Rough Riders and lead 
them to victory that w'ill place his name far beyond the 
reach of scheniing politicians." 

"Wall," replied the old man, reflectively, "th' Spanish 
War'd be child's play tew thet — th' hardest fight en th' 
world ez th' fight again money." 

'T've never had occasion to fight it before." remarked 
Uncle Sam, as he thoughtfully stroked his long chin 
whiskers. 

"I wish ye luck en yer fight," replied Uncle Hank, "but 
ye'll find yer enemy intrenched en every Wall Street bank's 
vault, en yer most trusted jedges'll fly tew th' relief ov 
yer enemv when ve least ixpect et. An' ez fer Congress — 
thar's no tellin' what they'll do en sech a crisis." 

"I'll win the fight, as I have every other," cried Uncle 

126 




ADMIRAL GEORGE DEWEV. hero of Manila Bay. In honor thereof, was placed on top 
of Dewey Arch by the grateful American people. Allowed to remain there for a short time, 
when he was ruthlessly thrown down by the same people on being presented with a gift 
house with a string attached. 

127 




-^ z.wflf^oni^-^' 




/2^c:^=^^i^ .n.t. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

Sam, his voice ringing with determination. "And if Roose- 
velt is not equal to the occasion, there is always a man 
suitable for the emergency when there is a call for one." 

"A sort ov man ov destiny?" suggested the old man. 
"Wall, et'll take a strong man ov th' people tew keep th' 
Republic en th' right path, ef aour rich families keep on 
makin' alliances with Earls en Counts — they'll be w-antin* 
tew start th' breed on this side ov th' ocean arter a bit." 

"Then you think there's a likelifiood of establishing a 
line of nobihty in this country?" laughingly questioned 
Uncle Sam. 

"Walldorf Astor's heirs ez likely tew be ov th' nobility 
ef he keeps throwin' Ameriken dollars et th' foot ov th' 
British throne, en then th' Noo York rent-payers tew th' 
Astor estate'll be contributin' tew th' support ov th' nobility, 
won't they?" shrewdly inquired the old man. 

"Well, that is one phase of the question that is rather 
unpleasant to contemplate," replied Uncle Sam. 

"En ez th' Astors ez th' leaders ov th' four hundred th' 
rest'll want tew imitate 'em, en we'll soon hev th' Frince 
ov Standard He, en th' Earl ov Pig-iron, th' Duke ov To- 
baccy, th' Count ov Traction, en th' Sultan ov Sugar — witli 
a hull list of Knights ov th' Garters, Suspenders, en th' 
like." 

"And I suppose the whole lot will swear allegiance to 
the Field ^larshal of Industry?" laughingly suggested 
Uncle Sam, who did not take his companion seriously. 

"Wall, yer father. George Washington, told ye tew beware 

128 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

ov fiirrin intanglemints en alliances," retorted the old man. 

"I see you are a true blue American, with no liking for 
the gew-gaws and tinsel of royalty." 

"Et's en th' blood — patryotic Yankee blood — tliar's none 
ov et tiowin' en th' veins o\ Walled-oit Astor, I reckon." 
And the old man's jaws set firm, like the jaws of a steel 
trap. 

"Well, I like your sentiments, old man," responded Uncle 
Sam. "It was the likes of you that enabled me to win in 
my Revolutionary struggle." 

"But haow ye hev riz up sense them days ! — ye desarve 
a lot ov credit fer th' way ye treated Cuby. Ther isn't a 
nation en Europe thet would hev given Cuby her freedorn 
ef they'd hed her in ther power ez you hed her," and Uncle 
Hank looked admiringly at the figure in front of him. 

"And the Filipinos will get as good treatment as Cuba 
got, if they will only get sense enough to stop fighting, and 
come in under the Stars and Stripes." 

"Well, them Phillypines ez a good place fer ye tew 
stand en look intew thet open door ov Chiny, so's tew see 
what's goin' on inside," suggested Uncle Hank. 

"Yes, and I propose to keep both eyes wide open." re- 
torted Uncle Sam. "With Russia. England and Germany 
maneuvering for advantages in China there is likely to be 
some scrapping before long, and as I'm more of a business 
man than a brawler, it behooves me to keep my business eye 
glued to that open door." 



120 




/^^^^. 




"'^^^OHfi,nnc<-f^^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




U^^'^nP'*^'^!^ 



"Thet's right," replied Uncle Hank, "runnin" mills ez 
better'n standin" armies." 

"And my mills and factories are running on full time 
now ; the sun of prosperity is shining brightly all over the 
land," replied Uncle Sam, with evident satisfaction at the 
thought. 

''But somehaow or other th' sunlight don't seem tew 
shine any tew bright daown intew them coal mines," slyly 
observed Uncle Hank, as he elevated his eyebrows. 

"It does seem a pity that the men who dig and delve in 
the mines should be compelled to strike for fair compen- 
sation." 

"Et's human natur' fer them ez haz plenty tew oppress 
them ez haz nothin' — 




'Man's inhumanitv tew man 

He::: made eotiittless tlwiisan's inoiirnf 

sed a poet, who most likely bed jest heard ov a coal miners' 
strike when he rote them words." 

"Corporations are soulless," was Uncle Sam's only com- 
ment. 

"Wall, ye'll hev tew take th' manig'ment ov all publik 
franchises intew yer own ban's," said Uncle Hank. 

"Perhaps that is the only solution of the vexatious prob- 
lem," rei^lied he. 

"Yer Post Office ez maniged fer th' benefit ov th' people ; 
an' et's well managed, tew. Ef et waz run by a trust et 

130 




SENATOR NATHAN BAY SCOTT, of West Virginia, is chairman of the committee on Mines. 
Being a glass manufacturer, he can see right through the miner when he undertakes to 
strilve. In Wheeling, W. Va., where he resides he is known as "Great Scott!" 

131 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

would cost ten cents tew send a letter tew the Pacific Slope, 
an' th" trust'd be declaren' big dividen's ev'ry year. An' 
th' way ye run yer Departmints ez a credit tew yer bizness 
manig'ment. Who ever hearn tell ov a Secritery ov th' 
Treasury gittin' secretly rich off th' job, an' havin' folks 
askin" 'where he got it?' Er a Postmaster Gineral skedad- 
dlin' with th' money orders an' registered mail. No, Sir- 
ree ! Ef yer big cities waz run en th' same economikel 
way ez yer Departmints ez Noo York'd be Paradise an' 
Cheecargo an' Phillydelfy'd be half-way haouses tew 
heaven," and the old man raised his hand aloft to em- 
phasize his last remark. When he looked around his com- 
panion had vanished — had disappeared as completely as 
though swallowed up by the earth. And when he looked 
again at the Capitol, the flags were down and he found 
himself surrounded by scores of Congressmen emerging 
from the exits of the great structure — Congress had ad- 
journed. 



]32 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER Xn. 



THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



The true university of these days is a collection of books. 

— Carlvle. 

^'F ■ HEN^ Admiral Cockburn, the cocky Britisli Ad- 
M A I niiral, strutted up the steps to the chair of the 
^^^^^P House of Representatives in 1814, and flam- 
boyantly ordered the destruction of the piles of 
books which constituted the original Library of Congress, 
George Washington had been dead some fourteen years, or 
he might have paid dearly for his act of vandalism. 

Established in 1802 by the purchase of three thousand 
books, it now numbers over one million volumes, housed 
in the finest building of its kind in the world, a beautiful 
structure that cost L'ncle Sam six million, six hundred and 
twenty-seven thousand, one hundred and twenty-four dollars 
and fifty-four cents. 

These figures, being from official sources, are reliable. 
Tn regard to the fifty-four cents, that is presumed to cover 
the cost of the beautiful medal worn by -i-he official guarding 
the door at the entrance. 

Eight years were consumed in its construction, and in 

133 




i i.ttorn,'r.^e\fr!^^ 




JWTICE OAVID J BREWER 




GURKtTT. r^ 



c>^«* 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

1896, when the building was declared finished, there was 
on hand an unexpended balance of three hundred and 
fourteen thousand, four hundred and fifty-two dollars and 
two cents out of the amount appropriated by Congress for 
its completion. 

This reflects very seriously on its constructor, General 
Thomas Lincoln Casey, Chief of Engineers of the Army. 

According to the methods in vogue in many municipalities 
such a structure would consume three times eight years 
in construction, providing nice, fat jobs for scores of 
political heelers, and instead of a balance of the original 
construction fund being left at its completion, there would 
be a deficit of a couple million of dollars. 

The building is of the Italian Renaissance type of archi- 
tecture. There are about forty-five miles of shelving, with 
a capacity of two million, two hundred and twenty-five 
thousand volumes. 

From the circular desk in the center of the rotunda a 
perfect system of pneumatic tubes and telephones insures 
the arrival of books incjuired for, with marvelous prompti- 
tude. Books for Congressmen are conveyed to the Capitol 
by a cable through an underground tunnel. 

The dimensions of the library are four hundred and 
seventy feet by three hundred and forty feet, covering three 
and three-quarter acres of ground. 

The material used in its construction is Concord granite 
exteriorlv, and enameled brick within the courts, while 



134 




3tfitr*o i.P'\fr<t-f M- ^'^■(■i.^f-R of Kr 



C/>tHHO H of I LI.. 



THE HOUSE TAKING A RECESS. 
Representative Cannon Returns with a Booli of Reference. 

135 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 











the frame work is of steel. The interior is encased and 
decorated in marble and stucco. 

The decorations, which excite universal admiration, are 
wholly the work of American sculptors and painters, more 
than two score of whom participated in the work, rendering 
the library an exhibit and memorial of the ability of native 
art of which the American people may justly be proud. 

Just compare the beautiful decorative work done by these 
American artists with the beer-garden-like decorative paint- 
ing to be found in the corridors of the Senate wing of the 
Capitol, done by imported artists, and you will come to 
the conclusion that American Art is keeping pace with 
American advancement in other lines. 

As Uncle Hank and his nephew wended their way across 
the park between the Capitol and the Library, they discussed 
the best plan to see the library and all it contained. 

"I tell ye, Harry," remarked the old man, 'T love books. 
They remind nie ov well-bred children. They only speak 
when they're consulted." 

"And they're easily shut up," responded Harry. 

'T guess thar's whar ye enter accordin' tew act ov Con- 
gress, eh?" exclaimed the old man, pointing his finger at 
the grand staircase leading to the main entrance. 

"Yes, and if you don't look out Til have you copyrighted 
as an original production," letorted his nephew, laughingly. 

When they reached the vestibule the old man stood for 
sometime looking about the vast square well, occupying 
the center of the rectangular pavilion containing the mag- 

136 






" A'y > 



\ > 






wi.^ 



\V4\ ro, 







d4 ll - J f 













'I GUESS THAR'S WHAR YE ENTER ACCORDIN' TEW ACT OV CONGRESS, EH ? ' 

137 




^•VA> 



AKOUND THE CAPITAL. 

nificent stairways leading to the rotunda galleries. His 
admiration at last found vent. 

"Et's th' finest buildin' I ever see. Et looks ez ef et 
waz built by an insoorance company — et's so fine an' costly 
lookin'." 

"Don't enthuse until you've seen the rest of it." warned 
Harry. "We'll go up to the gallery first, and take In the 
rotunda from its elevation." The pair then ascended the 
marble steps, and as they reached the door leading to the 
gallery Uncle Hank's eye caught sight of a gilt lettered sign 
bearing the single word, 

SILENCE. 




^- J. i>E.L.S3>V f^-^' 



"Thar's an insult tew every free born American female 
visitor," exclaimed he. "Talk abaout equal rights en a free 
country — tew command a woman tew hold her tongue — 
et's curtailin' th" rights ov th' wimmen tew much tew be 
tolerated for one minnit." 

His comments were brought to a sudden check by an 
admonition from Harry that an official was watching them, 
and the rest of the old man's garrulous remarks were made 
in whispers. 

The rotunda is a grand octagonal hall one hundred feet 
in diameter, occupying the whole center of the building, 
and rising from the main floor to the canopy within the 
dome, a height of over one hundred and twenty-five feet. 

The dome rests upon eight massive pillars, connected by 
beautiful arches, each of which is filled above the capitals- 

138 




■ET LOOKS EZ KF TWAS BUILT BY EN ENSOOKANCE COMPANY— ET'S SO ELNE. 

139 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




TEX. ' M.C 




<n^ /^tr2<»»-«a-r- 



MC 



of its supporting- pillars with semi-circular windoiws thirty- 
two feet wide. 

The eight sides of the hall are formed by tw^o storied 
loggias of Siena marble, the lower story consisting of three 
arches divided by square pillars with Corinthian capitals, 
the second story of seven lesser arches supported by small 
pillars of Ionic style, and above all is carried an open gallery 
protected by a heavy balustrade. These loggias and the 
upper galleries run all around the rotunda. It was from 
these upper galleries, overlooking the whole room, nearly 
eighty feet from the tioor, that Uncle Hank and his nephew 
viewed the reading room and its busy workers. 

Eight colossal emblematic statues adorn this gallery. 

Sixteen portrait statues stand along the balustrade : they 
are of bronze and in pairs. 

Harry explained in detail each figure. "There is 
Michael Angelo and Beethoven, representing Art," ex- 
claimed he. "Plato and Bacon, representing Philosophy, 
and Homer and Shakespeare, standing for Poetry." 

Then, walking further around the gallery, he stopped 
to continue his description. 

"Law," he continued, "is represented by Solon and Chan- 
cellor Kent, while Newton and Joseph Henry represent 
Science ; further on are figures of Herodotus and Gibbon 
to illustrate History, while Religion is shown by figures of 
Moses and St. Paul ; all from authentic portraits, except 
those necessarily idealized." 

"Thar's one thing I never saw before — a collection of 

140 




"A BiAUTiFUL LIBRARY BUILDIN' EZ LIKE A HANDSUM' KIVER TEW A BOOK."-UNCLE HANK. 

141 



\^^_^^&»?-f^ 








N-C. t^j^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

statoos without a gineral en et," exclaimed the old man 
when Harry had concluded his description. 

'Tn the Congressional Library, 'the pen is mightier than 
the sword," " replied Harry, with a smile. 

They now proceeded to descend to the second floor 
pavilions, where they found a wealth of material to interest 
tiiem. 

Little groups of tourists were scattered here and there 
examining the beautiful Mosaics and decorative paintings, 
and they all acknov.dedged the wonderful beauty of the 
Library. 

Uncle Hank sat down on one of the settees to rest awhile, 
and incidentally read the many inscriptions accompanying 
the decorative work, while his nephew took a stroll over to 
a group of sightseers to hear what comment they were 
making on the edifice. On his return to where the old 
man was seated he proceeded to relate the individual 
opinions expressed. Said he, "The man from Chicago com- 
pared it with the Auditorium in the 'Windy City.' and found 
it sadly deficient in point of size ; and the New^ Yorker, 
while admitting its great beauty, said it was too far from 
Broadway, while the Philadelphian thought the decorations 
were too loud — that a more restful scheme would have 
been better. A St. Louis man deprecated the idea of so 
much praise being given to the structure before seeing 
what his city was going to do in the way of beautiful build- 
ings at their coming World's Fair. And a gentleman with 
an exceedingly large proboscis, who would be taken any- 

142 




A WHISPERED CONFERENCE. 
"When SENATOR BACON tells SENATOR TELLER a political secret it is with the assur- 
ance that he is no secret-teller. Senator Augustus Octavius Bacon denies strenuously 
that he is the author of any of Shakespeare's plays, but acknowledges that Ham-let and 
Bacon do seem to be related. Senator Henry Moore Teller, the Silver Republican, be- 
lieves that the blackest Republican cloud has a silver lining. 

143 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 





•Mich. 



where for a Hebrew, took very little notice of anything 
until he came to Elihu Vedder's '^vlinerva,' which they 
informed him was a mosaic ; and he became interested in 
it at once." 

'T reckon he thought Moses had som'thin' tew dew with 
et," replied the old man. 

"I suppose you've been studying those inscriptions up 
there," remarked Harry, pointing up to the quotations inter- 
woven with the decorations that embellish the walls of the 
pavilion. "Now, Uncle," he continued, "I admire the idea 
of placing those inscriptions very much. They furnish 
food for thought. Now what do you think of this? 'Read- 
ing maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing 
an exact man." 

"Th' last part ez kerrect, Harry. I once writ' an indors'- 
ment ontew th' back ov a note, an' et cost me 'xactly th' 
hull amount ov th' note," replied the old man dryly. 

"Well, here's another, in a different vein : 

" 'Knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven.' " 

"A sort ov Santy Dumont airship, I reckon. Naow, thar's 
a qwotation thet I've been studyin'," exclaimed the old 
man, pointing his finger as he read : " 'Knollege cums, but 
wisdom lingers.' Naow. thet's th' idee. When ye git 
kicked by a mule ye git th' knollege ov et et once, but et's 
wisdum thet keeps ye away frum his heels ever after." 

''Those ceiling inscriptions are taken from Adelaide 
Procter's poem, 'The Unexpressed.' No real poet ever 



144 




UNCLE HANK READING THE INSCRIPTIONS IN THE CONGRESSIONAL LIBRARY. 

145 




^■^■hf<. 




P><. M.C 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

wove in numbers all his dreams. How do you like that 
sentiment?" exclaimed Harry. 

"Ef they did, then them opium jints'd turn aout th' 
greatest poets." 

"But they'd have to write before their pipes went out," 
replied Harry. "Now here's another: 

" 'No great thinker ever lived and taught you all the 
wonder that his soul received.' " 

"Thet's very true, Harry. No lemon squeezer ever got 
th' last drop ov juice aout ov a lemon," explained the old 
man as he further elucidatv.^d the idea. 

"Well, now we've examined the paintings and inscrip- 
tions, suppose we take a stroll in yonder room? Having 
admired the cover, now let us examine the contents of the 
book," suggested Harry to his uncle, who was now com- 
pletely rested, and ready for a tramp of investigation wher- 
ever his fancy might lead. 

Ranged in a series of glass-covered cases was displayed 
a large collection of books printed when the art of printing 
was in its infancy ; old volumes printed in the sixteenth 
and seventeenth centuries, when the printing of books was 
rated among the high arts, and when many a volume was 
constructed because of a love for the art rather than for 
the hope of any profit in a pecuniary sf.nse that might 
accrue. 

To the real book-lover these old books, with their crude, 
though artistic illustrations, and their quaint types and 



14G 




ofthe Southern Ed>?on°' T ''"''"' "' ''''''''''' "^ "^"P'"" I^^t'tute and President 
°onl aiciatton w r '?" ^°"'' '' °"" °' '"^ --"-known figures of Washington. His 
hat B ackKids TrTJ ^anamaker in the department store business has taught him 

mac uiack Kids are always good to have in stock. 

147 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




/^ . V^ . ^ -yvi^v^W M.c. 




^i^.:dud^ 



CAU MC 



unique initial letters that embellish them, form a most en- 
trancing exhibit. 

"Et's trooly th' Art Preservativ' ov all th' Arts," exclaimed 
Uncle Hank, after exhaustively examining the cases, "an" 
et's a great pity et wazn't discovered a couple of thousand 
years sooner. Ef they'd hed printin' presses en ancient 
Athens, th' larnin' and filosofy ov Greece would hev bin 
presarved fer futoor ginerations." 

"Even a 'yellow journal,' containing wireless messages 
from Thermopylae, would have been eagerly sought by a 
later Napoleon or a Washington," suggested Harry. 

They now directed their steps to the gallery containing 
the old engraving and print exhibit. Here were to be 
seen some very fine samples of Albert Durer's engrav- 
ings, some of the specimens showm being the finest in the 
country. This collection is equallv rich in othei branches 
of engraving, the Rembrandt prints being particularly fine. 
In this gallery is to be found a very fine collection of 
portraits of Washington, a remarkable feature of which 
is, that while all are of high artistic merit, no two look 
alike. 

"Wad sonic power th' giffic gie us 
To see oiirscls as others see 21s '' 



pleaded the poet Burns. Were he living to-day he would 
doubtless be astonished at the lack of unity with which 
we are often viewed by others. 

Uncle Hank now conceived a great desire to descend to 

148 




SEXATOR WJI. E. ALLISON LOOKINCf UP A FEW REFERENCES IN THE CONGRESSIONAL LIBRARY. 

149 





AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

the floor below, and visit the Reading Room. With this 
energetic old man to conceive was to act, so accordingly 
he was soon striding up to the great circular desk in the 
center of the rotunda. 

Here he was greeted by an old friend, Air. A. R. Spofford, 
Chief Assistant Librarian, for many years Librarian of 
Congress. 

"Mr. Spofford," exclaimed the old man, *T've cum tew 
look over yer mental resty'rant." 

"Restaurant?" repeated Mr. Spofford, inquiringly. 

"Yeh ; th' resty'rant whar ye furnish food fer th' mind, 
fer thet's what books air." 

"Oh, I see," laughingly replied the librarian. "Well, if 
you count the books as dishes, we have quite a lengthy bill 
of fare." 

"En ef ye don't select 'em carefully ye're apt tew hav 
mental dyspepsy ; en jedgin' by th' lot ov books ye hev, 
thar's more danger ov overindulginse than ther ez ov 
starvashun," observed Uncle Hank, looking around at the 
well-filled cases that surrounded the rotunda. 

"It is the most wonderful collection in the country; in 
fact, a perfect haven of delight for the bibliomaniac," re- 
sponded the librarian, in a tone that indicated his great pride 
in the library. 

"Dew ye hev many ov them?" 

"Many of what?" 

"Dew ye hev many of them — maniacks?" 



150 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Well, it's hardly fair to call those who love books 
maniacs," smilingly replied Mr. Spofford. 

"Thar's a book I hev in mind thet would teach ye more 
ov th' inside liis'try ov Congress then any book thet waz 
ever published." 

"What book do you refer to?" 

"A book made up ov tii' Pages ov Congress." 

"I dare say such a volume would contain a wonderful lot 
of information relative to the inside history of legisla- 
tion," replied the librarian, with a significant look. 

"Wall, what them little imps cion't know, ain't worth 
knowin'. \A'hy, t'other day one of 'em kem over tew Senitor 
Depew's desk with sum books, an' th' little chap's hair 
waz thet thick thet et jest stood up like bristles on a hog's 
back. 'Sonny,' sez th' Senitor (who ez ez bald ez a hen's 
^&S)> ^vhen yew git married yer wif'll hev a fine place 
tew grab hold ov.' 'Senitor,' sez th' page, mournfully, 'ez 
thet th' way you lost your'n ?' " 

It was all that Librarian Spofiford could do to avoid 
breaking the imperative rule of the Library, which prohibits 
loud laughter. As for Uncle Hank, he quickly bade his 
old friend adieu, and retraced his steps to the periodical 
room, where he had agreed to meet his nephew. 

As he passed along the corridor leading to the room 
devoted to newspapers and periodicals, he noticed several 
very handsome rooms reserved (as their signs indicated) 
for the exclusive use of members of the House of Repre- 
sentatives and United State? Senators. 

151 




■ "^-^Loro. r^'^* 




JO^Iice. OllvwVfendeUtlolme* 




H.M 



?e.'"*. 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

The room designed for the use of the Senators is par- 
ticularly fine. There was a bar across the open door to 
prevent the too inquisitive public from entering therein. 

Uncle Hank stood for quite a while silently contemplating 
this beautiful room, with its magnificent decorations and 
beautiful furnishings'. Its magnificence jarred his simple 
bucolic taste. "Them U-nited States Senitors ain't losin' 
a trick !" he soliloquized, as he slowly moved away. 

When he reached the long room devoted to newspapers, 
and noticed the lengthy line of newspaper files, he did what 
nine out of every ten visitors to this room invariably do — 
he immediately proceeded to hunt up his local paper. After 
carefully wiping his glasses and then firmly adjusting them 
to his capacious nose, he took down the file that held his 
local paper. Then moving his chair closer to the window 
to get a better light (his sight was none too good, even 
with the aid of strong glasses), he proceeded to read. 

"By Gum !" he mused to himself, "thet Bill Snigers' gone 
an' married th' Widder Stivers an' her six childer — I guess 
et's th' widder's farm that Bill's arter. Whew ! Jabez 
Broad's painted his barn ; — an' what's this ? Deacon Tag- 
gers hez won his suit again' th' road commishners fer 
damiges agin his shade trees." 

Then, turning over a leaf, his eye encountered the editorial 
page. Glancing his eye along the columns, his attention 
was attracted to the "leader," which he perused very care- 
fully. Finally a cloud seemed to pass over his usually 
benign countenance 

152 




A MEMBER OF THE HOUSE MEETING HIS CONSTITUENTS AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE CHAMBER. 

153 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




JU^TICEHEMKYB BROWN. 




^•e:pERK>Ht>^^ 



Placing the file carefully on the table, he took off his 
glasses, and while mechanically wiping them with the 
corner of his large voluminous handkerchief, he muttered 
angrily : 

"Thet Hezekiah Sourworth ez a trucklin" politician ! 
Advocatin' th" buildin' ov a new dam, when th' caounty's 
deep en debt already. He knows that a leetle repairin' ez 
all et needs. No use tew build a new one. Et's a sharp 
bit er politics — givin' aout contracts so's tew git th' Italian 
vote next 'lection." And so he allowed himself to become 
excited over the little trivialities contained in his small 
local paper. 

But Uncle Plank was only one of many en a like mission — 
looking over their home papers for the little tid-bits of local 
news that form so important a part in the routine life of 
the majority of the inhabitants of this little terrestrial 
sphere. 

Scores of Congressmen were to be seen looking up their 
home papers to spend an hour or so in keeping track of 
local politics before the opening of the session at the Capitol. 

''Thar's th' real Congress ov th' U-nited States," solilo- 
quized Uncle Hank, as he silently contemplated the long 
lines of newspaper files, and noticed the avidity with which 
they were read. 

"Representytives frum every State an' section — represent- 
in' th' true sentimint of th' people. Th' Press ez a greater 
power then Congress becos et hez th' people back OW et. 
Et can't misrepresent ets constituensy ; ef et did et would 

154 




A GROrP OF PKOMINENT SENATORS. 

155 




'^a C APRON. r^-^-^"" 




' ARK. ' VMC 



ARK. ' V MC. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

lose ets circulashun. Et decides all tli' public questions 
ov th' day. Et waz th' Press thet brought on th' 
Spanish War — forcin' Congress tew act when Congress waz 
ondecided. An' I notis thet when an important question ez 
before th' House, th' members consult th' Press before they 
make up ther minds haow tew vote." And the old man 
quietly folded up his glasses, restoring them to his pocket 
after carefully placing them in the old leather case. Then 
placing the file back in its rack, he reached across the table 
for his hat and walked over to where his nephew was busily 
engaged in looking over the papers to see how his "Wash- 
ington correspondence" looked in cold type. 

Harry's task was soon ended, and he then proposed that 
they take a stroll through the rest of the building. 

"We've seen only a small part of this great structure as 
yet," remarked Harry. "The floor area of the first floor of 
the library is about one hundred and eleven thousand square 
feet — that of the British Museum is only ninety thousand 
square feet." 

"Score one fer Uncle Sam," dryly remarked the old man. 

"It has no rival in the world," continued Harry. "While 
its primary function is to furnish the national legislature 
with all the aids in their important duties which a complete 
and comprehensive library can supply, it is at the same 
time the great conservator of the literature of the nation. 
It is the legal repository of the entire product of the Ameri- 
can press, so far as issued under the protection of the copy- 
right laws. Multitudes of books have disappeared from 

156 








SENATOR PLATT, OF NEW YORK, RECEIVES A VISITOR IN THE MARBLE ROOM— SOME- 
TIMES CALLED THE ROOM OF THE "MARBLE HEART." 



157 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




\?3 

CHIIFJUiTKE: MYLVIllEW.rULlC(t. 




JUSTICE EDWARDJJ.WHJTE. 



existence owing to the lack of a place of deposit in the 
earlier years.'' 

"Wall, Harry, I reckon et waz a good thing they did," 
rejoined the old man. "All them worth keepin' hez bin 
kept. Et's a law ov nature — th' survival ov th' fittest." 

"From the lack of care in this respect," continued Harry, 
unmindful of his uncle's facetious remark, "the National 
Library of Great Britain has for a number of years been 
buying up at great cost the pamphlets, dramas and story 
folios of English literature of past ages to make complete 
its imperfect collection. The Thomason collection, consist- 
ing of some twenty odd thousand pieces, covering the 
Cromwellian period in England, was purchased by the King 
and presented to the British Museum Library, and it was 
of almost inestimable value to Thomas Carlyle when he 
undertook to write his wonderful work. When you con- 
sider the scope of this library I think you will agree with 
me that this is the most important building in Washington, 
if not in the country." 

"I agree with ye, Harry," responded the old man. 
"Libraries ez important institootions. Andy Carnegie thinks 
so, tew, or he wouldn't be puttin' sc*. much money in 'em." 

"Now, I propose to take you down to the Reading Room 
for the Blind," said Harry, as they passed out of the period- 
ical room into the corridor. Uncle Hank incidentally ex- 
amined the beautiful decorative paintings as they walked 
along, stopping occasionally to examine those that appealed 
to his taste. 

158 




ANDREW CARNEGIE, L.L.D. (lavish library distributor), who believes it a great disgrace 
to die rich. This sentiment is, however, not taken seriously by his old associates who 
are earnestly striving to be disgraced. 

159 




JWOWtllJ-TnOlAN OFNATX.CEM-'-J, 
.• -J bCTTy4Dl/R&.PA,<-, 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Harry!" he suddenly exclaimed, "I've notised thet ev'ry 
one ov them paintin's hez th' words 'copyrighted' painted 
en the corner; thet shows haow much smarter aour Ameri- 
can artists air then them old masters like Michael Angelo, 
Rubins, Raphyel, an' thet craowd — aour artists air bizness 
men." And the old man grinned at the thought. 

Soon they reached the room in the basement devoted to 
the "Blind Library." Here they found books printed in 
raised letters so that those unfortunates who are bereft 
of sight can read with marvelous facility by running their 
sensitive fingers over the raised letters. There was also 
a number of periodicals for the blind, printed in a like 
manner. Uncle Hank examined these works with extreme 
interest. 

"Even th' blind air made tew see naow days. Et's a 
marvellus age we're livin' en. En this library, naow thet 
I've hed a good look et et, ez a marvellus afifair, f an ag'in' 
brings tew mind what th' great Scotchman, Thomas Carlyle, 
sed : 'Th' true university ez a collection ov books.' " 



160 










AT PERRY'S FOUNTAIN— CONGRESSIONAL LIBRARY. 
161 




SENATOR MORGAN AND HIS INTIMATE FRIEND, SENATOR McENERY TAKING A STROLL 
ON PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE. 

162 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XHL 

A WALK UP PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE. 

« J ■ LL roads lead to Rome," was a Roman proverb. A 

M|J modern rendition of that sentiment, as applied to 

m I Washington, would read : "All trolley cars run 

to the Capitol." No matter in what part of the 

eity you may happen to board a trolley car, it will eventually 

land you at the majestic Corinthian edifice on Capitol Hill, 

and in the vicinity of Pennsylvania Avenue. 

It is safe to say that no person ever visited the city 
without taking a stroll on this historic avenue. Wander 
as you will, up one street and down another, you will find 
that eventually you will land on the "Avenue." 

The streets are beautifully puzzling to the stranger, who 
finds it exceedingly difficult to disentangle "northwest" from 
"southwest" ; and the best advice in such a dilemma is — to 
jump on a trolley car and get back to the Capitol, to start 
all over again. 

Washingtonians will tell you that the system of dividing 
the city into the four sections of the compass is a beautiful 
one — when you understand it ; but the difficulty is in under- 
standing it. 

If you are so constituted as tc be able to see a joke in 

163 




/^.'iS M £ S W !> 




THE OLD BOOK SHOP ON PENNSYLVANIA AVE. 
(Opposite the Capitol.) 

164 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

everything, it is very amusing to find that upon arriving in 
the city, and wishing to locate an address given you, and 
after spending considerable time in reaching the street and 
number, you discover yourself miles from your destination 
because you failed to notice the talismanic N. W. or S. W. 
attached to the end of your address. If you are humorously 
inclined you will laugh at your predicament — but the chances 
are very great the other way. 

There is no street in all the world like Pennsylvania 
Avenue. It is so wide that only skyscrapers on both sides 
could give it a definite sky line. On a bright morning it 
affords a most entertaining promenade, with its hurrying 
crowd bent upon reaching the Capitol to secure points of 
vantage in the galleries of Congress, or to meet members 
in the committee rooms, or perhaps to wander aimlessly 
about the great structure, peering into its numberless 
recesses and corridors, and admiring its grand proportions 
and its historical chambers rich in reminiscence. 

Leaving the Capitol grounds, the first thing to catch 
the eye is a quaint old second-hand book store on the right 
hand side of the street, the proprietor of which stands in 
his cave of volumes like a hibernating bear. Here you will 
often see statesmen stop on their way to the Capitol to 
examine some rare book which has accidentally caught the 
eye, and then to bargain with the dealer for its possession. 
But if the volume in question should be found to possess 
any merit, rest assured it will not be secured without a 
payment fully equal to its value, for, however unar-suming 

1G5 







^<^7r'(^3^'-M- ^ 




•^/^.PATTE-RSO^ 




SENATOR DANIELS OF VIRGINIA. 

166 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



the old bookdealer may seem, he is quite an adept in price- 
Hsting his wares. 

Across the street are the Botanical Gardens, where the 
Congressman and his lady .friends frequently stop to secure 
the charming little boutonnieres with which to adorn a lapel 
or a corsage before entering the Halls of Legislation on the 
Hill. 

It will be noticed that this part of the avenue looks some- 
what run down at the heel. Small shops with cheap signs 
abound. Shoe-shining "parlors," souvenir stores, five cent 
barber shops and three cent lunch rooms monopolize this 
section. A well conducted barber shop in this vicinity gives 
a shave for a nickel with a "clean" towel to every customer. 
The proprietor explains to his patrons that in consequence 
of a powerful rival in the Capitol — the free barber shop for 
Senators — he is forced to do business on a five cent basis. 
(Another glaring example of monopoly crushing industry.) 

A little further along the street is the "Official Photog- 
rapher of Washington," or rather the photographer of the 
officials at Washington, for his windows seem to contain 
portraits of all the notabilities at the Capitol. This is one 
of the places where the new member gets even with the 
old members — for his picture, it will be observed, is just 
as large as those of his most influential colleagues. Strangers 
in the city never pass these attractive windows without 
endeavoring to pick out their respective representatives iri 
Congress. 

We now come to the National Hotel, at the corner of 

167 




^rdsig-T^ 



MC 




1TNCLE HANK INTERVIEWS SENATOR PLATT. 
DNCLE HANK— "Senator, when ye put 'Teddy' on th' shelf, ye should hev selected one thet waz not so 

nigh tew th* Presidential chair." 

168 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



Sixth Street, the resort of the Southern member of Congress 
and his many friends. On the opposite corner, across the 
avenue, is another equally well known hotel — the St. James. 
Sixth Street at this point, is a sort of port of entry for 
the Capitol. Crowds of travelers are constantly passing 
in both directions, for closely adjacent is the Baltimore and 
Potomac depot, which is the Union Station of the Pennsyl- 
vania Railroad system, the Chesapeake and Ohio, the 
Southern Railway, the Seaboard Air Line, the Atlantic Coast 
Line, and the Norfolk and Western. 

This edifice has become historic, and will always be of 
interest to visitors to the Capitol, for here occurred the 
assassination of President Garfield. The assassin watched 
from a window to the right of the ladies' entrance for the 
approach of the President, and, standing in the corner 
formed by the vestibule and the window, fired the shot 
that robbed the American people of the beloved Garfield. 

The President fell directly in front of the door in the 
ladies' waiting room. The spot is marked by a small brown 
stone set in the tiled floor. 

Colored porters throng about the entrance to this depot, 
importuning travelers, and a picturesque lot they are, clad 
in all sorts of cast-off raiment. The Washington negro is 
in a class by himself — light-hearted and good-natured, 
shooting craps when there are no customers in sight, or 
shrilly whistling some ragtime ditty. They freely call each 
other "nigger," and if they ever disagree, never come to 
blows in their quarrels. 

169 




oT3". CUL8.^cvvi>t«, 



N.y MX. 




TEXAS M.c 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^■s-s^w^K^^vi.W.c- <^- 



As one walks up the avenue from this point a multitude 
of signs designating cut-rate ticket offices are noticed. 

A skylarking Congressman one night removed one of 
these signs and placed it carefully in front of one of the 
five cent barber shops in the vicinity, to the great detriment 
to the business of the aforesaid barber shop, w^hose customers 
hesitated at taking chances in a tonsorial establishment 
where cut rates were in vogue. 

On reaching Seventh Street a procession of heavily laden 
boarding-house keepers will usually be seen coming from 
Center Market, formerly called the Old Marsh Market, the 
ground here once having been a marsh or bog. Many 
famous men have come here in person to do their marketing, 
among the more notable are mentioned the names of Daniel 
Webster, Chief Justice Marshall and William Henry Harri- 
son — but times have changed wonderfully since then. 
Imagine, if you can, Secretary Root, Marcus Alonzo Hanna, 
or Chief Justice Fuller wandering through the Market 
House looking for bargains in scrapple, or sampling choice 
print butter, or poking a forefinger into a sirloin steak to 
test its tenderness. 

A large open square is here formed by the intersection 
of Louisiana Avenue, where is aflrorded the first glimpse 
of the Washington ^^lonument half a mile away to the 
southwest, its long white shaft piercing the sky like a tireless 
sentinel. The Hancock Statue adorns this square, to the 
right of which is to be found a number of department 
stores. 

170 




BOIES PENROSE, Senator from Pennsylvania, is one of Papa Quay's favoiite little boies, 
or boys, as it is usually spelled outside of Philadelphia. He is a very obedient son, 
always obeying his papa without question as a dutiful child should. 

171 




MINN. ffi^C. 




^oM-c^re^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

Passing along this square may be seen coming from 
the market place every conceivable style of ramshackle 
vehicle known to the farmers of the adjacent country — 
conveyances that look as if they were about to tumble to 
pieces in the street, but withal, very picturesque. Many a 
fine old barouche or family carriage, that in ante-bellum 
days was the aristocratic means of conveyance from the old 
plantation to church on Sabbath Day, is now doing service 
for some truck farmer, enabling him to conveniently trans- 
port his garden "sass" to market. 

Just beyond the market house stands a little theatre de- 
voted to vaudeville. This place of amusement is usually 
well patronized, as time often hangs heavily on the hands 
of the Congressman after nightfall, and as smoking is 
allowed during the entertainment, it is very popular with 
the masculine element, which seems to predominate in this 
city of lawmakers. 

In crossing Eighth Street, to the right will be noticed, a 
couple of blocks distant, the white pillars of the old Post 
Office building, which is now an annex to the Interior 
Department. 

Nearing Tenth Street you will come within sight of the 
Salvation Army building. Whenever you see a building 
devoted to the uses of the Salvation Army, rest assured 
you will also find in the same locality all sorts of question- 
able resorts, which undoubtedly need its purifying influ- 
ences ; and here, clustered about, are to be found pool rooms, 
gambling resorts, burlesque variety shows, and the like. 

172 




The Norwegians and Swedes who have settled in Minnesota swear by their little Senator, 

KNUTE NELSON, who was born in Norway. 
CHARLES HENRY DIETRICH, Senator from Nebraska, is also the staunch friend of the 

same class, as well as of the Germans in his State. Although a great german leader 

he is no society man. 

173 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




M.c 



The Lyceum Theatre is on this block, and here nightly 
can be seen peroxide blonde burlesque troupes in astonishing 
displays of female nether extremities. It is quite needless 
to state that this place of amusement is also well pationized. 

Harvey's famous oyster and chop house, a great resort 
for gentlemen with sporting proclivities, adjoins this 
theatre on the corner. Directly opposite is the beautiful 
building of the Post Office Department, to the rear of 
which is located Washington's "red light" district. At night 
the streets in this locality are conveniently dark — possibly 
to enable "statesmen" to prowl about without too much 
publicity. 

Crossing the avenue at Eleventh Street you will come to 
the handsome home of "The Evening Star." 

At the lower end of this open square can be seen the 
Franklin Statue, and right back of it "The Times" build- 
ing, the home of Stilson Hutchi:;s' newspaper, which was 
recently purchased by Frank A. Munsey. 

A close scrutiny would now disclose the fact that a de- 
cided change had come over the character of this famous 
avenue. The stores present a more prosperous appearance 
— "barber shops" are no longer to be seen — but "tonsorial 
palaces" abound. The "saloon" has given place to the more 
pretentious "cafe." which much abused word is usually used 
to designate drinking places where everything in the drink- 
ing line is dispensed to the thirsty, but — cofifee. 

No greater evidence of the improvement in the character 
of the avenue can be adduced than in contrasting the frowsy 

174 




COLORED ARISTOCRACV. 
'De cuUud folks am bon-ton sense Bookah Washin'ton dined at de White House.' 



175 








NX 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

old second-hand book store opposite the Capitol with the 
elegant "book shop" of Brentano's, on the corner of 
Eleventh Street. Here you will find the true lover of books 
(and every true statesman is to be found in this category), 
browsing among the stacks of newly issued volumes. 

The elegant Raleigh Hotel now claims attention. If the 
fastidious "Sir Walter" were living he would be astonished 
at the elegance of this "Inn" which bears his famous name. 

Midway on the next block is Hancock's old restaurant, 
established in 1840. The "oldest inhabitant" never tires of 
telling of the great men who have partaken of the wonderful 
meals of this well-seasoned old chop house. 

On Thirteenth Street's corner the Southern Railway 
Company has erected a handsome office building, which is a 
credit to the avenue and J. Pierpont Morgan, the great 
organizer, as well. 

Another open square now intervenes. These open squares 
are a regular thing in Washington, and sometimes lead 
strangers to suspect that the city is a wide open town. 
Such is, however, not the case. The only things allowed 
to remain wide open being the Capitol restaurant and 
visitors' pocketbooks. 

A conspicuous feature of this open square is the hand- 
some edifice of the new National Theatre, one of the city's 
finest amusement enterprises ; although the Capital City is 
not known very favorably as a theatrical town ; possibly 
because of the many counter attractions present, as Con- 
gress is a sort of continuous circus-performance most of 

17G 




A SOUTHERN GROUP. 

177 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^■B.C0(\PtH-^'^ 



the time ; and as society takes up where Congress leaves 
off, it can readily be seen that legitimate amusement enter- 
prises are seriously handicapped. 

Closely adjacent to the theatre is the "Washington Post" 
building. Strangers asking to be directed to the Post Office 
are frequently directed to this building. 

The next corner is occupied by the magnificent two mil- 
lion dollar New Willard Hotel, the finest in Washington. 
It justly rates very high in the esteem of its patrons, and 
as a natural consequence its rates are correspondingly high. 

Our readers knowing full well the thrifty character of the 
Yankee farmer, Uncle Hank, might be astonished at being 
told that he stopped at the New Willard ; but such is the 
fact — he stopped to admire the beautiful structure that cost 
such a huge fortune to build. 

The flaring bill-boards on the opposite side of the avenue 
proclaim Chase's Family Vaudeville Theatre a model of 
its kind, which is undoubtedly the fact; and, as a result, is 
very popular. 

The Treasury Building now looms up. apparently ending 
the avenue. This edifice which appropriately typifies the 
prevailing American worship of money, is constructed in 
the Ionic-Greek style of temple. It is second only to the 
Capitol itself in architectural importance. The architect. 
Robert Mills, wished to have the building erected on grounds 
commensurate with its importance, instead of obstructing 
the thoroughfare, but President Jackson — so the story goes 
— impatient at the delay in selecting a suitable site, finally 

178 




SENATOR SPOONER RECEIVING CONGRATULATIDNS AT THE CONCLUSION OF HIS GREAT 

SPEECH. 

179 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^«<2r^ 



F^»*-*i;^^ 



MC. 




■^ U Jl/jHArCc.^^ 



stuck his cane in the ground one day, and exclaimed, "Build 
it here !" And so it was built. 

The result is that all traffic is turned to the north at this 
point. 

Just in the rear of the Treasury Building stands the 
pedestal of what is to be the Sherman statue — that much 
"cussed" and discussed work, which artists claim was 
awarded solely through political influence, and without 
properly considering the designs submitted by the committee 
of artists selected to construct the statue. 

Turning the corner of Fifteenth Street, F Street, the fash- 
ionable shopping thoroughfare, is next reached. A glance 
at this thoroughfare, with its sidewalks crowded with hand- 
somely gowned women and its myriads of elegant equipages, 
will soon convince one that Washington is a wealthy city. 
There is no truer test of the affluence of a city's people 
than is afforded by an inspection of its principal shopping 
thoroughfare. 

The famous Riggs House occupies the next comer. This 
notable hostelry has long been endeared to visitors to the 
Capitol, its "registers" containing the names of the most 
prominent men in the country for many years past. 

Pennsylvania Avenue is now again reached, and the 
White House is to be seen in the distance. Walking along 
the broad pavement in front of the Treasury Building, the 
stately edifice of the State, War and Navy building is next 
encountered. This is the largest and most magnificent ofifice 
building in the world. 

180 




PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT SUBMITTING TO AN IMPROMPTU INTERVIEW. 

181 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

Lafayette Park, with its Lafayette statue at one corner 
and the newlv erected Rochambeau statue at the other, is 
just opposite. Through the trees can be discerned the 
"ArHngton," one of Washington's best hotels ; the scene of 
many of the "swellest" entertainments given during the 
''session." 

The White House is now reached — just step inside and 
pay your respects to the President, who will be glad to see 
you — provided you are not an office-seeker. 



MlCH. 



mjC 



182 



AROUND THE CAPITAL 



CHAPTER XIV. 



INAUGURATION DAY 



CHE day of days in Washington is Inauguration Day. 
When a new President is to be installed ; a new 
regime to be established ; new faces and new factors 
to be introduced, and often a complete change to 
take place in the personnel of the Administration, then 
Washington puts on its best "bib and tucker" to greet the 
occasion as it fitly deserves. 

About the first day of March the well-to-do people com- 
mence to pour in, endeavoring to get ahead of the delega- 
tions. On the second day their majesties — the People — 
begin to put in an appearance — about thirty thousand of 
them. The next day about seventy thousand will choke the 
railway stations till well past midnight. The morning of 
Inauguration Day will find them coming — coming — coming. 
The streets are now thronged. The souvenir peddlers are 
doing a "land office" business (as they say in the West). 
The hotel corridors are crowded with men who look like 
statesmen — or what we imagine statesmen should look like. 
The Governor of a big State gives a reception to the vis- 
itors from his State. The Congressional delegation from his 
State attend in a body, and also the political "Boss," who 

1S3 




<xcn.MilfS plvyin^ CxoJf. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




holds the pohtical destinies of the aforesaid Governor in tTie 
pahii of his hand. The "Boss" wears an expansive smile. 
He has just landed one of his henchmen in a snug cabinet 
position under the incoming Administration. 

As is usually the case in Washington City on Inauguration 
Day — it is raining. But the rain does not last long. It 
clears away in the middle of the forenoon, and umbrellas 
are carefully folded up and used as canes. 

Pennsylvania Avenue is jammed with people moving to- 
wards the Capitol. The "Avenue," as it is called by Wash- 
ingtonians, does not lend itself very readily to decoration. 
Its private buildings are insignificant and the great width 
of the thoroughfare tends to make them appear more so. 
The public buildings are magnificent, notably the grand 
Treasury building — the finest model of modern Greek 
architecture in the world. But its noble Doric pillars are 
never successfully decorated with cheap bunting. The 
State, War and Navy building, being of the Renaissance 
style, lends itself somewhat better to the decorator's art. 

Vast numbers of gaily decorated stands line the avenue. 
It is scarcely ten o'clock and they are already filled ; like- 
wise all the windows along the line of march. At ten- 
thirty an automobile rolls into the White House grounds 
and arriving at the entrance of the Executive Mansion, a 
well-known Senator steps out and hurries within, followed 
by several well-known statesmen. Shortly after an impos- 
ing pair of closely-clipped bay horses appear. Inside is the 
President-elect, accompanied by a rotund Senator and a 

181 




V>/v; TirtC fA^>C CHIMESE MINISTER 56 C 



THE CHINESE EMBASSY. 

185 







i>/.^x4^rr^ /ihl^ 2rx^ A\.? 




F.CTATE.M.C. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

State Governor. Also a well-gr.oomed gentleman who ap- 
pears to be a stranger to all but the President-elect. He 
knows him to be a secret service detective. 

The party at once proceeds to the Blue Room, where they 
are greeted by the President. 

The President's landau, with four gaily caparisoned 
horses, soon draws up before the door. 

The President, according to custom, enters the carriage 
first and takes the place of honor, followed immediately by 
the President-elect. 

At eleven-thirty the Presidential party arrives at the Cap- 
itol, the great bronze doors are opened to permit the entrance 
of the President, his successor and their escort. As they 
enter the Senate Chamber the entire audience in the galleries 
and on the floor arise and remain standing. The scene is one 
calculated to impress. The Senate Chamber, flooded with 
softened sunlight that comes through the ground glass roof 
above, the dignified officers of state in their respective places, 
the diplomatic corps, resplendent in their showy uniforms, 
the eager and expectant assemblage, all tend to make the 
occasion one of more than ordinary impressiveness. 

The ceremonies are brief but dignified. The President's 
address is most felicitous, while that of the President-elect 
is singularly happy. 

After the Chaplain concludes his invocation, the throng 
of officials, preceded by the Supreme Court in an array of 
silken robes, observing the customary rules of precedence, 



180 




EDMUND WINSTON PETTUS, the venerable Senator from Alabama, is the patriarch of the 
Democratic side of the Senate Chamber. Born in 1821, he has been a distinguished war- 
rior nearly a;i his long life; serving with valor in the Mexican War, the Civil 
War, and the war on the Administration. 



187 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




./^flv<*c4 yi. J\-^.JJ^ »H.C. 



file out into the corridor, thence to the rotunda and to the 
Presidential stand. 

The President, the President that is to be, and the Chief 
Justice of the Supreme Court occupy the center of the stand,! 
facing the vast multitude which stands looking towards the 
Capitol, eager with expectancy. 

A Bible is handed to the Chief Justice, who, in a clear, 
ringing voice, administers the oath of office to the new Pres- 
ident. A salvo of cheers mingled with the roar of cannon 
follows, during which the new President advances to th 
rail and commences the delivery of his inaugural address, 
after which the President and the ex-President enter their 
carriage and the parade to the White House begins. Cheer 
after cheer greets the new Executive as the procession 
slowdy makes its way up Pennsylvania Avenue. 

"The King is Dead — Long Live the King!" is the senti- 
ment, though the words used are more fitting to express the 
exuberance of patriotism of the hordes of free-born Amer- 
ican citizens that greet their choice of a ruler as he passes 
triumphantly on his way to the White House. 

After a grand display of fireworks on the White Lot, 
during which the Government buildings are illuminated, 
cannon salutes fired and patriotic airs are played by the 
bands, the Presidential party proceeds to the Pension build- 
ing, where the Inaugural Ball is in progress. Escorted by 
the Chairman of the Ball Committee, the party makes a tour 
of the immense hall. Here the utmost enthusiasm prevails. 
Everyone is eager to see the new President, and a general 

188 



i 

i 




ADMIRAL WINFIELD SCOTT SCHLEY. Hero of Santiago and inventor of the Loup de 
Loup. Early in the Spanish-American War he discovered that the Brooklyn Bridge was 
unsafe in cannon-ball-rush hours. His most celebrated battle was the desperate engage- 
ment with Maclay's History, in which the latter was riddled fore and aft with hot shot 
and compelled to surrender. 

189 




■ ^■'^R-eutTnc-f^^^^' 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

hand-shaking takes place. After undergoing this orc'eal he 
reahzes for the first tmie what is in store for him for the 
next four years. 

About midnight the Presidential party leaves the hall,, 
leaving the revelers to continue their revelries, which they 
do until the wee small hours of morning. 

It is generally dawn of the next day and the sharp point 
of the Washington Monument is tipped with the gold of the 
rising sun when the last carriage is called and Washington's 
big spree is over, till another four years have rolled around.. 

Azvakc! for Morning in the Bowl of AUgJit 
Has filing the Stone that puts the Stars to Flight; 
And Lo! the Hunter of the East has eaiight 
The Sultaji's Turret in a Noose of Light. 

— Omar Khayyam. 



1 
I 



190 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XV. 



UNCLE HANK GETS SHAVED IN THE SENATE BARBER SHOP, 



TSWAN tew goodness, I never see sech a lot ob rooms 
with funny names!" exclaimed Uncle Hank, as he 
w^andered through the corridors in the basement of 
the Capitol. "Stationery Room ! — wall, et looks sta- 
tionary enuff ; I don't reckon et's goin' tew move off with th' 
weight ov this big buildin' on top 6v et. En look et thet — 
Foreign Relashuns ! — th' idee ov settin' off a leetle room like 
thet tew receive furrin relashuns ! Ef sum ov Uncle Sam's 
furrin relashuns shud visit him, — 'Zar ov Rooshy, fur in- 
stance — et'd be a disgrace tew put him en a room like thet. 
Thar's anuther — Five Civilized Tribes ov Injuns! — didn't 
know thar waz eny. Gineral Sheridan sed th' only good 
Injun waz a ded Injun, an' I s'posed thet waz th' only way 
Ih' Gov'mint hed ov civilizin' 'em." 

A little further down the corridor his eye caught another 
sign attached to a door. "Relashuns with Canady," he 
read. "\\"e hev a lot ov relashuns with Canady, but ther 
mostly runaway bank officers an' defaulters, an' I can't see 
what good thet room ez. What's this?" he exclaimed. 
"Pertecshun ov Game ! Thet room ought tew be over in 
Noo York. Thar's whar ther pertectin' games right along." 

191 







R.I. 




■////:■ 



0HIC5, MC. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

And so he rattled on as he walked along. Finally, coming 
to a large, conspicuous room with a prominent gilt sign over 
the door he readjusted his glasses as he read, "Invalid Pen- 
shuns ! They ain't no sech a thing ! Et's th' healthiest de- 
partment under th' Gov'mint, an' I don't believe ther's a 
single penshun thet's an envalid. Th' sooner they abolish 
thet room th' better." 

The old man was in a facetious mood, and as he passed 
down the passage-way he saw only its humorous side. 
Finally he reached the Senatorial Barber Shop, where Uncle 
Sam has provided free shaves for his law-makers. 

This Senatorial tonsorial establishment is a very exclusive 
affair. Its "artists" receive salaries of one thousand dollars 
per year each, and the Government furnishes the shaving 
materials — razors, strops, bay rum, soap, powder and witch- 
hazel — in fact, everything that is required in a first-class 
tonsorial establishment. 

Uncle Hank did not know of its exclusive character when 
he arrived at its door, and, passing his hand over his stubby 
chin, suddenly concluded he needed a shave. 

Walking boldly in with a self-satisfied air of assurance 
he proceeded to divest himself of his hat and coat and 
plumped himself into an empty chair, ready for the more or 
less pleasant operation of shaving. 

The ebony-hued barber who at first appeared undecided 
as to the identity of this particular "Senator," upon witness- 
ing the complacency and self-assurance of the old man, con- 
cluded that this "Senator" was one of the new batch that 

192 




SENATOR THOMAS COLLIER PLATT, Elephant trainer, has rendered perfectly docile and 
tractable the wild pachyderm known as the N. Y. G. 0. P., which being correctly inter- 
preted signifies New York Government of Piatt. Maintains sundry convenient shelves for 
the retiring of fractious office holders, on one of which he placed the self-willed Teddy. 
This shelf, however, being in close proximity to the Presidential Cliair, Its occupant 
rolled off at the first opportunity. 

103 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^ewis ^^ 



had just arrived out of the far Northwest. The other bar- 
bers were too busy with their respective tasks to notice the 
new arrival, and if they had they would most likely have 
come to tiie same conclusion that Uncle Hank's barber had — 
that the old man was one of the newly elected lot and had 
come in for his first shave. 

"Gwine ter hab a busy sesshun, Sen'tor?" remarked the 
barber for a feeler, as he tucked the towel close between the 
neckband of the old man's shirt and his neck. 

"I'm lookin' fer a lively sesshun an' a long one," replied 
the old man, grinning at the title of "Senator." 

"These Washin'ton folks ez very free wath titles," he 
thought to himself. 

"Sen'tor, did yo git on to any ob dem good committees'"* 
pursued the barber, accidentally jabbing the lather brusn in 
the old man's mouth as he opened it to reply. 

"Oh, yas," replied the Yankee, after good naturedlv clear- 
ing his mouth of the lather. "I got on tew 'em all right! 
They're th' funniest lot I ever see." And he grinned from 
ear to ear at the memory of the names he had seen on the 
committee room doors. 

"Got much 'quainted wid de Sen'tors yit?" queried the 
barber, who was very loquacious, after the manner of bar- 
bers in general. 

"Oh, yas; I've met a few. Hed a talk with Mark Hanna 
tother day." 

"Haid Sen'tor frum Souf Carliny in dis mo'nin'?" 

'Tillman?" 

194 




HENRY CABOT LODGE. Senator and Scholar from Massachusetts. An acknowledged mas- 
ter of lodge-ic in debate. Coming from Boston he is naturally a very highly educated 
man. Can recite the History of the United States backwards. His speeches are models 
of erudition, fairly bristling with classical allusions that drive his opponents to despair— 
and the Senate restaurant. 

195 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




<%^ 4(Vf^ 



"No, sah — AIcLa'rin — fixed him up aftah dat scrap wid 
Tillman — gits in mah cheer ebery mo'nin' now." And the 
talkative darky started in to give the new "Senator" (as he 
regarded Uncle Hank) a detailed account of his familiarity 
with the great men of the Senate. "Now, dar's Sen'tor 
Bacon," continued he, "hit doan take long t' cut his har — cos 
he hain't got much ha'r to cut — yah — yah !" And he laughed 
as he made this allusion to the Senator's bald head. 

"Wall, when yew come tew consider," replied the old man, 
"baldness ez a merciful dispensashun ov Proverdence thet 
lessens th' number ov gray hairs thet cum with increasin' 
age." 

"Den Proverdens am berry merciful to Sen'tor Bacon, 
fer I nebber see sech a bald haid," retorted the black knight 
of the razor. 

"Sum ov them Senitors don't hev much shavin', I reckon," 
remarked the old man as the barber left his chin for a mo- 
ment to strop his razor. "Thar's Senitor Allison, fer 
instance." 

"I use ter shave his upper lip, but now he lets he's mustash 
grow an' he nebber cums in 'ceptin' when he wants er ha'r- 
cut," replied the barber as he proceeded to strop the razor 
again. 

"Powerful stitT beard, sah !" exclaimed he, as he again 
tackled the bristles on the old man's ch.in. 

"I reckon they be rayther stiff on th' upper lip — ye see 
I've kep' rayther a stiff upper lip all my life, an' I reckon 



196 




ORVILLE H. PLATT, Senator from Connecticut, the State made famous by the Ingenious 
manufacture of wooden nutmegs— the original "Conn game." The Senator is no relative of 
his namesake from New York — he is a greater statesman. 

197 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 







et's stiffened th' beard tew." And his jaw so suddenly ex- 
panded into a grin that the barber's razor cut his chin. 

"Thar, naow !" exclaimed the old man, "ther razor ketched 
me thet time ; 'tain't th' fust time a man's got en trouble by 
not holdin' his jaw." 

"Dat's jes whad I thot when dat Sen'tor McLa'rin cum in 
h'yar aftah dat scrap wid Tillman," replied the dusky bar- 
ber as he flourished the razor in dangerous proximity to the 
old man's nose. He had now completed his great task of 
removing the stubble and there was but one more operation 
needed to complete the job. Reaching for the witch-hazel 
bottle he drenched his victim in the peculiar smelling liquid, 
then having, by a vigorous use of the towel, dried his face, 
with a dab of powder on his chin and the tip of his nose, he 
was told to sit up. This gave the old man a chance to look 
around and when he did so he observed that the other chairs 
were empty. 

"Sen'tor, yo'll be lait for de sesshun ef yo' doan hurry," 
remarked one of the other barbers. 

"Wall, I reckon they kin run th' Senit 'thout yer Uncle 
Hank," replied the old man thinking he had detected a 
little joke at his expense. 

"Unkel Hank ! !" exclaimed the barbers in chorus. "Den 
yo' ain't no Sen'tor?" demanded his shaver as he whipped 
the towel off his customer. 

"Never sed I waz !" replied the old man as he drew on 
his coat. "I thought this waz a publik barber shop. Haow 
much dew I owe ye ?" 

198 




REPRESENTATIVK COUSINS, SENATOR CULLOM AND REPRESENTATIVE LITTLEFIELD, LEAVING 

THE CAPITOL. 

199 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Yo' owe nothin' but a' apology, sah !" indignantly replied 
the barber. 

"Durn ef I'll pay sech a high price fer a shave," he ex- 
claimed as he strode from the shop. As he walked down I 
the corridor rubbing his hand over his nicely shaved chin c 
he laughed again and again at the thought of being taken ' 
for a United States Senator in the most exclusive barber 
shop in the country. 



200 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XVI. 



THE PENSION BUILDING. 



1 HAIN'T gwine no furder." 
"Wha's d' mattah wid yo'?" 
'T hain't gwine ter be no voucher." 
"Yo' promis' dat lawyer yo'd vouch fo' me !" 
"Yes, niggah, 1 know I did, but ef yo' cud read dat sine 
yo'd see why I kain't be no voucher." 
"I kin read, niggah." 
"Well, read dat sine, den." 
'T hain't got mah glasses." 

"Niggah, you kain't read, dat's a fac' ; else yo' read on 
dat sine P-E-N-S-I-O-N— penshun, V-O-U-C-H-E-R-S— 
vouchers, E-X-E-C-U-T-E-D, ex'cuted ! Heah dat, nig- 
gah? Penshun, vouchers, ex'cuted! I hain't gwine t' run 
no risk bein' ex'cuted fo' bein' a voucher fo' dat measly 
penshun." 

The speakers were two picturesque specimens of sable 
humanity standing in front of a Pension Agent's window. 
in which hung suspended a large sign with the announce- 
ment as deciphered by the more learned of the pair. 

While this animated debate was in progress Uncle Hank 
turned the corner of the block or his way to the Pension 

201 








'^W.'niE.R.5.'^-^-'^^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

building. As he approached the disputants they instinct 
ively appealed to him for information respecting the omi 
nous sign. 

"Marsa," exclaimed the elder of the pair, bowing -very 
low, with his old, tattered hat in his hand, "kin ye tole us 
what dat sine means?" 

"Why, sartinly," replied Uncle Hank, taking in the situa- 
tion at a glance. "Et means thet they'll hang ye ef ye don't 
tell th' truth when ye 'pply fer a penshun." 

The two old darkies looked significantly at one another 
for a minute, then the elder, after scratching the bald spot 
on his head, blurted out : 

'To' de Lawd, I done told no lies 1" 

"'Stonishin' what simple minded folks them colored people j 
air," soliloquized the old man as he walked along to the big 
brick structure known as the Pension building. 

Soon he came to the park adjoining, ihrough which were 
passing groups of war veterans. It is easy to tell the vet- 
eran of a war. He never fails to display some insignia of his 
service in bygone days, be it an army blouse, an army hat, 
or a button. 

"Beats all how good fat penshuns perlongs life," ex- ^ 
claimed the old man on observing the remarkable number of 
old men issuing from the building in the distance. "Et 
beats life insoorance. Reminds me ov what Si Progitt, th' 
postmaster up aour way sed tew th' agent thet insoored hiz 
life. Sez he, 'Naow, I'll bet I'll live fifty years ! ye kain't git 
th' best ov them life insoorance cumpanies, by ginger!"* j 

203 




THE PEN 
"Nothin'll perloDg 



PENSION BUILDING, 
sojer's life like a good fat 

203 



pen.^hun 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^^OnES (vn.C.V^'^' 



And he chuckled to himself at the memory of the humorous 
episode. 

As he entered the enormous structure he took a keen sur- 
vey of its spacious interior, then walking over to the center 
of the vast court he closely inspected one of the eight colos- 
sal columns which form the most conspicuous feature of the 
great building. Turning to an attendant standing near he 
questioned him in regard to the history of the building. 

"A lot of fun has been poked at this building," said the 
attendant, who was palpably an old soldier, and who was 
very accommodating in the matter of giving information, 
"but it is a grand old structure. It is the largest brick 
building in the world, and those columns have no equal in 
the world's architecture — they are seventy-five feet high 
and eight feet in diameter and contain fifty-six thousand 
bricks each." 

"Whew !" exclaimed the old man at this recital, "they must 
hev thot them penshuners waz never goin' tew die when 
they built sech a substantial Imildin"." 

"Twenty thousand people assemble here on the night of 
the Inaugural Ball," continued the attendant without notic- 
ing his comment. 

"Et's a great dance en a barn," remarked the old man. 

"In a barn?" inquiringly asked the attendant in a some- 
what puzzled manner. 

"Yas," replied the Yankee, laughing, "they call et Gin- 
eral Meigs' barn." 

'■'Well, sir, it's a noble edifice, devoted to a noble purpose, 

204 




The most impor^anl" Fhind on 
top o[ [he earfh h Senator 
FRANCIS M.COCKRELLofMfss- 
ouri is Ihe World's Fair now bemd 
construcl-ed at SLLouis. This 
is lobe [he greatest Fair in hist- 
ory, and a Cockerel'is justified 
in rrqwing over it. In submifh'n^ 
the plan ot the ^rpat"fair[ottip judoe 
mentof P/1R)5, the Senator is wise, 
5en.PAR15 GIBSON hein^cof^ 
PdcirTPxpert in suchinatlers. 



205 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




sir," and the soldierly attendant drew himself up to his full 
height with a slight show of indignation that "the haven of 
the old soldier" should be spoken of with such seeming 
levity. 

"He's kinder crotchety abaout et," cried the old man as the 
attendant walked oft'. 'T reckon he wouldn't hev bin so 
high strung ef he'd know'd thet yer Uncle Hank bed bin all 
thru th' War — en never 'pplied fer a penshun nuther." 
And the old man stift'ened up as he looked about. 

Undaunted, how^ever, he soon tackled another attendant 
for more information respecting the great bureau. 

"What d'ye keep en them pigeon holes?" inc[uired he of an 
officer standing by. 

"Those are the repositories of hundreds of thousands of 
documents relating to pensions," replied the ofificer politely. 
"So perfect is the system that within five minutes after in- 
quiry the entire record of a pension case may be ascertained." 

As Uncle Hank cast his eye along the long rows of cab- 
inets he remarked that the delay in securing pensions was 
not due to any delay in this part of the governmental 
machinery. 

Thinking he could get a better view of the interior by 
ascending to the galleries he proceeded to the stairway, 
which, he noticed as he climbed, was constructed entirely of 
brick. As he reached the top tier of galleries which com- 
pletely surround the interior of the building, he was much 
impressed by the magnitude of the vast court with its lofty 
i-oof of "ron and ground glass. 

206 




EUGENE FITCH WARE, Commissioner of Pensions, is a poet, but this should not be held 
to his detriment, as he maljes a very efP.cicnt Pension Commissioner notwithstanding. 
Under the nom de p:ume of "Ironquill," he has composed some very fetching poems, 
one of the most beautiful of which is entitled, "He'll never be broke while his Mother 
draws her Pension." 

207 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 







"Et's like a bit ov aout-o'-doors 'tween four walls," he 
exclaimed as he surveyed the scene. 

It was the noon hour, and hundreds of clerks were hur- 
rying towards the eastern end of the court, where several 
long tables were standing spread with a miscellaneous vari- 
ety of sandwiches, pies, cakes, fruit, etc., which formed the 
staple much of the employees of the building. Those who 
boarded near by (everybody seems to "board" in Washing- 
ton) hurriedly left the building, as Uncle Sam is a strict 
disciplinarian and punishes severely all infractions of rules 
in his "Departments ;" consequently they know that being 
"late" in returning from lunch means a fine for the culprit. 

There are two thousand clerks employed in this building, 
and many an armless sleeve worn by an old soldier is among 
the lot. 

Uncle Hank made a tour of the galleries, examining 
everything of interest as he went along. Finally, coming to 
an old man leaning on a pair of crutches, he stopped to look 
down on the rows upon rows of cabinets below. 

"Those cabinets contain the records of thousands of deeds 
of heroism," remarked the old man, who was evidently an 
old soldier. 

"En they also contain thousan's ov argyments ag'in war," 
replied the Yankee, philosophically. 



208 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XVH. 



INVENTION S HOME 



€F necessity's th' mother ov envenshun, then th' daddy 
must Hve en th' United States, en th' Patent Offis 
ez ther cradle ; en jedgin' by the number ov chil- 
dren en th' cradle th' pair must be runnin' en in- 
coobator on full time en' over!" Thus spoke Uncle Hank 
as he surveyed the wonderful collection of models displayed 
m the Patent Office. 

Uncle Sam's Patent Office is indeed a cradle of inven- 
tion, offering- as it does the fullest protection to the offspring 
of the inventor's brain. In granting an application our 
government undertakes to be the protector of the inventor, 
and before granting "letters patent/' ascertains for him 
whether his invention is absolutely new, thus establishing 
his right to priority. If his application is granted he can 
be reasonably sure of having acquired rights which can be 
sustained in the courts. European nations do not render 
any such service to their inventors. Their patent offices 
only record inventions, issuing certificates for patents. The 
government does not lend its assistance to the inventor to 
ascertam his right of priority, as does the United States. 
Many American inventors, not knowing foreign patent 

209 








IL.L. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

laws, make haste to take out patents in Europe, and when 
their cercificates reach them fondly imagine that they are 
fully as well protected as under the American system, when 
the fact is, instead of a foreign patent certificate heing a 
protection it is frequently a source of danger, as unscrupu- 
lous men seize upon all new ideas of evident value and re- 
patent them. 

Uncle Sam's patent is a very diiTerent afi:'air, heing to all 
intents and purposes a warranty deed to the inventor who 
can feel secure that his ideas are not pirated from him and 
incorporated in a later patent, and that he will not be under 
the necessity of prosecuting expensive law suits to prove 
title to his own property. 

As a result of this perfect system the Patent Office Build- 
ing is a bewildering maze of patented devices. It would 
seem from a cursory examination of the thousands upon 
thousands of models exhibited in this building that the field 
of invention w^as well-nigh exhausted and that there was 
nothing left to i-jatent. but the stream seems to be inex- 
haustible. 

The rows of glass covered cases containing the more valu- 
able models proved a source of infinite delight to Uncle 
Hank, who being a true Yankee was himself ingeniously 
inclined and ever ready to admire the inventive efiforts of 
others. 

''Thar's millyuns en et !" he ejaculated half aloud to him- 
self as he gazed long and curiously at a small model about 
four and one-half inches in length. The small insignificant 

210 




WASHINGTON' CURIOSITY. 
' There goes Senator Elkins!' 

311 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




looking object that excited this remark was the original 
model of the Bell Telephone, which was patented by Alex- 
ander Graham Bell, 1876. "Yas, ther's millyims en thet 
leetle telephone," he continued, "but 'tain't often th' en- 
ventor gits th' millyuns though." 

Walking over to another glass enclosed case he stopped 
to examine the original model of the famous Whitney Cot- 
ton Gin which an affixed card announced as having been 
patented in 1794. 

"Naow, thar's a leetle envenshun thet didn't make so many 
dollars fer et's enventor, but et's jest ez valooable — P'raps 
cos 'twan't th' right kind ov gin," remarked the old man 
addressing an attendant standing by. 

"Gin mills as a rule are very profitable," laughingly re- 
plied the official, who took great pleasure in showing the 
many curious exhibits among the models. 

'Tf you will come with me," he continued. 'T will show 
you our greatest fighters." Then proceeding to two con- 
spicuous cases he directed the old man's attention to the 
famous combatants, the National Cash Register and the 
Hallwood Register. 

"Wall, they don't look quarrelsum en thar," said the old 
man whose face showed something of disappointmnet as he 
evidently expected to see a model of Jeffries, Fitzsimmons, 
Tillman or Bailey after such an announcement. 

"There has been more litigation over those Cash Registers 
than any other patent that has been granted for many 
years." 

212 



SENATOR CHARLES W. FAIRBANKS of 
IndiaBa, is known familiarly as the Fair 
banks o£ the Wabash. The Senator is a 
tall man from a State distinguished for 
such tall timber as Ben Hur Wallace, 
Monsieur Beaucaire Tarkington and 
others, including the answer to the fa- 
mous query— Hoosier (whose yer?) Poet— 
Riley. 




213 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Anythin" consarnin" cash ez liable tew cause a ruction 
any time," rejoined the old man with a grin. 

After showing him the original Elias Howe Sewing Ma- 
chine and the McCormick Reaper the pair proceeded to make 
a tour of the galleries. 

"This building contains upward of four hundred thou- 
sand patented articles," continued the accommodating at- 
tendant as they walked along, "and they accumulate so 
rapidly that it has become a serious question as to the best 
means of storing them." 

"En what a lot ov thinkin' et must hev took tew prodooce 
sech a lot ov idees," replied the old man thoughtfully. 

"And there seems to be no limit to the range of inventive 
fancy. Here is a human hand, submitted as a model to 
secure a patent for an embalming process in i860," con- 
tinued the guide, opening one of the cases and handing 
Uncle Hank a perfectly preserved anatomical specimen 
which he examined with great curiosity. 

"When th' Angel Gabriel blows his trumpet on th' last 
(day this hand'll hev a great advantage over ets mate," dryly 
■emarked the old man. 

"This was deposited here in 1875," continued the attend- 
ant, as he placed a large ham in the old man's hands. "As 
/ou can plainly see it is perfectly preserved." 

"Ye hevn't got no eggs tew go with et, hev ye?" 

"No ; inventive genius hasn't reached that stage yet, 
aughingly replied the attendant. 



214 




HERR VON HOLLEBEN, Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary from Germany, in a grand 
tableau entitled "Under Two Flags," is very mu ;h attached to the flag in his right hand. Since the 
termination of the Spanish-American War l.o sings "Die Wacht am Rhein" to the tune of the "Star- 
Spangled Banner" on all public occasions. 

215 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




\9. Q) ."t^Uttlf. 



f*\. 



"Et th" rate th' envenshuns ez piliii' en ye soon will," said 
the old man as his eye swept the galleries. 

"There seems to be no end to the stream of ideas that 
flow in here," pursued the attendant. "Over twenty-five 
thousand patents were issued last year. During the Civil 
War the number of patents fell off materially, but immedi- 
ately after, wdien the volunteer troops had returned to their 
homes, a remarkable fertility of invention was displayed. 
The dull routine of camp life seemed to develop the ideas 
of the soldiers, and as soon as home w^as reached these 
ideas were put into models and sent to the Patent Office. 
In 1865 the number of patents issued was six thousand six 
hundred and twenty-six, while in 1867 it had increased to 
thirteen thousand one hundred and twenty-five. The Cen- 
tennial Exhibition also seemed to stimulate inventive genius; 
the number of patents granted during 1876 \vas seventeen 
thousand and twenty-five, the highest yet attained. The 
coming year, however, promises to eclipse all records." 

"Thet's strange tew when ye cum tew consider et. These 
air prosperous times en th' wail ov necessity ain't hearn 
thruaout th' land," remarked Uncle Hank. 

"What's that got to do with it?" sharply demanded the 
attendant. 

"Necessity's th' mother ov envenslmn, hain't she?" 

"Oh," laughingly rejoined the attendant, "old mother 
Necessity is always with us, only you are not apt to hear her 
vvail durinsT eood times." 



21G 




SENATOR THOMAS MACDONALD PATTERSON, of Colorado, and SENATOR JOSEPH CLAY 
STILES BLACKBCRX, of Kentucky, are two Democratic statesmen who stand together on 
all public questisns. Senator Patterson is a fighter by birth: having been born in Ireland, 
the land where all the good fighters come from. Senator Blackburn is not, (as might be 
inferred by his name) in favor of burning b'aeks, but is a true-blue grass statesman. 

5^17 




^ULZPR, n-C^*-"*- 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

''En I s'pose enventors envent becos they must, jest ez 
artists paint en poets "rite." 

"Yes, the creative impulse must be satisfied," continued 
the official. "There are many inventors known to the Patent 
Office accountants who develop ideas with marked regularity 
every year, but never take the trouble to introduce them to 
the public. The Patent Office is burdened with inventions 
that have never got further than the model room." 

"Like en old hen leavin" her nest afore th' eggs ez hatched 
aout," suggested the old man. 

The official laughed at the homely illustration as he con- 
tinued. 

"These inventors," he said, "are not usually so dilatory. 
We frequently have applicants who never rest until their 
claims are passed upon and their patents are secured." 

'T s'pose ye hear all sorts ov stories abaout th' profits ov 
enventors?" inquired the old man who was getting tired of 
dry detail. 

"Oh, yes," replied the obliging official who seemed to be 
as full of information as an encyclopedia is of facts, "the 
rubber tip on lead-pencils is said to have yielded the inventor 
a big fortune, and the man that devised the gimlet-pointed 
screw is reported to have cleared one million dollars for the 
company that manufactured it : yet he was so poor that he 
was compelled to walk from Philadelphia to Washington 
to secure his patent." 

"En et wouldn't hev bin so hard ef he bed met th' enventor 



218 




SENATORS DEPEW AND LODGE OX THEIR WAY TO THE CAPITOL. 
210 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




'^a^ 



^^^ Vx^ ^.f 



ov th' roller-skate on his way," interposed the old man with; 
a smile. i 

"The roller-skate man had troubles of his own," replied! 
the guide. "After he had spent a long time in perfecting 
his idea it cost him one hundred and twenty-five thousand 
dollars in England to defend his claim from pirates, but he 
eventually cleared over a million dollars. There is a great 
amount of gossip around the Patent Office in regard to the 
amount of money made in small patented articles ; for in- i 
stance, the toy called the returning-ball, a small wooden ball 
attached to an elastic string, is reported to have netted fifty 
thousand dollars to its deviser. Another toy, the Dancing 
Jim Crow, is reputed to have cleared eighty thousand dol- 
lars, and the spring-roller for window shades yields over 
one hundred thousand dollars a year, while the copper tip 
for children's shoes is credited with a profit of two million 
dollars anci the drive-well struck a gold mine containing 
three million dollars. 

"These are only a few examples of great profits accruing 
from small ideas." 

"Them's th' successes — haow abaout th' failures?" inter- 
rogated the old man. 

"About one invention in twenty-five is counted a success," 
answered the guide. 

Uncle Hank now directed his attention to the dififerent 
departments engaged in classifying and recording applica- 
tions for patents. 

"Et takes a powerful sight ov book-keepin' tew keep track | 

220 




'■.#■ 






^v?^ 
• /.<^. 



CONGRESSMAN JOHN DALZELL, OP PENNSYLVANIA. 
A Sketch from Life. 

221 




NtB. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

ov all th' idees that's hatched aout en this wonderful coun- 
try," he mused, as he contemplated the busy clerks filing 
voluminous papers, making entries in bulky registers, and 
classifying applications. 

"An application passes through the hands of fifty-four per- 
sons in the course of its progress through the ofiice," re- 
plied the official, "and the applicant pays for this service 
fifteen dollars to have a claim examined, and when a patent 
is granted an additional fee of twenty dollars is required." 

"Haow about th' lawyer's fee?" inquired the old man. 

"An inventor is not required to employ an attorney, but 
probably nine out of ten do." responded the official. "In 
simple cases where there is no infringement on prior claims, 
an applicant can almost as well deal direct with the govern- 
ment, for every facility is offered to the ambitious inven- 
tor by the perfect system employed in examining and record- 
ing ideas." 

"Haow long does a patent run?" queried the inquisitive 
Yankee, thirsty for information. 

"Seventeen years," replied he. "Extensions are now sel- 
dom granted, and only by special acts of Congress, when it 
can be shown that an adequate money return has been impos- 
sible." 

Uncle Hank was intensely interested in all the information 
the accommodating official had to iiupart, and when he de- 
parted from the building he thanked him profuselv. As he 
passed down the long fligh.t of granite steps leading to the 
building he encountered a wild-eyed individual with long 

222 




■IT'S THE ONLY PERFECT PEUPETUAL MOTION' MACHINE EVER DEVISED. 

223 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




'^^^M^^^^.C. 



flowing locks of hair that fell about the collar of his thread- 
bare coat. In his hand he held a large sheet of crumpled 
paper, on which he intently gazed, examining minutely the 
diagram depicted thereon. As the old man approached he 
evinced a desire to enter into conversation. 

"It's an outrage !" he exclaimed. "Here I have the 
most wonderful device ever conceived by man, and they re- 
fuse to entertain its claim." 

"What's et fer?" exclaimed the old man, examining the 
chart curiously. 

"It is the only perfect Perpetual Motion Machine ever 
devised," he said. And then followed a confused technical 
description of its complex mechanism which was all Greek 
to Uncle Hank. 

After listening patiently to the description of this won- 
derful machine, nodding affirmatively at intervals to indi- 
cate his acquiescence in its inventor's claims, he remarked : 

"Ef ye'll jest run a concentrick journal with a leever 
ettachmint geered up tew receeve a belt runnin' tew th' jaw 
ov a life ensoorance agint jist tacklin' his first victim, ye'll 
git nearer tew accomplishin' perpetooal moshun then any- 
thin' I kin think ov." And the old man looked over the rims 
li his spectacles at the plan held in the inventor's hands. 

But a look of disgust as he folded up his precious plan 
choked off all further negotiations on the part of Uncle 
Hank to perfect the invention of the "Jack o' Lantern" of 
nventors — the Perpetual Motion Machine. 



224 



AROUND THE CAPITAL 



CHAPTER XVHI. 



UNCLE SAM S MONEY FACTORY. 



• J ■ S Uncle Hank was striding along through the Mall 
maM on his way to the Bureau of Engraving and Print- 
m ■ ing, he encountered an old colored man closely ex- 
amining a tattered piece of paper on which there 
, had once been some writing done in lead pencil, but which 
^ was now almost entirely undecipherable. First he would 
turn it one way and then upside down apparently. Finally, 
as Uncle Hank approached, he deferentially touched his 
j hand to his hat as he exclaimed : "Marsa, k'n I ax yo' a 
questshun ?" 

"Sartinly ye kin, what ez et?" responded the Yankee in 
the most agreeable manner. 

! "Well, den, whar's dat Senseless Burow ob 'gravin'?" he 
inquired, in the tone of one who had tried to guess a par- 
^ticularly hard conundrum and given it up. 

"Wall, naow ye hev me," replied the old man. somewhat 
nonplused ot this double-barrelled querv. "Ef ye kin de- 
|tarmin' whether ye want tew go tew th' Census Burow, er 
ye want tew go tew th' Burow ov Tngravin", I reckon I kin 
direct ye, but tew send ye tew diff'rent places far apart — 
ye've got me stumped." 
I 225 








■^■^'NOR w.c ^^'>^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

'"Dat's a fac', Boss !" exclaimed the old darky, as he per- 
ceived the truth of Uncle Hank's remark. "Yo' kain't go 
to two diff'rent plaices at de same time, nohow." 

"Wall, et's sech a dern sens'less questshun thet I guess 
I'll send ye tew th' Sens'less Burow fust, an' then ef ye find 
thet hain't th' right place, ye kin hop over tew t'other." 
And he directed the puzzled old darky to the Census 
Bureau, and then proceeded on his way. 

"Them Burows, en Institoots, en Departmints ez puzzlin' 
sumtimes en et's hard tew keep track ov 'em," he mused to 
himself as he walked along. 

"En thar's Unkel Sam's Money Fact'ry whar he many- 
factur's th' root ov all evil," he continued as he approached 
the Bureau of Engraving and Printing. 

As he ascended the steps leading to the entrance of the 
building he nodded familiarly to an official standing at the 
door to whom he directed his request to be allowed to in- 
spect the interior of the "Money Factory." as he termed it. 

As is usually the case in all the public buildings in Wash- 
ington, there was a partv waiting to be shown about the \ 
structure. ! 

"Yes, we show you how to make money here," replied the i 
official to the old man's facetious query, then turning to the j 
young lady who was to guide the party through the build- 
ing, he said : 

"This gentleman wishes to know all about the making of 
monev — afford him every facility for learning the art, and 
then furnish the secret service bureau with a perfect descrip- 

226 




SENATOR PETER CONNELLY PRITCHARD, who is about to gracefully retire from tlie list 
of senatorial warriors, has proven himself a worthy successor to North Carolina's most 
famous Senator, Zeb. Vance. 

It will be observed that SENATOR SIMMONS is directing Uncle Sam's attention to candidates, 
from any one of whose shoulders the toga would fall with exceptional grace. 



22 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

tion of him, together with as good a snap-shot photograph 
as you can get of his suspicious looking countenance." As 
the official got off this little pleasantry at Uncle Hank's ex- 
pense he grinned broadly. 

But the old man took this bit of raillery good-humoredly ; 
he was always ready to appreciate a joke, be it at his own 
expense or not. 

"There are twenty-eight hundred employees in this build- 
ing, two-thirds of whom are women," began the guide as 
a preliminary. This guide, by the way, was a very pretty 
young lady who, when she smiled, as she frequently did, 
showed a gleam of perfect teeth. 

"This room," she continued with a wave of the hand over 
tlie room the party had just entered, "contains five hundred 
employees engaged in the printing of the notes." 

The large, spacious room seemed a perfect forest of hand- 
presses. The operation of printing seemed to be very sim- 
ple. A printer stood on one side of the press with a small 
hand-roller covered with a black, sticky looking ink, which 
he rolled thoroughly over the steel plate lying in the bed of 
his i')ress, then he would wipe off all the surplus ink with 
a cloth, completing the operation finally with his bare arm, 
which he dexterously used to remove the smallest particles 
of unnecessary ink remaining on the plate. Opoosite to 
him, on the other side of the press, stood a young girl hold- 
ing a thoroughly dampened sheet of paper which she care- 
fully placed on the now ready plate. With a quick move- 
ment the printer adjusted the tympan or cover, ana with a 

228 




WHEN SEN. JOSEPH B. FORAKER RISES TO SPEAK IN THE SENATE CHAMBER. HIS COLLEAGUE, 
SENATOR HANNA, SJIILES UNTIL SOME SARCASTIC FLING IS AIMED AT HIM— AND THEN— HE 
CONTINUES TO SMILE 

229 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

turn of the plate was run through the press and the printed 
sheet closely inspected by the girl while the printer pre- 
pared the plate for another impression. 

"These printers are expert in their work and get from six 
to ten dollars a day," explained the guide. 
"Et's good pay," remarks the old man. 
"You see, it is very difficult work," said the guide. "The 
printer has to perfectly remove all the surplus ink with his 
bare arm and the palm of his hand; and if this is not done 
accurately, too much or too little ink will be left in the en- 
graved lines and a spoiled impression will be the result." 
"Then et's all en th' touch?" remarked Uncle Hank. 
"Precisely," responded the guide with a smile. 
"Thet's th' fust touch th' notes git — but I reckon 'tain't th' 
last," rejoined the old man with a wink. 

"The silk-fibred paper used in the printing of these 
notes," continued the young lady, "is made at the Crane 
Mills at Dalton, Massachusetts, and is a closely guarded 
trade secret, and the law forbids any one to have such paper 
in their possession. It is received at the Bureau in packages 
containing one thousand sheets each, and to each of these 
pressmen, one package is given at a time. 

"I notis ye hev sum pretty gals w^orkin' en this depart- 
mint," remarked Uncle Hank. 

"Handsome is as handsome does. — the notes turned out 
here are considered the handsomest in the world." replied 
the young lady as she now directed the party to another 



230 




SENATOR DEPEWS SMILE IS CONTAGIOUS. 

231 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




>V.C.tiOVERlNG.?X.f- 



room, where the numhering machines were automatically 
printing numbers on the notes. 

''There are fourteen departments in this Bureau," ex- 
plained she, "and each piece of work passes through the 
hands of thirty different people. A perfect system of re- 
ceipting and checking is in vogue, and at the close of the 
day everything is delivered into the hands of the officials 
of the Bureau, and every count is verified before the em- 
ployees are allowed to leave the building. 

"This place reminds me ov one ov th' courts ov EuropV' 
exclaimed the old man. 

"How so?" inquired the guide. 

"Ye hev so many Caounts," said he. 

"But our 'counts' as a rule are more reliable," retorted the 
guide. 

"Ye hev'n't showed us haow they ingrave th' plates yit," 
suggested the inquisitive Yankee. 

"The engraving room is never shown to visitors. The 
utmost care is taken to guard against the loss of the plates; 
they are closely watched day and night. The original plate 
itself is never used in printing, a transfer is made to another 
plate of softened steel, which is afterward hardened and 
printed from. This is done to guard against the possibility 
of accident to the original plate." When the guide com- 
pleted this little lecture she conducted the party to a glass 
case, which contained a sample plate and roller used to make 
a transfer from an original to a replica, from which the 
notes are printed. And this ended the tour. 

232 




A GROUP OF FOREIGN MINISTERS. 

233 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Wall, this money fact'ry ez a great institooshun," re- 
marked Uncle Hank as he left the building. "En et's a heap 
sight more pertickler work printin' them notes then I 
thought et waz — et kinder brings tew mind th' words ov 
Bobby Burns : 

" 'A chicl's aniaiig yon takin notes, 
And, faith, he'll prent it!'" 

"Not eggxactly th' same kind ov notes — en what's more 
ef thet chap bed bin caught takin' notes en th' Burow ov 
Ingravin' en Printin' I reckon 'twouldn't be long afore he 
waz behind th' bars." And the old man chuckled at the 
idea. 



234 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XIX. 



THE TREASURY BUILDING. 



UNKEL SAM'S got a fine biiildm' fer his Treasury," 
exclaimed Uncle Hank to an elderly gentleman 
who stood on the corner of Pennsylvania Avenue 
and Fifteenth Street, his head bent down apparent- 
ly in deep thought. 

"Yes," replied he without looking up, "but not too fine 
for the purpose intended. That building, sir, contains the 
heart of the Republic ; its veins and arteries extend to every 
part of the body politic, and if you interfere in the slightest 
with its perfect action you are liable to paralyze the entire 
system." 

The speaker was a spare man with shoulders rounded, 
and form bent as if it had for years sustained a load too 
heavy for its slight frame to sustain. 

'T don't know but what yer abaout right," replied the 
Yankee, meaning to sound this apparently well-informed in- 
dividual with the object of ascertaining some particulars of 
the Iniilding he was about to inspect. 

"The Treasury Department is a complicated system that 
is liable to get out of order very easily, and when it does 
there arc always quacks ready with remedies for its relief." 

235 




^/^xJ^lL^^uc. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^■^■^OU/OAY/A.C^^'^- 



''Et's dangerous tew fool with quacks," ventured Uncle 
Hank as a suggestion. 

"Well, it's enjoying remarkably good health just now, and 
I trust the financial charlatans will remain in seclusion." 

"Th' pulse ez beatin' reg'ler en Wall Street," suggested 
the old man. 

"Which is an indication that the system is in good con- 
dition," retorted his companion with asperity. 

"En th' Trusts ez payin' ther dividends reg'ler?" pursued 
the old man with a chuckle. 

"I believe so," was the reply. 

"En th' American Eagle ez screamin' with delight et th' 
good times he's hevin' — even ef his corn ez cornered once 
en a while." 

"Good times invariably induce wild speculation," was the 
answer. 

"Th' Treasury's full ?" interrogated the old man. 

"Never so full as now," assented the stranger. 

"En th' Cubean sugar tariiT en all t'other tariffs'll make 
et fuller?" still further inquired Uncle Hank. 

"\*es, I believe that will be the tendency," was the reply. 

"Wall — right here I'd like tew remark thet yer Unkel 
Sam'll git so full-blooded thet he'll be en danger ov a 
stroke ov apperplexy, ef he don't look aout." And the old 
man grinned broadly as he gazed over the rims of his spec- 
tacles at his companion, who, without replying, suddenly re- 
membered he had an important engagement to fill and has- 
tened towards the entrance of the big building. 

230 




LESLIE M. SHAW, Secretary of the Treasury, is from "loway," the Hawkeye State, which 
probably accounts for the sharp eye he keeps on the Treasury Building where he is 
known as a strict disciplinarian. It is said that the Shah of Persia is no greater 
autocrat in his dominions than is this Shaw in the United States Treasury. 

237 




(JCONN, M.C 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

'T guess thet waz a clincher," chuckled the old man to 
himself on observing the departure of the stranger. 

"Do you know who that gentleman was, you've just been 
talking to?" inquired a policeman who had stood within ear- 
shot and had been much entertained by the conversation. 

"1 don't reckon ez I do," replied the old man. 

"That was Secretary Shaw." 

"Oh, pshaw! I want tew kno' !'' and the old man's 
eyebrows elevated as he directed his steps towards the big 
building he had come to inspect. 

It was about eleven o'clock in the morning and groups of 
tourists were beginning to arrive. As they ascended the 
granite steps they were directed to take seats on the settees 
in the corridor to await the arrival of a guide, who would 
take them through the building on a tour of inspection. 

Uncle Hank joined one of these parties and soon was on 
intimate terms with the escort. 

This guide was a colored man with a most accommodat- 
ing air who had learned all the particulars of the Treasury 
building by heart and then reeled them off to the successive 
parties of sight-seers, whom it was his duty to show around. 

The tour usually starts at the big vaults in what might 
be termed the basement of the building. 

"Dese h'yar vaults contains eight hundred en sixty-seben 
millyuns ob dollahs !" explained the guide with a wave of 
the hand in the direction of a row of substantial looking 
stone vaults. The money, however, was not in sight; the 



238 




'ET'S A PILE OV WEALTH THET'S STORED EN THAR— BUT ROCKYFELLER'S GOT MORE. 

239 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^"^^lAj^ y^.(^(><Xu*y 



' C^jlJ^ 



T 



oniv evidence of anything valuable was the sight of some 
silver bullion being transferred from one vault to another. 

"Et's a pile ov wealth thet's stored en thar — but Rocky- 
feller's got more," remarked Uncle Hank. 

The colored guide looked incredulous. 

''Dese yar gurls am countin' an' errangin' notes after dey 
has de seals printed on em by dat press yo' sees ober dar in 
de corner." As he spoke he halted the party before a 
closely grated door. Through the grating could be seen 
great quantities of bank notes which were being counted 
with marvelous dexterity. 

"Et looks ez ef everyone waz behind bars en jail," re- 
marked the old man as he pointed to the iron barred doors 
and windows that lined the corridor. 

"Dem bars ez tu keep vistahs out, sah," retorted the guide, 
and a laugh followed at Uncle Hank's expense. 

The macerator was the next thing to attract attention, to 
the room containing which the party was now conducted by 
the guide. This machine for the destruction of mutilated 
currency consists of a huge spherical receptacle of steel, 
containing water and fitted interiorly with one hundred and 
fifty-six keen edged knives, wdiich as they revolve cut the 
enclosed notes into exceedingly minute particles. The lid 
is securely fastened with strong locks, each with an indi- 
vidual key, one of which is held by the Secretary, one by the 
Treasurer, and the third by the Controller of the Currency. 
Every day at one o'clock deputies of these officials with a 
fourth one appointed by the Secretary to represent the banks 

240 




THE MACERATOR. 
•Dust Tew Dust— en Pulp Tew Pulp. 

241 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

and the people meet at the macerator to deposit the money 
to be destroyed. Each lock is opened by its respective key- 
holder, the cover is raised and the various packages of cur- 
rency are thrust in. The cover is then securely fastened 
down and as the multitude of knives revolve the work of 
destruction begins. When this is finally accomplished the 
committee unlocks a valve, the liquid pulp flows out, is then 
screened into a pit below and transferred to the Bureau 
of Engraving and Printing to be rolled out into sheets. 
This is afterward sold for forty dollars per ton. 

The capacity of the macerator is over one ton of pulp, but 
it is rarely put to this test ; the largest amount ever de- 
stroyed at one operation was in 1894, when one hundred 
and fifty-one million dollars was rendered into pulp. 

The colored guide described, in his sing-song dialect, a 
few of the foregoing facts concerning the macerator, and 
when he had concluded Uncle Hank remarked : 

"Et's a verificasliun ov th' scriptchurl enjunctshun — 'Dust 
tew dust' — pulp tew pulp— don't ye see?" 

As the party passed along the corridor the guide explained 
that one of the doors of the vault containing the silver coin 
is a solid sliding door of six tons' weight. Another has a 
ton lock, which is wound up every afternoon at two o'clock, 
when the vault cannot be opened until eleven o'clock die 
I'ext day, the time set. 

"Ladies an' gemmen, dis am de Bon' \^ault," explained the 
guide, as the party ranged up before the wire screen, 
through which could be seen the large steel vault containing 

242 




SENATOR GEORGE CLEMENT PERKINS and SENATOR EUGENE HALE, two sons of Maine, stand 
very close together on all public questions. The former having hied to California in his younger 
days is at present her senior Senator and her chief hope for Presidential honors. Senator Hale has 
thrashed the Democrats so often in Maine that three colleges have conferred the degree of L.L.D. 
upon him, which, being liberally interpreted. m?ans, "Lay-Low-Democrats!" 

243 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^.-t/S^ 






Oy^t /vl.C. 



the United States Bonds deposited by the five thousand Na- 
tional Banks of the country to secure their circulation. 

"Dis yere Bon' Vault contains two hundred an' fifty ni.-ll- 
yuns ob dollahs," cried the ebony guide, rolling the words 
over his tongue like a rich morsel. "Dat small pahsel dar," 
continued he, pointing to a small package placed temptingly 
just beyond reach, "contains foah millyun dollahs." 

This package of bonds belonged to one of the National 
Banks of New York. It was deposited in accordance with 
the law that requires a national bank to deposit twenty-five 
per cent, of its capital in United States bonds with the 
Treasury. 

"Thet shows haow th' banks make money — fust they draw 
irit'rest on them bonds, en then they loan aout th' notes et 
a good rate ov int'rest, tew. By crackee, et seems like ez 
haow et ought tew be a good biz'ness." 

''Dis am de cash room whar de notes am passed out fo 
circelashun," warbled the guide, as the party entered a large, 
handsome apartment on the main floor, walled with varie- 
gated marble and surrounded with a public gallery. Here, 
again, was the tantalizing wire screen that separated the 
visitors from the tempting packages of beautiful new bank 
rotes that seemed to lie about in riotous confusion. 

Tlie guide now took leave of the party, allowing its mem- | 
hers to wander at will over the big building, examining its j 
seemingly endless array of ofifices, of which there are two 
hundred on each floor. 

The Treasury Building is a most imposing structure, con- 

244 




A.CLATIMER 



T.H.BALL.N.C 
TEX 



SOME SOUTHERN MEMBERS OF CONGRESS. 

245 



AROUXD THE CAPITAL. 

structed after the style of the Temple of J\Iinerva at Athens. 
Its colonnade of thirty-eight Ionic columns, fronting on 
Fifteenth Street, gives it an appearance of enduring so- 
lidity that is not equalled by any other public building in 
Washington, save that of the Capitol itself. 

As Uncle Hank departed from the building he noticed in 
a large lunch room opposite, a number of girls eating their 
frugal noon-day lunch, whom he had witnessed a few min- 
utes before handling millions of dollars of Uncle Sam's cash. 

"Et must be quite a drop frum hevin' millyuns en yer 
possesshun, tew git daown tew eatin' a fifteen-cent lunch," 
exclaimed he as he requested the waiter to bring him "some 
beans — Bostin style, please?" 



246 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XX. 

STATE, WAR AND NAVY. 

UNCLE SAM has the largest and most pretentious 
ofilice building in the world. Notwithstanding this 
fact, this building, large as it is, is not large 
enough to contain the pugnacious heads of depart- 
ments without friction. 

The corridors are wide and spacious, so wide in fact that 
the Secretary of War and the General of the Army fre- 
quently pass each other without speaking, and on one occa- 
sion the Adjutant General of the Army did not recognize the 
Lieutenant General as he passed by in the spacious vestibule. 
Of course, this sort of thing has been variously miscon- 
strued by evil-minded persons, who have gone so far as to 
suggest that the government should enlarge the building, 
and that this enlargement should take the form of a twenty- 
four-foot ring, such as is used by certain low-lived pugilists 
to settle their disputes. 

There are two miles of corridors and o\er five hundred 
rooms in this colossal building. The granite stairways, 
bronze balusters and entire construction make it entirely 
fire-proof and well calculated to withstand the heated dis- 
putes that frequently break out between the departments. 

247 




^Qi-DFCOLE- ^-''' 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

The Navy Department occupies the east wing, the War 
Department the west wing, and the State Department the 
south. At present General Miles and Admiral Dewey are 
allowed to communicate without restraint with their dif- 
ferent offices throughout the building when the secretaries 
of their respective departments are present. 

The Secretary of State occupies a sumptuous suite of 
offices on the second floor overlooking the park. The Dip- 
lomatic room, a long and stately room assigned to confer- 
ences with representatives of foreign governments, is, per- 
haps, the most interesting, as it contains many attractive fea- 
tures. Fine oil paintings of Henry Clay, Daniel Web- 
ster, Hamilton Fish, and Lord Ashburton and others adorn 
its walls. This room is said to have been arranged by Sec- 
retary Hamilton Fish. 

The State Library is the most entertaining room in this 
department, for it contains a precise fac simile of the Dec- 
laration of Independence, that much neglected document, 
which is slowly disintegrating and fading away, notwith- 
standing the efforts to preserve it by hermetically sealing 
it between heavy plates of glass. 

Here may also be seen the sword of Washington (the 
Father of his country must have had an armory of swords) 
the identical sword he carried through all his campaigns, 
and also the desk on which Jefferson drafted the Declara- 
tion of Independence. 

Another curious exhibit of this room is a copy of the 
Pekin Gazette, the oldest newspaper in the world, having 

2i8 




JOHN HAY, Secretary of 
State and Poet, author of 
"Little Breeches," and a suc- 
cessful mender of little 
breaches in diplomatic rela- 
tions witft foreign govern- 
ments — Private secretary to 
President Lincoln and princi- 
pal secretary to Presidents 
McKinley and Roosevelt. 
Motto— "Make Hay while the 
sun shines." 



249 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




JUS7ICE JOHN H HARLAN 



been issued daily since the eighth century — the original yel- 
low journal. 

Of course, Uncle Hank's inquisitive nature would not 
permit him to overlook this interesting department. As he 
entered the room his eye caught the framed Declaration 
of Independence. 

"Et makes tarnal good readin' noaw-days !" he exclaimed, 
"en I'll swan ef thet portrait ov George th' third hain't 
lookm' right at et — en et seems to make his eyes blink." 
He examined the relics curiously until he came to Frank- 
lin's court dress, buttons and staff. "Old Ben waz very 
diplermatic — when we needed ther help on t'other side." 

This library is a very notable one, fully equal to that of 
Great Britain's in importance. It includes over sixty thou- 
sand books on international law, history, biography and di- 
plomacy. The government has expended vast sums to secure 
the valuable works comprised in this collection. Forty-five 
thousand dollars were paid for the complete papers of 
Washington, which are bound into three hundred and 
thirty-six volumes. Twenty-five thousand dollars was the 
cost of the Madison papers, comprising seventy-five 
volumes. The records and papers of Jefferson, Monroe, 
Hamilton and Franklin, aggregating about two hundred 
and fifty-six volumes, cost over seventy-five thousand dol- 
lars. 

Uncle liank noted the sword of General Andrew Jack- 
fon hanging in a glass case, as he was about to leave the 
room. 

250 




"i^^-S 



GENERAL NELSON A MILES, the intrepid hero of thousands of engagements— with pho- 
tographers, is a man of undoubted courage, facing the enemy unflinchingly whether in- 
trenched in strong fortifications or behind formidable cameras. His desperate encounter 
during the Spanish-A-merican War with the Armour-Clad Beef Ring is remembered as 
one of the notable feats of that sanguinary chapter of American History. 

251 




'^N£.V M.C 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Thet's right!" he exclaimed, "put away th' sords en 
glass cases — thcr relics ov past ages. Whar Gineral Jack- 
son drew his sord, Pierpint Morgan draws his check." 

As he sauntered down the corridor, he occasionally 
stopped to exzimine the contents of the various glass cases 
that he encountered. 

"Thet's haow them revoloo.shunary soljers hed ought tew 
hev looked," he mused, as he looked at some life-size 
figures in hright, continental army uniforms, "but jedgin' 
by sum ov th' duds thet's still presarved en Noo England, 
ov them days, I reckon they wore any old rags they cud 
git holt ov." 

The old man now made his way over to the western 
part of the building, where the War Department is en- 
trenched. Here he inspected the elegant ofifices of the Sec- 
retary of War and his assistant secretaries. 

After spending some time in examining the interestint,^ 
portraits that embellished the walls and admiring the hand- 
so'.ne furniture with which these apartments were fitted up, 
he somewhat listlessly wandered out into the corridor again. 
Not looking particularly where he was going, he collided 
with a rather distinguished looking gentleman, with slight- 
ly gray hair atid rather prominent nose. 

Not wishing to appear rude, he hastily apologized. 

"Ef I hain't mistaken, this ez th' Secretary ov War?" ejac- 
ulated the old man. 

"Quite right — anything I can do for you?" inquired the 
gentleman, in a cheery tone. 

252 




SEC. OF WAR, ELIHU ROOT, 
one of the greatest military 
tacticians ever turned out by 
a law office, is actively en- 
gaged in planning campaigns 
to subdue tiie hostiles to the 
administration who are se- 
creted in sundry Senate Com- 
mittee rooms under the com- 
mand of Gen. Miles and 
others, to whom he -s known 
as the "root" of all evil. 



253 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Wall, ye see, I've jest bin en yer offis admirin' yer 
beautiful furnitur'." 

"Well, what did you admire most?" 
"Thet big arm-cheer at yer desk." 
"What led you to admire that in particular?" 
"I calc'late et 'twas becos et waz th' Seat ov War." 
"You didn't see the Dogs of War in there, did you?" 
"No, I didn't. En I reckon, 'twas cos they bed caught 
th' hy'rofoby from th' water-cure en th' Phillypines." This 
shot settled the Secretary, who suddenly found he had 
urgent business to attend to. As he disappeared within 
his office, Uncle Hank noted that there was nothing very 
w'arlike in his appearance. But, perhaps, in the words of 
Byron : 

"Many a withering thought 
Lies Jiid, not lost." 







The Navy Department, in the east of the building, next 
engaged the old man's attention. Beautiful models of war 
ships enclosed in glass cases, were to be seen in different 
parts of the passage ways. 

"Fine leetle boats, them," he remarked to an official, who 
seemed to be taking life easy, and who, he rightly judged, 
would talk. 

"\'ery fine models, indeed," was the reply. "A ship has 
to go through the ten bureaus presided over by the Sec- 
retary of the Navy, before it is a finished product." 

254 




SECRETARY MOODY, of the Nary, is as fine a Tar as ever spliced a rudder or reefed a Jib-boom. 
It is not true (a^ has been asserted by some of his friends) that he is taking lessons from a promi- 
nent pugilist, 'o learn how to Box the Compass. 

2oo 




'■^■u/ 



TAUtfi.-!^^-^' 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Thet's wuss then goin' thru a battle !" exclaimed Uncle 
Hank. 

"Yes, she must have a good pilot to escape the reefs and 
submerged mines of those dififerent bureaus." 

"Wall, I reckon th' harder they cannonade her, th' 
stronger she'll be en battle." 

"It is the most efficient system that could be devised 
to strengthen a navy." 

"Aour navy hez never failed us yit, so I guess th' sys- 
tem's all right. Haow's th' new Secretary, Moody?" 

"Moody? — not at all; he's the jolliest Secretary we ever 
had." 

"Wall, thet speaks well fer th' new Secretary, consider- 
in' he's not Secretary long." 

As Uncle Hank proceeded on his way down the cor- 
ridor, the official scratched his head in an endeavor to as- 
certain just what the old man meant. 

After inspecting the Naval Library, and after facetiously 
inquiring for such national works as "Ships That Pass in 
the Night," "Three Men in a Boat," and similar books, 
he departed for pastures new, to the great relief of the 
mystified attendants. 



'<5o 



AROUND THE CAPITAL 



CHAPTER XXI. 



THE WHITE HOUSE. 



CHE wind was blowing strenuously from the north- 
west ; the great heavy boughs of the trees were 
bleeding in response, and clouds of dust filled the 
air when Uncle Hank reached the gate of the White 
House grounds. 

It was a strenuous day. Even the songs of the birds 
seeemed to be imbued with more than ordinary energy. 

As the old man walked up the asphalt path that leads 
to the Executive Mansion, his tall hat was suddenly "ping- 
ponged" with a pebble, and went sailing over the lawn ac- 
companied by a shrill war-whoop of exultation from a tree 
branch above. 

As he started to recover his hat, he was suddenly star- 
tled by the swish of a rapidly moving bicycle that just 
escaped him, as he made a three-foot leap to one side. 
Theodore Roosevelt, Junior, was on his way to school. 

As the old man stooped to reach for his hat, it took an- 
other bounce, as it was struck by another pebble ; and 
another cry of exultation came from the youthful marks- 
man, who proved to be Kermit, the President's second son, 




niSS SI6SQ£t 

t>Aut,H7ER <»F C«PT. 3l6JC-i£ 



257 




'^•f^YAN.M.C.r^-^- 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

who was safely ensconced in the tree, and who was an adept 
in the use of his Httle sling-shot. 

Uncle Hank, who was ever good natured, and ready 
for a joke at another's expense, and equally ready to take 
one at his own, looked up into the tree and shook his 
finger warningly at the youngster who shouted with great 
satisfaction and glee, at the success of his last shot. 

When the old man recovered his hat, he lost no time in 
getting beyond the range of the youthful marksman, but 
he kept his eye wide open after this experience. It was 
well he did so. for just as he reached the steps, off came 
his hat again. 

Quentin, the President's t'nird son. had stretched a thread 
from one of the columns of the portico to an adjacent 
window, at such a height that it just intercepted the tall 
hat of the old man and sent it scurrying across the as- 
phalt walk. Ethel, his sister, was standing close to the 
window, her little nose pressed against the pane, eagerly 
watching the outcome of Quentin's neatly set trap. 

Once more the old man regained his hat, but this time 
he retained it in his hand, as he entered the portals of the 
mansion. 

Although Uncle Hank was quite ready to forgive the 
pranks of the Roosevelt children, for he had heard all 
sorts of stories in regard to their strenuousness. he was 
not, however, prepared for the violent introduction to the 
President's private secretary, which he received shortly 
after he entered the spacious hall. 

258 




It has been stated that when ATTORNEY GENERAL PHILANDER C. KNOX goes gunning 
for the Trusts he persistently turns his head in the wrong direction. General Knox 
being a very careful lawyer is also a very careful hunter, and if he is apparently looking 
in the wrong direction for his game it is because he is careful'y surveying the field 
In search of other game that might be frightened off at the sound of his gun. 

25'J 




y 






AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

He stood with his back to the stairway leading to the 
floor above, with his hat in his hand, awaiting an oppor- 
tunity to make inquiries of a gentleman who stood with 
bis back to him, whom, he concluded, from the conversa- 
tion which he inadvertently overheard between this gen- 
tleman and a rather neatly dressed colored gentleman, 
whom he recognizeil as Ijooker Washington — having met 
liim before on another occasion — was the President's pri- 
vate secretary. Just as tlie latter was about to turn around, 
a wild screech pierced the air of the quiet hall-way, and 
the next instant the old man was hurled with great force 
against the secretary, who, in turn, caromed against the 
colored man, and the three, or rather four, were piled 
in a heap near the door. Archie, the President's youngest 
son, had slidden down the banister, and had landed in the 
center of the old man's back. The Yankee farmer was 
the f.rst to catch his breath ; as he regained his feet after 
dusting ofif i;is coat and trousers with his umbrella, and 
punching out the dents in his tall hat, he remarked : 
■' 'Tain't no use findin' fault with them kids; what's bred 
en th' bone'll cum aout en ih' flesh." Then turning to tne 
colored gentleman, he inquired if he was hurt, bu that 
gentleman had struck the wall with his head, and a rub 
or two with his hand was all that was necessary to enable 
him to again recover his composure. 

As for little Archie, no one seemed to think it nec- 
essary to inquire how he had come out of the concussion ; 



'2 CO 












^1 



i7y.,,.M0-i ,'4>«*^^ 



.|j>'V ''^^■^^ 




IN THE BLIE ROOM OF THE WHITE HOUSE. 




AMCS L-AtLEM .jyi.c. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

he was like a rubber ball, and was soon scampering up the 
stairs again for another slide. 

The private secretary was at first inclined to re- 
buke the youngster, but upon second thought, concluded 
to laugh it ofif. At this juncture a well built man with 
broad shoulders, surmounted by a large, well-shaped head, 
approached the old man with an extended hand. 

"How d'ye do, Uncle !" exclaimed he. as he warmly 
greeted the old man. 

"President Roosevelt ! Pm right glad tew see ye," cried 
the old man, as he seized the extended hand and shook it 
warmly. "I haven't seen ye sence th' Pan-Ameriky Show. 
Plaow d'ye like yer new job?"' 

"Oh, it doesn't differ materially from my life on the 
plains," replied the Chief Executive. "Turning down a 
Congressman is like 'thrcwing' a steer in the herd, while 
a political Boss often reminds me forcibly of a bucking 
broncho ; if you go the right w^ay about it, you can easily 
master him." This was said with no air of bravado, but 
with a most apparent air of conviction born of experience. 

"Yer ranch ez enfested with road agints," remarked the 
old man, sardonically. 

"How so?" inquired the President. 

"The Trusts," replied he. 

"Those obnoxious Trusts !" exclaimed the President, with 
a look of annoyance on his countenance. 

"Ef Atturney Gineral Knox'Il roll up his sleeves en let 



262 




A SOCIETY EVENT AT THE WHITE HOVSE. 
Vncle Hank— "I see th' senitors hev tb' floor.' 

263 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




■^■H.GAlNE&.rx.C.W-^'^" 



em hev a few hard nox, I reckon they won't be so tarnal 
noxshus," said the old man. 

The President showed a double line of white teeth, as 
he laughed at this observation. 

'T have a great multiplicity of matters to engage my 
attention this morning. See me after the reception. I 
want to walk out in the country with you !" said the Pres- 
ident, in his quick, energetic style, as he bounced up the 
stairway three steps at a time, leaving Uncle Hank to min- 
gle with the crowds that were constantly arriving for the 
public reception that was shortly to take place in the Blue 
Room. 

\'isitors to the White House are divided by sharply 
drawn lines of distinction. For instance, if you occupy 
an exalted sphere in life and your name is prefixed with 
Sen. or Gen., or equally distinguished marks of importance, 
you may have access to the inner portals to the lair of the 
Chief Executive. Pjut if, on the other hand, you are but 
one of the conunon herd, with nothing more distinguished 
than Mr. with which to prefix your name, the East Room 
is as far as you will hkely get. 

This is the great public room of the White House. 
Here crowds of visitors u?ually congregate as soon as they 
reach the mansion, and lose no time in proceeding to 
inspect its attractive features. 

The first thing to attract the attention, is the large paint- 
ing of George Washington, wdiich was believed to have 
been painted by Gilbert Stuart : but it has since been dis- 

204 



#v* 




THE ARMY AND NAVY CLUB. 
Admiral Schley taking a stroll on Connecticut Avenue. 

3H5 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




'MASS 



covered to be the work of a comparatively obscure, English 
artist. This is the painting that was hastily removed from 
the White House, on the arrival of the British soldiers, in 
1814, by Washington's nephew, Mr. Custis, who hastened 
over from Arlington for that purpose. 

A fine full-length portrait of Mrs. Martha Washington, 
as well as portraits of Thomas Jefferson and Abraham 
Lincoln, also adorns this room. 

This East Room is probably the best known room in 
the White House, as no visitor thinks of leaving the city 
without seeing it. Here Maine rubs elbows with Cali- 
fornia, and plain Mrs. Oklahoma marvels at the wonder- 
ful elegance of the imported costume of Miss New York. 

Adjoining this room is the Green Room, the prevailing 
tone of which is a pale green tint ; and close by it the 
famous Blue Room, where the President's receptions are 
held. 

At every large public reception the guests are received 
with appropriate style and dismissed with a "stile," since 
the halls could not be cleared without passing the guests 
out by means of steps, with which the window-sill is 
bridged on such occasions. 

These public receptions are notable affairs. A line is 
usually formed, extending as far as Seventeenth Street. 
After crossing the threshold of the White House, the line 
is single filed through the vestibule, the corridor and the 
Red Room to the Blue Room, where the President shakes 
hands with every visitor. A great many of these visit- 

266 







11^'^'/, 







A RECEPTION AT THE WHITE HOUSE. 



267 




«JU5TUC f.EU SHiKA.S~jn, 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

ors think this is the main function of a President and act 
accordmgly. 

Ofcen the smile on the President's face will indicate 
more than his kindliness of feeling, for the studied etfort 
of the visitor to he impressive — (as in the case of a for- 
eigner who howed very low, before he deigned to take the 
profTered hand) — is often amusing. Occasionally a horny- 
handed Westerner will grip the President's hand with a 
vise-like grasp that will make him wince, hut not often; 
for President Roosevelt has acquired a trick of getting 
"first hold," which precludes the possibility of a disastrous 
"squeeze." 

From the small hall between the East Room and the 
vestibule, a stairway ascends to a wide middle hall, on either 
side of which are the offices of the President. At the head 
of these stairs is the Cabinet Room. Closely adjacent, is 
the room devoted to the private secretary. It is a nar- 
row apartment and often crowded to the limit. It is a well- 
known fact that more accommodation for the President is 
a pressing necessity ; but the historic White House, from 
the point of tradition, is one of the relics of our past, which 
should not be immolated upon the altar of prosrress. 

The removal of the business offices from the White House 
■will make it more truly a home for the President, but a 
new Executive Mansion is a necessitv that cannot much 
longer be deferred. At present it is entirelv inad^nuate 
to the necessities of an ordinary Chief Executive, not to" 
mention a strenuous one. 

268 




THE WHITE HOUSE AT THE HEIGHT OF THE SEASON. 

269 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XXn. 



A STRENUOUS WALK. 




^'^-^-H^.eveR ''^^•^' 



CHERE was a great crowd of sight-seers congested 
about the main entrance to the White House, bent 
upon gaining achnittance to the building, to idly 
prowl about its interior in pursuance of idle curios- 
ity. Suddenly there was a great commotion in the center of 
the mass, and inmiediately after a stalwart figure shot out, 
hurling them right and left after the manner of a Brooklyn- 
ite making his way through the mass of humanity which 
usually congregates at the entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge 
during rush hours. 

As the vvellbuilt figure bounded along the asphalt, many 
were the exclamations of admiration that emanated from 
the crowd, as it proceeded to retrieve the various bits of 
head-gear that had been unceremoniously dislodged by the 
strenuous exit of the Chief Executive ; for it was none 
other than he. who was about to take his regular walk 
into the bucolic regions, where the fields are broad and the 
vista is unobstructed. 

Uncle Hank, mindful of the request of the President to 
take a walk with him into the country, was waiting in 
readiness for his advent, and as soon as he perceived the 

270 




A CABINET OFFICER'S DAUGHTER AUTOMOBILING ON CONNECTICUT AVENUE. 



271 




'^'^■'^ Ho^^ kV^^^' 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

athletic figure of the Chief Executive, he hastened to join 
him. 

The wind was blowing sharply, so the old man took 
a firm grip at his tall hat and pulled it down tighter on 
his head to prevent it blowing off at the quick pace they 
were now moving. 

The old man's gait was somewhat ungainly, when com- 
pared with the elastic and springy stride of his companion, 
and it was a rather difficult matter for him to keep step, as 
he had an awkward habit of throwing his heavily booted 
foot too high in the air, so that when it reached the ground 
it did so with a resounding whack on the extreme end 
of the heel, which seemed to jar the old man from stem 
to stern at every step. 

As the pair reached the gate, the President leaped grace- 

fully over the imbedded cannon that serves as a bulwark j 

to encroaching carriage wheels. Uncle Hank endeavored ! 

to do likewise, but his effort ended in disaster ; the heel ! 

of his boot catching on the rim of the cannon's mouth, 

threw him unceremoniouslv in a heap on the sidewalk. i 

i 
He soon gathered himself up, however, and they were | 

again on their way. ! 

The President seemed to be in an abstracted mood : his 
eves were focused on distant objects and he seemed obliv- 
ious to his surroundings. He was evidently thinking of 
some intricate matter of state. As for the old man, his 
mind was chiefly concerned with the idea of how long 
he woi:Id last if this gait w?s kept up. 

272 




•HE HAD AN AWKWARD HABIT OF THROWING HIS HEAVILY BOOTED FOOT TOO HIGH IN 

THF. AlR." 

2IVO 




^-'^•^3lW\ THE WHITK HOUSE IN 1S14. 

(From an old print.) 

274 




FROLICKING IN THE WHITE LOT. 

375 




■•^•^/^ODOX W-^ ^^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

Every one seemed to recognize the President as the 
pair rushed by, and on one occasion an over-zealous police- 
man tried to arrest Uncle Hank, thinking that lie was fol- 
lowing the Chief Magistrate for the purpose of doing him ; 
bodily harm. But he successfully explained, that being un- i 
able to keep up with his more lusty companion, he was 
merely putting on more steam to '^nable him to accelerate 
his pace. ' 

The pedestrians were soon out in the country, and as 
they dashed along the dusty roads, the farmers would 
stop th':ir work in the fields to watch them. 

Suddenly, as they came to a bend in the road, the Pres- ■ 
ident's eye caught sight of a herd of cattle being driven 
to pasture. His eyes brightened perceptibly, as the lowing 
herd approached. | 

Redoubling his steps, he was soon in the midst of the i 
scampering cows, and seizing the horns of one of the larg- j 
est, he was soon astride of her back, yelling like an In- | 
dian boy on his first pony. ' 

Into the pasture field the thoroughly frightened cow 
dashed with her unusual burden. After encircling the field 
.several times, she quieted down, when ber rider dismounted ; 
as gracefullv as an expert circus equestrian would do on 
Ihe completion of a particularly graceful performance in :i 
the ring. 

This boyish prank seemed to please the President huge- 
ly, and he was all smiles when he regained the roadway. 

"That's the best fun I've had since I was out in Yellow- j 

276 




A REAR VIEW OP SENATOR MASON. 

'^77 




0.d.J{. 



M^aCcC. M-C 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

stone Park, chasing the mountain lions!" he exclaimed 
with enthusiasm. 

"Thet's the way tew handle th' publick questshuns ov 
th' day — take em by th' horns en ride cm daown till ye 
master 'em !" replied the old man, joining in the enthusi- 
asm of the moment. 

They now concluded to return to the city, as the clouds 
were lowering for a storm. As they sped down the 
avenue to the White Plouse, it was all the old man could 
do to keep up with his distinguished companion, and he 
was thoroughly tired out, as their trip had extended sev- 
eral miles into the country. 

Turning the corner of Seventeenth Street so as to enter 
the Executive Mansion at the rear, they passed the White 
Lot. Here they encountered a youthful equestrian on a 
beautiful piebald pony, riding furiously around the cir- 
cular park. Occasionally he would stand erect in his stir- 
rups and emit a war-whoop as he chased another youth 
on a bicycle. 

"That boy, Quentin, is going to make a fine rider!" 
exclaimed the President in admiration at the fearless man- 
ner in which his little son managed the pony. [ 

"Thar may be another San Juan Hill tew charge up j 
when he gits tew be a man," remarked the old man. 

"And another troop of Rough Riders to organize some 
day," rejoined the President. 

"Like father, like son," commented the old man, as the 
President disappeared in the direction of the White House, j 

278 



AR()UND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XXni. 



A CLIMB OF NINE HUNDRED STEP; 



BE had come all the way from California to scatter his 
wife's ashes from the top of the Washington Alonu- 
ment. 
He was tall and spare of frame and his prominent 
nose was bridged with antique spectacles, over the rims of 
•which he had a curious habit of looking quizzically, when 
spoken to. His countenance was of the mournful kind, like 
unto one who saw naught but woe on this side of the grave. 
And he had come thousands of miles to carry out the dying 
wish of the partner of his life's joys — or was it woes? 

As he approached the imposing shaft of white marble, 
with his eves uplifted to heaven, towards which the obelisk 
eloquently pointed, he gave vent to a sigh that attracted 
the attention of Uncle Hank, who was standing at the 
base of the noble structure. 

"My friend," exclaimed the old man after the manner of 
one who was about to render a favor, "they won't let ye 
carry yer lunch box tew th' top ov th' monnymint." 

"My dear sir," replied the one from the Pacific slope, 
"this is not a lunch box. It is all that remains of my dear 
consort, who departed this life less than a month ago, 
and whose request, that after cremation, I should scatter 

279 




'ND. 




UTAH. M.C. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

the resultant ashes to the four winds of heaven, from the 
top of the Washington Monument, I am about to comply 
with." 

This was said with an elevation of the eyebrows that 
told more eloquently than his words expressed, the respon- 
sibility he felt for the faithful execution of his wife's 
dying petition. 

"My friend, ye kan't do et," sententiously remarked the 
old man, shaking his head negatively. 

"And why, might I ask ?" he inquired, raising his eye- 
brows still higher. 

"Ye see, et's agin th' rools,'' explained the old man. 
"I was not aware there was any rule governing such 
a case," replied the mournful one. 

"In th' fust place," said the old man, "et's agin th' law 
tew throw anythin' from th' top ov th' monnymint. En 
th' next place, thar's alius lots ov peeple lookin' up et 
th' monnvmint, en ther so estonished et et, thet they alius j 
hcv ther mouths wide open ; so thet ef ye shud throw yer 

wife's remains daown frum th' top " 

The man from California waited to hear no more, but 
grasping his precious 1)ox with a firmer grip, he hastened to j 
the Potomac river, where he could throw his affectionately 
remembered wife's ashes into the water, and not risk the 
danger of having them swallowed by a lot of open-mouthed 
sight-seers. 

As for Uncle Hank, after quietly smiling to himself at 
the man who wished to turn the park into a cemetery, he 

280 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



proceeded to walk about the grounds to get a more com- 
plete view of the beautiful monument. 

"Over tive hundred en hfty-five feet high !" he said to 
himself, "en th' highest structur' en the land — a fittin' 
monnymint tew th' man thet stood higher en th' esteem ov 
hiz fellowmen then eny man b'fore." 

"Admiring the monument, uncle?" said a voice at his 
elbow. 

On turning around, he beheld his nephew, Harry, whoi 
had made an appointment with him to climb the stairs to 
the top of the structure, to more leisurely examine the 
interesting interior, which is lined with memorial stones 
from various sources, as tributes to the immortal Wash 
ington. 

"I waz jest thinkin', Harry," said the old man, "thet 
el stands thar like a gauge tew measur' th' charactur' ov 
th' greatest man that ever lived." 

"Quite right, uncle ; and very fittinglv expressed," re- 
plied his nephew. "Now for a climb to the top." 

The pair then proceeded to the task of slowly mounting to 
the top of the monument, bv means of the nine hundred 
steps within. As they passed through the entrance to the 
interior, thev were looked upon with wonder, by the crowd 
in the elevator, as they started to laboriously climb the 
iron stairs, ignoring the more comfortable means of reachr- 
ing the top. 

"Forty States and sixteen cities are represented in these 



281 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




memorial stones," said Harry, as they reached the first- 
landing and commenced to scrutinize the inscriptions. 

"Here is a stone contributed by a lodge of Odd-Fellows, 
and adjoining is one from a lodge of Free Masons." • 

"Wall, I don't know ez haow they could hev built et 
without them masons, seein' ez haow et's built ov stone 
en mortar," remarked the old man, jocosely. 

On the second landing they stopped to examine some 
sculptured representations of antiquated machines donated 
by fire departments of forty years ago. 

*'Th' longer this monnymint lasts th' more curius them 
skulptur's'll look," remarked the old man, as he examined 
the old fire engines. 

As they climbed from one landing to another, they came 
across numbers of curious stones. There w^ere stones from 
Braddock's Field, the Battlefield of Long Island, Otter's 
Summit, (a lofty peak in Virginia,) the Temple of /Es- 
culapius, the ruins of ancient Carthage, the Tomb of Napo- 
leon at St. Helena, the Parthenon in Greece, and the Alex- 
andrian Library in Egypt. 

"Th' Sons ov Noo England en Canady," read Uncle 
Hank, on one of the stones. "Thet looks suspishus !" he 
exclaimed. "What did they go tew Canady fer?" 

They had now reached an altitude of three hundred and 
ten feet, which they readily determined by the large fig- 
ures which were painted at every landing in the stairway. 

"We have now reached the height of the Capitol," said 



282 









■ifffff 



^;^1?;PS 



K- .my^.J':-:^^^.'' 













V^' 



•" "; ■'■:'^iv^^ •'& i-'k. 1;-ii' 









•^••'•J^.'SSv 






:/i 





















^l^^^^p^^llljju^fi^ 



^ 













«.••.•.-.■ - 




■ET STANDS THAR LIKE A GAUGE TEW MEASUR' TH' CHARACTUR OV TH' GREATEST MAN 

THET EVER LIVED " 

^83 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^Ovv.sMiTH N\-^- ^^ ■ 



Harry, pointing to a sign painted on the wall, indicating 
that fact. 

At ditTerent altitudes, as they ascended, they noticed 
signs marking the heights of various lofty structures 
throughout the world. For instance, when the five hun- 
dred and twenty foot mark was reached, a sign indicat- 
ing this to be the height of St. Peter's Church at Rome, 
was painted immediately under it. 

This was found to be a very vivid way of impressing 
upon visitors the magnitude of the monument. 

After resting several times on convenient steps, Uncle 
Hank and his nephew at last found themselves at the top; 
a grateful discovery, as the lack of ventilation, combined 
wdth the physical exertion necessary to climb so many steps, 
served to make them over-heated and considerably ex- 
hausted, and when the free air above was reached, it proved 
to be very exhilarating. 

It would be hard to imagine a more beautiful spectacle 
than the scene from the top of the monument on this oc- 
casion. The sun was shining brightly, and the atmosphere 
was singularly clear, rendering the most distant objects 
plainly perceptible. 

"There is no city in the world that would look so well 
from so great an elevation," said Harry, who had traveled 
in every clime. "This is due to the fact that its large pub- 
lic buildings are constructed of marble or granite, and are 
usually surrounded by the rich green foliage of parks, which 
contrasts beautifully with the stone work ; also there is an 

2S4: 




ON VERMONT AVENUE. 

285 




^"^^R^OX l«^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

utter absence of the smoke and steam that pervades the 
atmosphere of all other cities." 

"Thar's th' famous Potomac Flats — with all th' mod- 
ern emproovmints," remarked Uncle Hank, as he looked 
out of the first port-opening, or window, which looked 
southward. 

"That is the famous long bridge, constructed over sixty 
years ago," explained Harry, who, being familiar with 
the surrounding country, constituted himself a guide to 
his uncle. 

"Right over there," he continued, "is a number of re- 
mains of fortifications that were hot places during the 
Civil War. A little farther along is the disastrous field of 
Manassas; those hills in the distance are in Virginia." 

"Th' rebs got purty close tew Washin'ton," commented 
the old man, as he contemplated the scene. 

"That prominent bridge you see yonder," pursued the 
nephew, "is called the Aqueduct bridge, and back of it lies 
the old town of Georgetown, while over on the Virginia 
side, is plainly seen the Arlington mansion, surround- 
ing which is the National Cemetery with its many monu- 
ments, showing like little white specks among the foliage I" 
Then moving over to the next window, he continued: 

"And there's the White House, easily the most con- 
spicuous object from this window; on the left is the State, 
War and Navy building. A little nearer is the Corcoran 
Art Gallery. That distinctly marked avenue extending 



286 




•THAR'S TH' FAMOUS POTOMAC FLATS— WITH ALL TH' MODERN EMPROOVMLNTS. 

287 




^■^^LZELL..^-^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

beyond the White House, is Connecticut Avenue, Washing- 
ton's most fashionable thoroughfare. 

"We now come to the most beautiful view of all," re- 
marked Harry, looking from the next window in line. 
"There is the beautiful, white Capitol nestling in a bed 
of green. I don't know where you can match that for 
beauty," said he, with the enthusiasm of an artist. "Over 
its right wing you can clearly discern the Congressional 
Library, with its gilt dome glistening against the distant 
Maryland hills. A little farther to the right is the Ana- 
costia river ; — follow the stream up with your eye and 
you will come to the Navy Yard." 

And thus, every object of interest was discerned in the 
beautiful panorama that lay stretched below them like a 
huge painting by a master hand, but far more beautiful 
tlian any painting could be. 

"Right above, is the capstone," further related he, "on 
the top of which is a tip, or point, of aluminum, selected 
because of its freedom from oxidation." 

When the pair started to descend by w-ay of the ele- 
vator, Harry recounted to his uncle some of the interest- 
ing details of construction connected with this wonderful 
P'ile of masonry. 

"At the five hundred foot level," said he, as the elevator 
passed the mark, "the walls are only eighteen inches thick; 
at the base they measure fifteen feet." 

Then dropping into the history of the structure, he con- 
tinued : 

288 




SENATOR JOHN F. DRYDEN.ot New Jersey, is the astute President of the Prudential Insur- 
ance Company of Newark. N. J., which, it is claimed, is as solid as the rock at Gibral- 
tar. As a consequence its President is well supplied with "Rocks." Early in life he 
was taught that "Honesty was the best Policy"— he believes differently now— "No Policy 
can equal the "Prudential's." 

289 




OHIO MX. 



AROUXD THE CAPITAL. 

"This monument is the realization of a popular senti- 
ment for a memorial to Washington, which had its in- 
ception before his death, so that his wishes in regard to 
its site were known and acceded to," said he, reeling off 
his information like a walking encyclopedia. "But the 
corner-stone was not laid until 1845, and the monument 
was not completed until 1885. So you see they were not 
very energetic in building it." 

As the elevator reached the bottom they took occasion 
to look up into the enormous shaft. 

"This is said to be the finest and best piece of masonry 
in the world," pursued the nephew. "It has been found 
that a plumb line suspended from the top inside did not de- 
flect three-eighths of an inch from a perpendicular 
line." 

"Perfec'ly upright, like th' charactur' ov th' immortal 
George," said the old man, as he took a last look at the 
superb monument. 



290 



AROUND THE CAPITAL 



CHAPTER XXIV 



THE WORLD IN GLASS CASES. 



"I bequeath the zvhole of my property to the United 
States of America, to found at Washington, under the name 
of the Smithsonian Institution, an establishment for the 
increase and diffusion of knowledge among men." 

CHUS read the bequest of James Smithson, a son of 
tlie English Duke of Northumberland, who died in 
1829. By this legacy, which was brought to this 
country in gold sovereigns and recoined into gold 
eagles, five hundred and eight thousand three hundred and 
eighteen dollars and forty-six cents was made available for 
the establishment of the now world famous Smithsonian 
Institution and National Museum. 

Curious, indeed, has been the development of this won- 
derful museum. Containing, as it now does, over three 
million objects, it was at first merely a ragged collection 
of "curiosities" ^\•hich had been given to the institution 
principally for want of a better place. 

The Smithsonian building was completed in 1855, and 
step by step it has increased in scope and importance. 
The original bequest has increased to one million dollars. 
The National Museum is under the direction of the 

291 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




^•^/•^MALL-rA-C*^- 



Smithsonian Institution, but is supported by Uncle Sam. 
This museum is made, by law, the authorized place of 
deposit for "all objects of art, archseology, natural history, 
ethnology and geology belonging to the United States when 
no longer needed for investigation in progress." 

Thus it happens that after every World's Fair, or Ex- 
position, a considerable number of exhibits, for which there 
is no further use, finds its way to this unique collection 
which has become so great, that to attempt to mention in 
detail one in a hundred would be an almost impossible task. 

The bulk of visitors are attracted to the museum building 
in preference to the older Smithsonian, which is poorly 
lighted and not so well fitted for exhibition purposes as its 
more commodious neighbor. 

As Uncle Hank appeared early one morning at the main 
entrance to the museum, he deliberately surveyed the in- 
terior for some time. Running his eye rapidly over the 
multitude of objects to examine, he nonchalantly exclaimed: 

"Ye kan't see this museum en five minutes !" 

Walking over to the first glass case on the right he ex- 
amined curiously the life and death masks of Lincoln. 
Reading carefully the appended card, which contained the 
words "ALASK OF LINCOLN." he indignantly snorted: 

■'Hah! et's a mistake — he never wore a mask!" 

A little farther along he came to some relics of President 
IMadison carefully arranged in a large case, which he scruti- 
nized closely. At length his face seemed to take on a serio- 



202 




THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION. 

293 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




D.H.vSMITH-M.C. 



comic expression, as he gazed intently at oaie of the objects 
within. 

"I alhis bed a great respekt fer James Madison, but sum- 
times aour ideels git a rude shock. He waz a great states- 
man, a great skol]ar an' a man ov integritty, but — he played 
a flute!" And the old man walked off like one who had 
made a disagreeable discovery. 

Several cases, devoted to the display of General Wash- 
ington's uniform and camp outfit, next attracted his atten- 
tion. 

'■'George Washington ! I'm ashamed ov ye," he exclaimed. 
"Pewter dishes en sech common knives, en them clothes! 
They wudden't bring much et a seckund-hand store." 

He was, however, much better pleased at the showing 
made by General Grant's relics, which included some beau- 
tiful swords, presents and testimonials received by the Gen- 
eral in his trip around the world. 

Passing into the rotunda his attention was riveted to the 
colossal plaster model of Crawford's statue of "Armed 
Liberty." which adorns the top of the Capitol Dome. This 
statue is nineteen feet six inches high and looks very im- 
posing under the subdued light of the rotunda. 

"Liberty cums high, but we must hev et," said the old 
man. as he gazed up at the statue. "En they call et Armed 
Liberty? Wall, thet's right. Et's armed with money. En 
th' helmet hez a big dollar mark ontew et, en thet looks like 
a money bag en th' left hand — en, by ginger ! she's winkin* 
with thet left eye ! But p'r'aps et's all immaginashun, en my 

294 




■LIBERTY CUMS HIGH, BUT WE MUST HEV ET." 

295 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




T.s.Bvrhznnc. 

F»E.NN. 



old eyes ez deccivin' me." And the old man laughed at the 
idea. He then entered the hall devoted to mammals, some of 
which are so remarkahly well mounted that they simulate 
life to an astonishing extent. 

This department is also very rich in geological specimens, 
as it is the depository of tlie United States Geological Sur- 
vey. 

■"Sermons en Stones!" remarked the old man as he 
stooped over a large rock on which were plainly to be dis- 
cerned the footprints of birds that nuist have lived thou- 
sands of years ago. "We think we're livin' fer tew-day, 
only, en don't stop tew think we're leavin' aour tracks be- 
hind.'' 

Wandering into the next hall he noted with curiosity the 
exhibition of cutting implements. 

"Frum th' stone hatchit tew th' fine steel knife. Et's like 
foliowin' th' progress ov th' human race." 

And then the Egyptian mummies claimed his attention. 
A long row of mummy cases, decorated with Egyptian 
hieroglyphics, painted in all sorts of fancy colors, presented 
anv'thing but a funereal aspect. One particularly fine speci- 
men was stood on its feet, propped up against the wall, with 
a small portion of its dried up visage showing through the 
bandages. As the old man peered into the face of the 
mummy, he pondered long as if in deep thought. 

"Four thousand years ago," he said, "ye lived, en I reckon 
ye waz a good church member, fer I see they giv' ye what 
passed en them days fer a decent Christian burial. En I 

296 




SOME PROMINENT REPRESENTATIVES. 

297 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 







hain't no doubt ye waz a deekon, fer ye look like old Deeken 
Snodgrass. En like ez not ye waz a member ov Congress 
them days, fer thet looks like one ov yer speeches they've 
buried 'long with ye." 

So saying, he designated a roll of papyrus that was 
fastened to one side of the sarcophagus. And carefully 
adjusting his spectacles, he stooped over in an endeavor to 
decipher the hieroglyphics. 

"Et looks tew me like a speech on th' Trust questshun- 
fer thar's a row ov figgers standin' b'fore a man with a lot 
er pots back ov him. Et's easy tew see thet means a strike 
of a Labor L'^nion agin a Trust — fer I reckon them jars ez 
money jars, en th' man en front ez th' preserdent ov a 
Trust en them days." And the old man ruminated over 
what he considered the probable status of the man four 
thousand years ago. 

Then slowly walking along, carefully noting everything 
of interest, occasionally stopping to examine some exhibit 
of more than ordinary importance from his point of view, 
he at length found himself in the midst of a fine display of 
nautical craft, embracing everything that would float on 
water, from a dugout canoe to the latest design of ocean 
steamship. Of particular interest to his ingenoius Yankee 
mind was the display of models, showing the evolution of 
the propeller. 

"Et's so simple en construcslum," said he. "thet et's hard 
tew realize thet et waz only discuvered a few years ago, en 
thet th' world bed tew do so long withaout et." And lean- 

298 




JOHN PIERPONT MORGAN, the Fiel3 Marshal of Industry. His wonderful grasp of public 
affairs is marvelous. His hand can be seen in schemes that reach around the globe. 
Like Alexander, his plans of conquest embrace the entire world, but where the Grecian 
conqueror drew his sword, the American draws his checli. It is rumored that he is en- 
deavoring to form the thrones of Europe into a Trust, with offices in a Broadway sky- 
scraper. 

299 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

ing over, he ran his fingers over the fin-Hke model of the 
first propeller. Then turning around, he espied a number of 
skeletons in another hall. It was not long before he was 
deeply immersed in the intricacies of skeleton lore. 

"H'yars th' place fer bare facts. Thar's no conseelmint. 
Ye' kin git inside infermashun en this departmint !" he ex- 
claimed, MS he scanned the multitude of skeletons that filled 
the hall. 

"V-E-R-T-E-B-R-A-T-E P-A-L-E-O-N-T-O-L-O-G-Y," 
read he, deciphering the large gilt sign designating the 
contents of the room. 

"Vertybrat Palintolcgy? I kan't say ez haow I kno what 
thet means — et's sun'thin' about 'brats' en palin'-fences, 
I reckon." 

As he was about to leave this hall after having spent 
considerable time in examining the curious little bones 
that constitute the vertebrae of the reptile species, his at- 
tention was attracted to a series of skeletons ranging from 
the small monkey to the human being. 

Scrutinizing each skeleton carefully, he finally came to the 
culminating example of the evolution of the species, man. 

Standing before this product of the evolutionary scheme, 
with his arms folded and his chin resting on his hand, he 
gave vent to the train of thought that had been forming 
in hiis mind. "Tlv lord ov creashun ! Th' proud, hawty 
en arrygant master ov th' world !" soliloquized he. "When 
yer stripped tew th' bone, ye don't look tew hev sich a 
great advantage over th' rest ov th' animal creashun." 

300 



I3C 







jy>.-NOt?TON.'>I.C 



■»V,T ZENOR.M C. 



a.^.f NOOK-.M.C. 



J.Vf.M? CALL.M.C. 










c.A PirOvfLtY. n.c 



J. H^TEPHLNX. MC. 
TEX. 







J.R.WILLI AM.f.MC . 
ILL. 



■VV.D.VAN DIVER M.(. 
MO. 







C.R.THOMA.S.M.C 



i^.A^lOODY.M.C 
ORE. 



C.N. FOWLER. M.C. 

jv a. 



AN INFLUENTIAL GROUP OF CONGRESSMEN. 

301 




J.a.riTZ(>E.R ALD. M .C. 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

The more the inquisitive Yankee investigated, the more 
he found to interest him. There were cases filled with gems 
and precious stones, Alaskan relics, ores, meteorites, Indian 
pottery, idols, casts of reptiles and fishes, botanical speci- 
mens and geological curiosities. 

After he had exhaustively searched through the mass, he 
repaired to the Smithsonian building close by. Here he 
found practically the same sort of exhibition, only on a 
much smaller scale. 

It has, however, one feature that places it in the front 
rank of the scientific institutions of the world. This is its 
magnificent library of two hundred and twenty-five thou- 
sand volumes. 

As the old man had about concluded his tour, and was 
preparing to leave the building, a short fat man with a very 
heavy beard and a very bald head stopped him to inquire 
if he could direct him to the Entomological Department. 

"What dew they hev en thet departmint?" he inquired. 

'"Insects, bugs, et cetera," replied the seeker after informa- 
tion. 

"Wall, right over yonder," answered the old man, point- 
ing his finger in the direction of the bug exhibit, "thar's 
everythin' en th' world en th' shape ov bugs, 'ceptin' one." 

"Excepting one !" exclaimed his interrogator in surprise 
at the thought that the famous collection should be found 
incomplete in any particular. "WHiat variety did you find 
missing?" 

"Th' hum-bug," responded the practical joker, 

302 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XXV. 



THE CURBSTONE MARKET PLACE. 




i. POWER* n.c. 
ME. 



CWO barrels supporting a couple of wide boards 
on which were placed sundry baskets of 
eggs, apples, carrots and sweet potatoes, 
comprised the nucleus of Abraham Lincoln 
White's stand just outside of Center Market. Ranged 
around this nucleus were several open boxes containing 
corn on the cob, parsnips, onions and walnuts. In addition 
to this was an old tub containing a small quantity of butter 
in pound lumps. 

]\Ir. White was black ; so black, indeed, that it was diffi- 
cult to discern the intensely black pipe he held in his mouth. 
Furthermore, he was an exceedingly picturesque personage 
in many respects. His coat had been patched so often, that 
the patches seemed to constitute the greater part of the 
garment. 

In regard to his nether extremities, it was rather a hard 
matter to tell where they started or where they left off, 
as his feet were encased in coarse bagging secured in place 
by pieces of twine wrapped round and round. This served 
the double purpose of keeping Mr. White's feet free from 
the snow that lightly covered the sidewalk, and also to 

303 




J.4.ROBIN.f«N.rt.C, 
iVEB. 




•^ HE.Nfi-i ^ 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

keep them warm ; for it was only in the mildest weather that 
this son of Africa did not feel cold. 

If Mr. White was picturesque, Air. White's market wagon 
was spectacular — repaired again and again until there was 
not left a single stick of wood or iron, or a solitary stitch 
of canvas that constituted its original make-up. In order 
to ease the strain on some of the weaker parts of the 
wheels, strips of wood were bound with w^ire diagonally 
across the spokes, in such a manner that at every rotation 
of the wheel the ends of the homely splint would strike 
the ground with a jar that would momentarily threaten 
disaster. 

The sidewalk along the Mall, fronting the market house 
proper, was lined with similar ramshackle market vehicles 
as far as the eye could reach, and, as it was Saturday 
morning, business was brisk. 

Uncle Hank — who had been advised to visit the "Mar- 
ket" on market day, if he wished to see one of the most j 
interesting sights of Washington — was sauntering along 
this curbstone market place wdien he chanced to see the 
unique Mr. White. 

"Haow much ez butter this mornin'?" inquired he, more 
for the purpose of "drawing out," the darky, than with 
any intention of purchasing. 

"Buttah?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, thev'se gittin' twenty-seben cents inside dar," in- j 
dicating the Market House across the way by a jerk 

304 




JAMES WILSON. Secretary of Agriculture, is one of the well-lcnown figures ot 
Washington Official life. Born in Scotland, he shares with that other great 
Scotchman, Andrew Carnegie, the distinction ot being a great "give away"— 
giving away great packages of seeds to needy farmers throughout the land 
■with as lavish a hand as his famous fellow countryman does libraries. Is 
author of many valuable works on agriculture, chief among which is his 
great treatise entitled: "Do gold bricks make good building material?" 

305 




y 






AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

of his thumb over his shoulder, "but ah reckon ah kin let 
yo' hab sum fo' twenty-foah cents." 

As the old man did not make an immediate response 
to this offer, the darky added : "Dar's anoder tub in de 
'fix' dat p'haps yo'd like bettah !"' 

"En why d'ye call thet a 'fix'?" inquired the old man 
with some curiosity. 

"Ef yo' look right close yo' won't hab to ax dat ques- 
t'shun," replied the proprietor. 

'T guess ye'll hev tew 'xplain," replied the old man after 
looking over the rig. 

"Don't yo' see?" explained the darky, "we calls em 
■fixes' cos we fixes 'em so often." And the grin that spread 
over his black face was a revelation. 

"Whar on airth did ye git thet boss?" exclaimed the 
old man, as his eye caught sight of the old nag that stood 
with head bowed down almost to the ground — a most 
dejected looking animal, with legs swollen by old age, and 
hide roughened and toughened by exposure to rain and 
wind. 

"Dat boss am good fo' many yeahs yit," doggedly re- 
plied the colored farmer. 

A little farther down the line the old man encountered 
a rig so remarkable in make-up that he was forced to stop 
and examine it. What had once been an old family coach 
was now doing service for an old "mammy" who had just 
arrived from Charles County, Maryland. As the old ne- 
gress removed the baskets of vegetables, poultry, fruit and 

306 




DANIEL WEBSTER MARKETING. 

307 




NEB. 









AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

garden truck that filled the recesses of the old coach, it 
creaked and groaned as if in thankfulness at the relief 
of the burden its old frame seemed too feeble to sustain. 

Attached to this quaint old market contrivance, by a 
net-work of strings, ropes and straps for a harness, was 
an undersized ox of uncertain age. 

"Thet must be th' erriginal hoss-liss kerridge !" exclaimed 
the old man, as he stood contemplating the most remark- 
able rig he had ever seen. 

Closely packed, these sidewalk merchants stood eagerly 
importuning passers by to purchase their sundry offerings; 
and while the business is not particularly lucrative, it en- 
ables them to support little places in the country, and 
enjoy a life that is far from being unhappy. 

This market place was originally called the Marsh Market, 
from the fact that it was located in an old marsh or bog, 
and long before the present Market House was built, was 
a noted place. 

Daniel Webster, Chief Justice Taney and General Wil- 
liam H. Harrison are said to have come in person to do 
their marketing in the old Marsh Market. Times are dif- 
ferent nowadays. Imported English butlers perform that 
necessary service for the Depews, Hannas and Clarks 
of to-day. 



W.B..SHATTUtM C. 



308 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XXYT. 



A PEEP AT THE HOTELS. 



RECLINING comfortably on a large, luxurious 
leather-covered arm-chair, sat L^ncle Hank with 
his legs crossed and his tall hat resting easily on 
his knees. 
"Et's th' finest tavern I ever sot eyes ontew !" he ex- 
claimed with enthusiasm, as he gazed with open-mouthed 
wonder at the magnificence of his surroundings. 

'T've ben watchin' thet feller behind th' caounter with 
th' big di'mond en his shirt, en I've cum tew th' conclushun 
thet he owns th' buildin'." 

"What makes you think so?'' inquired his nephew, look- 
ing at the individual in question. 

"He's callin' on everybody tew admire et." 
"I don't quite understand?" 

"Jes' listen, en ye'll soon hear him call aout 'front !' ez 
tho' he wanted every one to go aout en admire th' front ov 
his buildin'." 

"Oh," laughed the nephew, "he's the clerk, and that's his 
way of calling for a porter to take a new arrival to a room." 
They were seated in the lobby of the New Willard Hotel, 
Uncle Hank and his nephew. 

309 




OREN FLETcneR.n.Ci 
Ml MP*. 




UJ.FOJ-TeR. M.C. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




U.S. SENATOR. UTAH 



The luxuriously upholstered chairs and sofas were all 
occupied, and little groups of men in evening dress stood 
about conversing in low tones ; the elevators were busily 
engaged in discharging their burdens of richly-gowned 
ladies with their escorts, who hastily sought the carriages 
that were waiting to convey them to a reception at the 
White House, or some other equally prominent afifair. 

General Grosvenor stood in the center of the lobby, look- 
ing even more distinguished than he visually does on the 
floor of the House, his white hair and beard contrasting 
finely with the rich black of evening dress. Closely ' 
grouped about him were Representatives Showalter, Dick 
and Ruppert. 

Sereno Payne, the brilliant leader of the "majority" in 
the House, was the center of another group, composed 
of Senators Scott and Millard, and Representatives Cousins, 
McClellan and Overstreet. 

"Et looks like en evenin' sesshun ov Congress," remarked 
the old man, looking around at the well-known faces about 
him. 

"With this exception — there is no presiding officer." 

"Yer mistaken, Harry." 
. "How so?" 

"He's behind th' caounter callin' 'front !' " 

Uncle Hank was making a tour of the principal hotels 
of Washington with his nephew, wdio assured him that an 
evening so spent would not be lost. 

"By w^ay of contrast we will now go to the Riggs House," 

310 




J.B SHOWALTER.nCPA SiHE^O fAYHC W.C.N.V. 

C.M.GROSVE.NOR.MC. R.G. C OUSINS. r^C Ift. 



AT THE NEW WILLARD HOTEL. 

311 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

said Harry, as they walked up the avenue, " 'The Riggs,' 
— as it is affectionately known to all the old-timers, — al- 
though one of the oldest hotels in the city — has lost none 
of its popularity." 

As they entered the lobby, the old man remarked that 
he felt more at home. 

"Swaller-tail coats en patint leathers hain't en my line," 
he said, as he observed a less pretentious gathering in 
the lounging room. 

"These Washington hotels are sharply divided into 
classes," said Harry, as they walked across Lafayette Park, 
on their way to the Arlington. "A most exclusive class 
patronizes this group of hostelries," waving his hand so as 
to include the Arlington, Shoreliam and Chamberlin's. 

Entering the first named, the pair proceeded to make 
themselves at home by taking possession of a couple of 
easy-chairs in a corner of the lobby, where they could "size 
up them big men abaout," as Uncle Hank expressed it. 

"Thar's Teddy talkin' tew that German Minister — en 
they've got four glasses between 'em." 

'T don't see them drinking." 

"Not drinkin' — lookin'." 

"Oh, you mean looking-glasses," remarked Harry, still 
juggling with the intricate English language. 

"And there sits \^ilcan, the god of labor, holding a con- 
ference with "Mars, the god of war," continued Harry, point- 
ing to Senator Hanna talking to Secretary Root over in 
the corner. 

312 




VonHollehen 



A SKETCH AT THE ARLINGTON HOTEL. 



313 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



\ 



W.H.DRAPER.IT.C 

iSTlT. 



At this juncture a neatly attired gentleman entered the. 
lobby. He was apparently known to everybody, as he 
bowed to every one. It was Admiral Dewey ; and he was 
soon the center of an animated group of acquaintances, 
among whom could be discerned Senators Spooner, Fair- 
banks and Kean. 

"This hotel," said Harry, "is noted for the many elegant 
entertainments given here during the season ; the one given 
by Mrs. Hanna, a few weeks ago, is said to have cost teri 
thousand dollars." 

"Thet's a lot ov money," commented the old man. 

"Casting bread on the political waters," was the reply. 

"Not bread, Harry — cake !" And the old man chuckled, 
shooting a glance at the Ohio Senator over in the corner, 
a^ they passed out of the corridor on their way to resume 
their tour. 

As they passed the "Shoreham," several florists' wagons 
w'cre seen unloading the most beautiful creations in the 
florist's art. 

"A big reception to-night," remarked Harry. 

"Washin'ton ez sartinly a gay place durin' th' sesshun." 

"This hotel is owned by ex-Vice-President Morton, who 
named it after his birthplace in Vermont. Yonder is the 
famous 'Chamberlin's,' and on the opposite corner is 'La 
Normandie.' " 

As they reached the corner, Harry produced a couple 
of cigars which they lighted, and, as they continued their 
walk, talked "hotel" in all its phases, 

314 




^?•■ss5 



"'"'^- ^'■"••'••^"'<-n. Sen.M.-.,..d. Mr«J.„elH.y. i.n.PurK Mr.. JoKn H^y. 

A RECEPTION AT THE ARLINGTON HOTEL. 

315 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




iJ.W.Wad^worti-i.m.<. 



*'The average Congressman," said the nephew, "Hves 
at the best hotel during his first term — he is so elated 
at his elevation. During his second term, (should he be 
so fortunate as to be elected a second time,) he generally 
selects an hotel with a high reputation, but not the usual 
selects an hotel with a high reputation, but not the usual 
ly at some boarding-house, where the expense of living 
does not make such serious inroads into his salary. 

" 'La Fetra's Hotel,' over there, on the next corner," said 
he, "is the famous Temperance Hotel kept by Mrs. La 
Fetra, the former president of the Woman's Christian Tem- 
perance Union." 

As they approached the palatial Raleigh Hotel, Harry 
gave a short sketch of its history. Said he: "This was for- 
merly the Kirkwood House, where the attempt was made 
to assassinate Vice-President Johnson, on the night of April 
14th, 1865. The next day, in this hotel, he took the oath 
of office that made him President of the United States." 

Entering the lobby, the pair selected a couple of easy- 
chairs where they could readily survey the interior. 

As soon as they were seated they noted a restless looking 
individual seated on an adjacent chair, a wide-brimmed, 
black slouch hat on his head, and a long black cigar in his 
mouth. With an easy familiarity he leaned over to Har- 
ry, as he remarked : 

"This place makes me tired. Everybody you meet is 
either a Senator, or a General, or an M. C, — and gee-whiz, 
what a dead slow town it is after dark! My doctor told 

316 




317 




F.^J. KEKN.MC, 
ILL. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

me to break away from business and take a trip to Washing- 
ton to see the fine buildings; — why, there isn't a sky-scraper 
in the lot. And theaters — you could put 'em all inside 
of the Auditorium." 

"You're from Chicago, I presume?" ventured Harry, 
somewhat amused at his tirade. 

"Yes, sir'ee ! the finest town in the country ! The very 
air is charged with electric energy." 
"En smoke," interjected Uncle Hank. 
"The smoke is only an evidence of superabundant en- 
ergy." 

"Have you seen the parks?" inquired Harry. 
"The parks ! bah — don't compare with She-co-go's parks. 
"I'm going to leave on the next train, and when I get 
back to 'God's country,' I'll never leave it again." And 
he jumped up abruptly to search for a railway time-table 
in the bar-room. 

A broad smile suffused the faces of Uncle Hank and his 
nephew, as he disappeared. 

The scene in the "Raleigh" was closely akin to that of the 
"Willard." The surroundings were as elegant as a lib- 
eral expenditure of money could make them ; and the soft, 
tuneful music from a fine orchestra served to lend an air 
of refinement to the large, brilliantly lighted lobby, that 
was very pleasing. 

"We will now walk down the avenue to see what the 
older hotels have to offer in the way of attraction," said 
Harry, as they emerged from the Pennsylvania Avenue 

318 




FORD'S THEATRE. 
•Whar honest Old Abe waz assassinated.' 

319 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 







exit, after having passed through the elegant dining room 
which was filled to repletion — for it was the fashionable 
dining hour. 

"The 'St. James' opposite," said he, as they reached the 
corner of Sixth Street, "is the stranger's hotel. Situated 
opposite to the principal railway station, by reason of its 
rather attractive make-up, it attracts many visitors, who 
arrive without having any prearranged place to go to." 

Grouped about the entrance to the "New National" were 
knots of men in frock coats and slouch hats that proclaimed 
them to be Members of Congress — principally from the 
South. 

As the old man and his nephew walked up the long 
corridor-like lobby, the latter remarked : 

"This building is nearly one hundred years old. Here 
Thaddeus Stevens, Henry Clay, James Buchanan, and many 
other eminent men lived while in Washington. James 
Buchanan went from here to be inaugurated President of 
the United States, and in a room directly above us, on 
the second floor, the great Henry Clay died." 

"PTotel life en a great city ez very fine en ets way; but 
ez fer me, giv' me th' leetle attic room tew hum en pref'r- 
ence tew th' finest room en th' grandest hotel," remarked 
the old man, as his thoughts reverted to his dear old 
New England home. 



320 



^7^r~»»"»~!j?7'T;T77F73^B'T75?vTr!'''vT'!?rTT?^^ 




/B5e lOi/D 



/?S/?MUfil/S0///&/9. 



^£^^s././rrz£^fi/(. /Fs/? ff/c///i'wso/^ Ti/vn. 



IN THE LOBBY OF THE NEW NATIONAL HOTEL. 

321 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XXVH. 



A VISIT TO THE POSTAL CEMETERY, 







€T'S estonishin' haow they giv' everybody en every- 
thin' a titel here en Washin'ton," exclaimed 
Uncle Hank as he stood on the corner of Twelfth 
Street and Pennsylvania Avenue and amusingly 
contemplated the handsome building opposite. "Thar's th' 
'Gineral' Post-Offis !" 

The broad avenue was a mass of vehicles. It was ten 
o'clock and the swirl of traffic was at its height and it was 
all the old man could do to cross without being run over; 
finally after dodging a couple of automobiles going in differ- 
ent directions and barely escaping death from a swiftly mov- 
ing trolley car, he managed to reach the opposite sidewalk. 

"Young man," said he as he finally reached the elevator 
in the Post Office Building and caught sight of the youth 
that manipulated the affair, "I've kum tew inspect yer 
Buildin'." 

"Step right inside and I'll take you up to the top and then 
you can walk down, inspecting as vou go." 

"Much obleeged," replied the old man as he stepped into 
the cage. "Be yew one ov th' offishels?" 

"Oh, yes," replied the youth as he gave the guide rope a 

322 




'ET'S ESTONISHIN' HAOW THEY GIV EVERYBODY EN EVERYTHIN' A TITEL HERE EN WASH- 
IN'TON— THAR'S TH' 'GINERAL' POST OFFIS!" 

?>T6 




PA. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

jerk and the elevator slowly ascended, "you see I'm the four 
hundredth Assistant Postmaster General." 

"I want tew kno'!" cried the old man looking quizzically 
at him. 

"Oh, yes," continued the youth, "I assist the Postmaster 
General to his office on the Fifth floor; and the Post Master 
General has repeatedly assured me that while there are 
other assistant Postmaster Generals in the department, my 
position is by far the most elevating one." 

"Yer a risin' young man," retorted Uncle Hank as he 
stepped ofif the elevator at the top floor. 

Walking arovmd the gallery he came to the Dead-Letter 
Museum. Here he found numbers of clerks busily engaged 
in opening piles of misdirected letters and packages. A 
little further along he noticed little piles of money which 
had been taken from some of the letters. At another place 
a lot of jewelry, and on one table was piled a lot of kid 
gloves, lace collars, corsets, drawing instruments, telescopes, 
opera glasses and manicure sets. 

"Fifty thousand photographs go astray in the mails every 
year," explained a polite official to the old man. 

"Et's growed tew sech proporshuns thet ye hed ought tew 
call et th' Postel Cemiterry," remarked the Yankee. 

"It isn't as dead as it looks." replied the official. "The 
other day we took out of one of the packages a live snake 
and two crawling alligators." 

"Sum folks ez mighty keerless abaout sendin' money en 



324 







POSTMASTER GENERAL HENRY C. PAYNE AT HIS DESK. 
A Sketch f oin Life. 

3^5 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




J.D.BELLAMT.jn c 



th' mails," observed the old man looking towards the con- 
stantly augmenting pile of money on one of the tables. 

"Over fifty thousand dollars is found every year in these 
letters," replied he. 

After examining the curiosities in the museum, consist- 
ing of coins in frames, war time photographs, envelopes with 
"blind" addresses which have been deciphered by experts. 
Uncle Hank continued his rambles around the different gal- 
leries that surrounded the big open court in the center of 
the building. Coming suddenly upon the Postmaster Gen- 
eral's Office his attention was directed to a large portrait 
of former Postmaster General Wanamaker which adorned 
the wall. 

"There is the man who did more to make the Post-Offia 
the perfect organization it is to-day than any chief it ever 
had," exclaimed an old gray-headed official who had ob- 
served Uncle Hank looking at the portrait. 

"Et's a tarnel shame thar's not more Wannymakers en th' 
publick sarvace — ef th' people waz smart they'd send th* 
polytishuns tew th' rear, en bizness men tew th' Senit en 
tew th' Departmints." 

"If they did there would soon be an end to the abuse of 
the franking privilege that is now so prevalent," signifi- 
cantly replied the official. 

"Haow so?" inquired Uncle Hank curiously. 
"A well-known politician franked a book-case containing 
his entire library the other day. The official looked indignant 
at the thought that the Post office should be put to such use. 

326 




STORY'S MARSHALL. 
•ET'S FACIN' TH' WRONG WAY— THEM LAW- MAKERS OVER YONDER NEEDS WATCHIN' 

327 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 






CHAPTER XXVUI. 

SCULPTURES AND PAINTINGS. 

"For the Venus of Milo I do not care, 
Though I own, she may have charms, 
The dearest girl beyond compare. 
Is the girl with encircling arms." 

CHUS warbled Harry who stood with his uncle in 
the Corcoran Gallery in front of the reproduction 
of the celebrated armless statue that was un- 
earthed on the island of Milo in 1820. 
"I see yeVe got an eye fer female beauty," laughingly 
remarked his uncle. 

"Well, that kind is perfectly 'armless," replied he. 
At this juncture an antique specimen of femininity ap- 
proached. She was of the long, attenuated type, possess- 
ing none of the attractive features of her sex. After scru- 
tinizing the statue closely she was heard to murmur in sin- 
cere admiration: "How lovely is female beauty!" 

Moving over to another part of the gallery Harry and his 
uncle halted in front of Powers' "Greek Slave." 

"Now contrast this statue with the 'Venus of Milo.' " said 
Harry. "How far the work of the Vermont sculptor falls 
below that of the ancient artist who lived four hundred years 

338 



iM* 




IN THE CORCORAN GALLERY. 
ANTIQUE FEMALE— "How lovely is female beauty I" 

329 




^■^•IQHG. nc t^^^- 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

before Christ. How devoid of expression the face is ; how 
Hghtly she bears the chain of slavery which encircles her 
wrists. And yet this statue created a great sensation in this 
country fifty years ago, being exhibited in every large city 
and extolled as one of the greatest masterpieces of sculpture 
in the world." 

"Wall, they didn't know much abaout Art en this country 
fifty years ago, Harry." 

"The American people know precious little about it to- 
day, or they wouldn't tolerate the monstrosities in Art that 
pass for public monuments to their great men," replied 
Harry as the pair moved along to another gallery. 

"H'yar's whar they've got tew cum tew larn." 

"Yes, and Banker Corcoran rendered the city a great serv- 
ice when he erected such a beautiful temple to Art," said 
the nephew as he contemplated the elegant Art Gallery. 

Entering the section devoted to modern paintings the 
large canvas of Jerome's entitled "Ccesar Dead" attracted 
their attention. 

An old colored man stood before this strikingly dramatic 
picture, with an exceedingly puzzled countenance. Turn- 
ing around as Uncle Hank approached he appealed to him; 
for information respecting its meaning. 

"Ye see, Joolius Ceesar waz a Roman statesman — th'' 
leader ov th' Senit — sum ov th' Senitors thot he waz gettin*' 
a swelled head an' abaout tew declare himself boss. SO' 
they formed a conspiracy to block hiz game. One day ez 
he waz goin' daown th' avenoo tew th' capitol he waz warned 

330 




WASHINGTON FROM ARLINGTON HEIGHTS. 

UNCLE HANK— "Over yonder stands th' moniment nrected tew th' man who couldn't tell a lie, an' 

it's high enuf ler everybody tew see th' pint." 

331 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 




o. vrm:.i.DON.M.c 



tew beware ov th' fourth ov March — but he heeded not ; en 
when he reached th' Senit Chamber he waz set upon by a 
lot ov anarchists frum Paterson, Noo Jersey, en stabbebd 
twenty-nine times. One ov th' anarchists he reckonized ez 
Mr. Brutus en ez he did so very properly called him a brute. 
Then after throwin' a double summersalt he expired et th' 
foot of Pompey's pillar. Pompey waz a cullered white 
washer frum daown South." 

This vivid description impressed the old darky very 
much and he examined the painting with redoubled interest. 

As for Uncle Hank he held his head tightly over his 
mouth to repress his feelings as he moved away. 

This gallery was found to be very interesting from the 
fact that it contained many originals made familiar by 
popular engravings taken therefrom, among the more notice- 
able of which was Miller's "Charlotte Corday" — that pa- 
thetic face behind the prison bars. Also some very fine ex- 
amples of Corot and Troyon. 

After wandering around the galleries for some time, stop- 
ping occasionally to scrutinize a particularly attractive sub- 
ject, the pair halted abruptly before the beautifully modelled 
statue of Napoleon by V^incenzo Velas. This statue repre- 
sents the f^reat soldier in his last days. Seated in a large 
chair with his back propped up with a pillow and his lap 
covered by a large map on which was outlined the scenes 
of his memorable campaigns, the old commander was 
fighting his battles over again. It is an exceedingly effec- 
tive bit of sculpture. 

332 




IN ARLINGTON CEMETERY. 

333 




H.DURK.M.C. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

Descending the broad stairway to the gallery containing 
the Tayloe Collection, the pair came to a painting of an- 
other great soldier who did not end his days as an exile on 
a lonely island the captive of a hated foe ; but who ended 
his days honored and revered in his native land — George 
Washington. This painting is by Gilbert Stuart and is cer- 
tainly a masterpiece. 

As Uncle Hank and his nephew concluded their tour of 
the beautiful building they voted the Corcoran Art Gallery 
one of the very attractive features of Washington. 




A-L.M<DERNOTT.n.C. 
/S.J- 



334 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XXIX. 



THE STATUES. 







SEE here, Harry! I've bin standin' here half an 
hour tryin' tew make aout who en thunder thet 
statoo ez erected tew," said Uncle Hank to his 
nephew as they stood on the corner of Sixteenth 
Street and Massachusetts Avenue. 

"That's the Hahnemann Statue." 

"Thet's what th' policeman told me — Et waz th' Hanna- 
man Statoo — but what Hanna Man?" 

"Uncle," said Harry, detecting a smile on the old man's 
face, "this statue is no joke. It is one of the finest specimens 
of the plastic art in America. It was modeled by Niehaus, 
and cost seventy-five thousand dollars." 

"What's th' meanin' ov them Latin words on th' pedes- 
tal?" 

"Similia — Similibus — Curantur — Like cures Like." 

"Er Thief tew ketch a Thief." 

"Practically the same." 

"What's thet statoo yoinder?" inquired the old man point- 
ing- to a large equestrian statue of the hero of the Mexican 
War. 



335 




r. C.^TEVEKJi.M.C. 

MTNU. 




STATUE OF GENERAL ANDREW JACKSON. 

'ET WOULD AMOOSE TH' CHILDREN A HEAP SIGHT MORE EP THEY'D PUT ROCKERS UNDER 
ET EN MAKE ET ENTO A HOBBY-HOSS." 

336 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



"That is the Scott statue which gives name to this circle ; 
suppose we walk over to examine it at closer range. 

"Great Scott !" ejaculated the old man as they reached 
the base of the majestic piece of sculpture. 

"Great statue, too," replied Harry. "One of the most re- 
markable features of this monument is the fact that its 
pedestal is composed of five of the largest blocks of stone 
ever quarried in the United States." 

"Thar's th' statoo ov an expoogilist," said Uncle Hank as 
they approached the next piece of statuary oln the circle. 

"I don't know that it is," replied his nephew looking in- 
quiringly into his face for an explanation. 

"Thar et ez on th' base — Ex-pounder an Defender ov th' 
Constitooshun " 

"That's Daniel Webster — and by the way, these three 
statues are said to represent the three Departments — Web- 
ster the Department of State, Scott the Department olf War, 
and Hahnemann the Department of the Interior," 

"Thar's one more statoo needed tew complete th' circle." 

"What's that?" 

"A figger ov Senitor Hanna et th' foot of Labor." 

"And what would that signify?" 

"Mark-Down." 

"And what Department?" 

"Departmint Store." And the pair laughed alo*ud as 
they locked arms and marched away in search of other 
statues. 



337 




J.P.K.HALL,M.C. 




i3tN A RGorn^ak 

9f Art p. 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

After viewing the beautiful Logan monument in Iowa 
Circle and Ward's Equestrian Statue to Gen. Geo. Thomas in 
Thomas Circle, they finally arrived at the base of that won- 
derfully strenuous-looking piece of sculpture by Clark Mills; 
the statue of General Andrew Jackson in Lafayette Square. 

"The remarkable part of this statue is the way in which 
the sculptor has maintained the center of gravity bv making 
the head hollow and the tail solid so that the horse is en- 
abled to stand on its hind legs without any other support," 
said Harry. 

" Tain't a good idee — tew reprisent Gineral Jackson ez 
an empty head. Et would amoose th' children en th' park 
a heap sight more ef they'd put rockers under et en make et 
ento a hobby-hoss." 

"Well, here is a far more artistic piece of work," said 
Harry as they reached the Lafayette Memorial. Upon a 
lofty pedestal a beautifully modeled figure of the graceful 
Marquis de Lafayette stood with hand outstretched, while 
at the base the figures of De Grasse, D'Estaing, Rochambeau 
and Duportail were posed as fitting auxiliaries; the whole 
constituting a very artistic monument. 

"About every other statue in Washington should be taken 
from its pedestal and remodeled by the more competent 
artists of to-day," remarked Harry 

"We're tew busy makin' money," retorted the old man. 



338 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XXX. 



THE NAVY YARD. 



TT was early morning at Uncle Sam's Navy Yard. 
Small groups of workingmen were coming in all 
directions to engage in their respective tasks for 
the coming day. As the hour for commencing ap- 
proached, the hurrying groups 'increased in size until ihe 
streets leading to the entrances were crowded. 

Iron workers, brass workers, wood workers, machinists, 
moulders — bright, intelligent looking men, all. 

These were the men who made it possible for the "Man on 
the Bridge," and tiie "Man behind the Gun" to do the work 
that evoked the applause and aroused the enthusiasm of the 
ration in time of war. 

As the stream of workers poured through the gateway, it 
might have been noticed that there was one who was pal- 
pably not a worker — at least, not in this field. His step was 
too leisurely and he evinced no particular desire to reach any 
one of the numerous shops in a hurry, as did the others in 
the skurrying throngs. 

It was the figure of Uncle Hank that seemed so utterly 
out of place amid these swarms of busy bees hastening to 
their respective hives of industry — a drone among the work- 

339 




E.B.VREEL A. ND J*t 







AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

ers. But nevertheless an appreciative idler for the day only, 
who had come to see and marvel at the work done by these 
skilful craftsmen. 

The first thing to catch his eye as he walked down the 
principal avenue in the yard was the famous cannon known 
as Long Tom. 

"That's the gun that created such a sensation in the war 
of 1814," explained an old marine to Uncle Hank. "It was 
originally cast in 1786 in France for a French man-of-war, 
and captured by the British in 1798, and sold to the Ameri- 
cans. Subsequently it formed one of the battery of the brig, 
"General Armstrong," that so valiantly engaged single- 
handed in a battle with three ships of the British squadron 
which were on their way to New Orleans, and so disabled 
the fleet that it failed to reach that city for the great fight 
there when Jackson won the day." 

"Wall, I take off my hat tew et fer thet day's work," re- 
plied the old man as he thanked the old soldier for his in- 
formation. 

Continuing on his way he finally reached the foundry 
where the workmen were just in the act of opening the 
sluiceways of the furnaces containing the molten metal that 
spluttered and sparkled as it gushed forth. 

"Thet's a hot furniss — Gineral Sherman sed 'War waz 
Heir — Wall, gittin' ready fer war doesn't remind ye ov 
heavin," said the old man as he left the building. 

The gun shop was the next building to attract his atten- 
tion. This building was a bewildering maze of machinery. 

340 




I'XCLK HANK IN THE GIN SHOP AT THE NAVY YAKD. 



341 




m» Hi,- 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

Monster guns were being turned, bored, rifled and jacketed 
by the most powerful and approved machinery, as well as 
myriads of smaller guns for supplementary batteries for 
cruisers and other vessels of war. But the most incongruous 
thing to Uncle Hank was a large sign that hung in a most 
conspicuous place, and read as follows : 

WORKMEN MUST NOT 
TALK TO VISITORS. 




"En lookin' et them cannons I never saw so many open- 
mouths en my hull life," said he with a smile. 

For several hours he interested and amused himself. Fin- 
ally as he was about to leave the "Yard" he was accosted 
by a couple of very handsome young ladies, who wished to 
know if there was anything to particularlv interest ladies, 
as "they took no pleasure in walkine through greasy, dirty 
machine shops," as thev exoressed it. 

"Ladies, thar's a buildin' jest araound th' corner ll'nr 
thet'll interest ye, I'm sure." Ard th" old man pointed dov/n 
the avenue in the direction he wished them to go. 

As they reached the corn^^r dpsi'^ra'^'d '^^^ir eyes cau;:;lit 
sight of a large sign on which was painted the words : 

PATTERN SHOP. 



j.R.YoiJjNr&.fi.c 

PENN. 



And when thev I^^V-d 
safely aboard the trolley c^ 



i^e -i-""f''-"i inker he was 
h's "av back to the city. 



342 




AT IHE NAVY YARD— CASTING CANNON. 

UNCLE HANK— "Thet's a hot furnace— Ginera I Sliprman sed 'war was hell'— Wall, giltin' ready fer 
war doesn't remind ye ov heavin." 

343 




UNCLE HANK. 

3-t4 



AROUND THE CAPITAL. 



CHAPTER XXXI. 

ADIEU. 

DOWN Pennsylvania Avenue strode Uncle Hank, his 
grip-sack in one hand and his ever faithful um- 
brella in the other. His face wore a benignant 
expression, his step was buoyant and his whole 
manner betokened one who was on the best of terms with 
himself and all the world as well. 

He had aboiit concluded his trip and was on his way to 
the train that was to take him back to his dear old New Eng- 
land home. 

Washington had proved a source of infinite delight to the 
old man, who had keenly enjoyed its humorous side, at the 
same time fully appreciating its attractive features. 

As he turned the corner of Sixth Street he encountered 
his nephew who was waiting to accompany him to the rail- 
way station to see him off. 

"Harry," he exclaimed, "I've hed a good time, an' I thank 
ye fer more'n half ov et." 

"Uncle, I've noticed that you seemed to intensely enjoy 
every part of your trip and I think I've discovered the secret 
of it — you kept looking for the bright side of Washington 
life and it proved the most satisfactory." 

345 








T.J. CJJEAME.R.M.C 

N-Y. 




AROUND THE CAPITAL. 

"Harry, molasses '11 ketch more flies then vinegar — a 

pretty gal'll ketch more votes fer a Bill then a sour old 

lawyer." And the old man and his nephew laughed in 
unison as they cordially shook hands at the rear end of the 
slowly departing train. 

THE END. 



RB. f»ORDOIS.M.C 
OHJO, 



840 



Lfi 211 



